Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Answered prayer


Since I was diagnosed, God knows that I have been crying and needing for someone to be at my side. It was answered through my friends and family however, a question of a life partner lingered on. God knows that I have questions about who or if I will ever find someone to accept me as who and what I am, now that I am living with HIV.

It was answered all along, I just did not listen hard enough at first. There was an echo, a calling, that he has been there all along. I listened to what seems to a be a distant call.

Thank you God, for letting us cross each other's paths. Thank you, for letting him accept not just who, but what I am. Thank you God, for the answered prayer and for this gift. I promise you that I will take good care of this gift with all my heart and soul, with my every breath and heart beat, I will love him the way I love you.

Thank you Pong, For letting me in your life, embracing life and being alive, with me.

Friday, June 25, 2010


My lifestyle evolution

I will undergo another evolution in my life. This time, with a help from the Goth-chick friend of mine. She has been with me for quite a long time and she has been a quiet conscience and a guide of when it comes to life's decision making. Last night we talked over AIM for a bit and told her about my goals this year, and she pointed out some sub-categories in my goals that I have missed out.

I told her that this time, I have to adhere to all my plans and goals and I want to fulfill each one of them, specially the financial aspect of my goals. It has been quite hard for me to save, because I spend too much on things that I don't really need and splurge on things that I can do somewhere else cheaper. Having HIV means I have to save up for future medical expenses knowing the fact that my HMO will not support any diseases that may be related to it. One fact is that I cannot disclose my status to the HMO doctors for them to treat my future diseases properly, else, they will cut me off of my benefits. That said, I really have to save money for the future and to invest wisely on things that will help improve my health and well being.

Hello to more ukay-ukay and surplus shops! Goodbye to expensive signature brands and shoes as well as department stores. Well I have been shopping in ukay-ukay shops since I became independent. I also have to check what do I need in my condo, I will not buy a sofa anymore and a dining set. I can eat on the floor and the Uratex folding foam that turns either into a mini sofa or a single bed will be enough for me and my guests. I will just have to buy a few meters and kinds of fabric to cover it. I also have to buy a little dining table, Japanese style of course to match my bamboo carpet, and more dark shade curtains.

I must also start cooking my own meals and packing lunch for work. That way I will be able to save up and eat healthier foods. However, I want a Tiger lunch box, they say it can keep food warm for hours. I am excited on cooking again, even just for myself. I used to cook for my special man, but I don't have one now, thus lack of urge to cook, I just have to. Weekly dinning out with the Goth-chick will be replaced by weekly dinners at my place instead, both of us can cook so we can do it here, eat dinner and have wine.

Finances are one big reason I am going bohemian, it's voluntary poverty on an artistic aspect. Aside from I adore the lifestyle of the freethinking man and following one's sense of right and wrong. I like the idea of immersing oneself to his art and living it. I don't consider myself artistic, but I know that I am passionate and expressive.

Hmm... with all those said, when will I be able to buy the 24-105mm F4 L lens that I have been dreaming and craving for? Perhaps not anytime soon.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Detaching myself to hurt

Emotionally isolating myself to things and people means me not craving nor looking and even not starting to make moves in meeting new people that I might like more than friend

2010 goals

1.) Save money.
2.) Buy and learn how to play a guitar.
3.) Trim down and maintain a weight of 130lbs.
4.) Have my 3rd tattoo inked.
5.) Win over clutter!
6.) Find a sport that I will love and grow with.
7.) Read more, read more, read more!
8.) "Almost" quit on eating land animals except when it's free.
9.) Start backpacking.
10.) Improve on my photography.

I just want to share. :-)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I left the Planet of Romeo

I have been in the online dating scene for quite a long time, and I am very happy to admit that I have met very few good men. Because of my "non-commercial" taste in men and my aloofness in meeting strangers online, meet-ups were all worth my time. I can also say that in many years that I have been online, I only met quite a handful, they were carefully filtered, and I can still count them in one hand.

I have two profiles in Planetromeo.com, 1 have a normal one, that has my face pics and states how normal I am, and another one that says I have HIV and has a body pic with 6 pack abs, of course that was my real photo. The HIV profile was created a week ago and have received an overwhelmingly high number of views, the sad part is, almost nobody sent me a message. If there was any it was of pity, or questions like... "Why are you here?" "Why do you have HIV?" "Are you really sick?" "Why are you still in this site and spreading the virus?"

Some questions are really just annoying. Of course, because of my willingness to educate, I answered some, with detailed explanations. I have experienced stigmas. I have a great body pic and showed significant signs of intelligence in my profile statements, I got a lot of views, but as I said, only questions were mostly sent. I feel that they were afraid of me, I felt like an outcast of society, online at least. I felt nobody wanted me because I have HIV.

There were two guys, hot guys, who offered sex despite of me being HIV positive. They were hot, horny and not afraid of the virus. They know all about it and the needed precautions, which I admired. I refused the offer, I did not hesitate to tell them that sex is the least of my priorities. I always have great respect for my body, now that I have a new lease on life; that respect is greater than ever.

To the normal profile, same shit goes, the usual "hellos", the usual conversations, the usual cycle. It is just so tiring to find myself in great conversation with someone whose words are just like gravity to me. After a while, we text, then we talk on the phone; which is the last thing in my "pre-meet-up" process. I may sound shallow, but sometimes it all ends there. One phone call is all it takes for me to judge if the person I have been exchanging messages with online is someone I might like as a whole. Come on, I may say that I am looking for new friends, but my primary goal on why I am there in that website is to somehow get hooked up with someone that can be a possible boyfriend. So, if I don't like the way he sounds over the phone or if we don't have anything to talk about at all, that's it! Then the cycle begins once more. I send someone a message or someone sends me message and there it goes again... Blah, blah, blah, blah...

It's tiring.

I realized that if I want to meet new people, it will be in the more "socially-present" way. Where I can see them, they can see me, and there are actual eye contacts as well as actual verbal exchanges. Sure, I closed a big door of opportunities of meeting someone significant with tens of thousands of gay men online, but if the cycle of "his" and "hellos" continues, I might be a zombie someday. I don't want to be a slave to the monotony of the online dating scene, I don't want to be a part of the cycle anymore. I value eye to eye contact, that way, there are instances of proper observation, communication, attraction, gravitation. Unlike online, there are these abrupt feelings and thoughts that I often undergo and let go... "I like you"-> "I am thinking of you"->"I really like you"->"I think it's time for us to meet"->"I got turned off because you were wearing pointed leather shoes and has Lady Gaga shades and we have nothing in common to talk about anymore, because you love to listen to pop music and I like rock, because you love chick flicks and I don't, because you love shopping and I don't, because you adore Lady Gaga so much you are as Gaga as her and I just want to shoot you down with a Bullet with Butterfly Wings". Although I haven't met anyone like that, yet, through online dating. I can tell, through the conversations and seemingly endless discussions and phone calls and of course... Facebook! It feels like an emotional car crash. Undergoing that cycle several times in a year is fucking sick! So sick it makes me puke and go all berserk! I'm just so tired of it.

So without any second thoughts, I deleted the two profiles, with them are my angst in this crazy game of meet-ups, hang-ups, and break-ups!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Growing old alone

*NOTE: This is something I wrote years ago (with a different title) and was posted in my Friendster blog back in 2005. I said this a year ago "I wanted to edit it a bit and post it in a new hip and popular medium, with a new title." I posted this essay in Facebook. Now I post it here in this blog, with questions... When I was young and was wondering why there are such many old gay men who are alone, I then wrote this. After 5 years of writing this essay, it sure feels different when I am now the subject of questioning of my own writing.


The oldies, referring to the kind of men at the peak of their maturity age. As I took a trip to a distant past of their life. I wondered... What did they do wrong? What went wrong? Why many of the mid-30s to 40 something gay guys are still single? Many more gay guys are wrinkly, old and single. It scared me. Makes me value what I have…. More! I may not have it all. We may not have it all, and we really don’t have it all. But many of us already have someone at our side, in our life, being taken cared of, and having someone to take care of as well. Any same sex relationship that lasts more than a year is considered a long time to many, past that, over the two year period, it may be a milestone already. 5 years? …Are you two soul mates? 10 years… a rare few make it that far. Maybe or almost a lifetime? Boy! You two are each other’s life.

Many gay men don’t make it to that two year mark. 5 years to some; but they eventually break up a few years more. Some make it 10 years, even more that, but they still break up. What is it about gay relationships? Aren’t we all content? Are gay men cannot be contented easily? Are we distracted too easily? Or we just don’t care to what other people say and feel of what our actions will be? We all have priorities in life. But isn’t our dear love ones’ feelings must also be our priority?

Why? What went wrong? I can only think of a few possible answers. Affairs, the “0ther man" may be the culprit. Discontentment. Yes, man is naturally discontented or cannot be contented. Itching is another! …The seven year itch makes it way evaporating the love into thin air. Is there any cure to this? Many of those questions are only answerable when we get to that point in our life. But can the cycle of pain be stopped? Just look at our grandparents. yes they are not gay, but they do love each other, I am so awed and overwhelmed when I get to see old couples still very sweet and caring to each other after all these years! I think one thing that made their relationship strong is courtship. Most gay men don’t know that word. All they do is look at each other, when a there’s a spark then they do it, a spark after a little action, then they become lovers; well, that is mostly how it happens to many couples I know. Some gay couples met "wholesomely". But all in all there is no long term courtship that is happening. I may sound old fashioned here, but look at how many successful and happy grandparents we have! Yes, I agree in separation, if there is really no chance for both parties to be happy together why not separate? But why not be together too? There is a remedy if we wanted to. Bottom-line courtship is a long and slow getting-to-know stage that will rid of future pain and heartaches if ever we might discover something incredibly annoying, unacceptable and unchangeable about our life-partner to be; or the one we are courting. It also proves ones sincerity and persistence.

Can gay men be as loyal? Or maybe not? Given the fact that men are sexual creatures by default, plus they become gay… here comes the ultra man! A Fully charged up creature that is more than a man! He’s gay! Thus, taking control of himself and his cravings are even more challenging, and that leads to another question. Discipline. Which is another topic.

So, as gay men nears the age of 30, mid 30s, he should be thinking of looking for a partner. Waiting for love I think is for the lazy people, a taxi won’t stop if you don’t wave it to stop, a car won’t go if you don’t drive it. So is love. Love will never find you if you won’t look for it. Waiting for love is just like waiting for a banana to drop in your long opened mouth. If you’re already 40++ and still single, boy. Asses yourself. You may have something serious going on in your emotional system. Or maybe worse, something maybe wrong with your head. Or if you think nothing is really wrong with you and you always end up with bad boys with everything bad in them, well, keep your hopes up! A good guy will come your way.

So what did really happen? Why many gay men end up old and single? I cannot say that they’re happy in their lives. Nor I cannot even say if they're miserable in their lives. Who am I to say stuff? Many men are hypocrites!

So am I.

“We can’t have anything we want, but we can have everything we need.”


*POST NOTE: I wrote this essay when I was 22, I am now 27. A lot have changed, and I have gone through a lot. I can really say that my perspectives have changed dramatically since 5 years ago. Still, that question still remains unanswered, why do we remain alone? Why am I still alone?

Individual standards in partner selection changes through time as we gain experience, get hurt, evolve, and make choices to be happier. I am now questioning what I wrote 5 years go, I now realized that after such challenges, ones point of views about life changes. Like what happened to me. I was then a boy, happy, judgmental on how things work or what must we do to improve our lives. Now that I am the topic of my own lashings when I was younger, it feels different. It feels different now that I am one of those men who are nearing the age of 30, and still alone.

Yes, I know we have friends and family, but nothing is more special than the love of that one special person in our lives that we know who constantly cares and thinks of us. Whom we share our life and our soul as well as ourselves. Loneliness is already biting me, living alone for almost three years, I learned to stand on my own and be happy on my own. Still, nothing beats the gratification that I share all these blessing I have with someone very special. I learned to be strong on my own and to be emotionally independent from other people, whether it be my friends or my family. I learned to be on my own, literally and figuratively speaking.

I do not want to find the answers anymore. I have to live with it, like how I am living now with the virus.

Then again, I have God with me, always with me. So I am never, alone.

Friday, June 18, 2010

*You moaned "fuck", I said "you"*


As the music plays, in my place
Cigarette smoke fills it with haze
New memories fills up the space
Of where your dying ones used to be

This is the last time that I will write about you
I haven't been craving, for more
...for your warm bed where, me, you tucked
...nor you and your sweet fuck

You left when I was dying
You left me hanging by a string
I fell dead in the middle of our fling
It was darkness like nothing, to me you bring

As the music plays, in my place
Cigarette smoke fills it with haze
I killed your memories and ours too
Go lie in your bed where you fuck your boys

Go lie in your bed, alone
Waiting for some fuck to come home
As you insert yourself to an empty hole
You screw in your lies into some unfortunate soul

As new music fills my place
New memories take your place
As new music plays in my head
On and on, you're pretty much dead.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

For those in pain who are screaming in silence

I just read a blog that I felt so sad for the owner. So I thought to post a song full of angst and pain. The song is so fitting for most of us.

@Inmyhead, this is for you and for all of us, who are so sick!

"I'm So Sick"

I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now

Hear it! I'm screaming it!
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
I'm so sick

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

*Paghinga sa pag-asa*

Alam niyo bang kay sarap mabuhay?
Kaya buhayin ang ating mga nahihimlay
...na pag-asa at wag nang matamlay
Anu man ang kwento ng ating buhay
Paniguradong nasa kamay natin ang taglay na kulay
Ng ngayon at bukas
Hanggang sa darating na wakas.

Huwag sayangin ang ating oras.
Huminga ng malalim at ating isipin
Buhay pa tayo at ating yakapin
Ang isang magandang bukas
Na ating mararating.

*Ang paglalayag*


Halina't maglayag sa musika ng ating buhay
Iwagayway ang bandilang simbolo at ng kulay
Na magpapaalala sa ating bagong buhay
'wag matakot tungo sa kaligiyahang tunay

Tara, habulin natin ang ating mga pangarap
Halika at tikman ang sarap ng alapaap
Ang buhay at ang mga kulay sa bawat langhap
Ng ating hiningang hiram mula sa langit

Kaibigan, samahan mo akong maglakbay
Sumakay sa bangkang gawa sa pinaghimay
na mga pangarap, bukas, at imahinasyon
Tara at gumawa ng sarili nating konklusyon

Mangarap tayo, at abutin ang mga ito
Basagin na ang mga pusong bato
Maglayag tungo sa buhay na ginto
At lumigaya tungo sa tumtibok na puso

Hindi man natin alam kung anu ang naroroon
Gabay natin ang ating panginoon
Maglayag at itungo ang ating tingin
Sa langit ng nagsisiksikang mga bituin

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

*Untitled rainy day memory*


*Untitled rainy day memory*

We bid goodbyes as you walked to the cab
Your jacket over your head
"Take care" I said.
I headed to the bus stop
As into the cab you hop.

I brave the rain without my hoodie
I was stupid to have left it
I am getting soaked, bit by bit
As I ran to a nearby shelter
I thought that it's a better weather

How I love the feeling of getting wet
As well as the cold drops of sweat
The soft downpour sends shivers
Loving each good feeling it delivers

I love the drops of rain
Spattering on the bus window
I love how it changes the view of street lights
Into little sparks of bright light

As I reached home
I realized I'm alone, again.
...it has been like this.
...for so long.

My cellphone beeped.

My new friend


It was Sunday, 13th of June. We agreed to meet in Makati, but I thought to invite him to watch the sunset so I said we will meet in MOA instead. It was a gloomy day, and he asked why we will meet in MOA? I said I wanted us to watch the sunset, perfect for such a meeting; but it was gloomy. So I then agreed to what was originally planned, we will meet in Makati.

Neither of us were late on the agreed time that we will meet up. He found me looking at some mountaineering photographs at the cinema area of Glorietta 4. He said wanted to have coffee, but Starbucks was full of people. We then proceed to Greenbelt where there are less people, I thought.

We came to Greenbelt's Coffeebean and Tealeaf and found ourselves cozily chatting in one corner of that coffee shop. It was raining outside and a warm cup of coffee and a couple of sweet cookies and a slice of cake was just perfect for that night. My new friend have some boyishly-innocent-naive-little boy aura, which he admits (the innocent) when we were texting. He is such a talkative guy, we barely had a moment of dead air because there was so much we have to talk and can talk about. I had my camera with me so I took photos of him. He obviously felt uneasy at first, but he grew comfortable with the camera as the hours go by. I admit that the photos I took of him weren't my best, I had a difficult time adjusting my camera settings to the lighting of the coffee shop. Despite of the lighting difficulties, I was able to shoot a couple of nice photographs of him. My favorite was when he was looking at my lens while resting his cheeks on his fist. His eyes were just beautiful and with such innocence.

After our coffee shop chatter, we then went to a nearby Italian restaurant and ate heavily, as well as for more talks. We were very full that night. My tummy was almost aching of fulness.

I'm happy to have a new friend who shares the same battles as I am. It's great to have a friend who understands what exactly I am going through and I am the same towards him.

You know who you are. Let's hold on and embrace this new friendship, as we have so much more to dream of and we will fulfill each one of them. I'm just a phone call and a text away. We will keep dreaming, we will keep fulfilling, we will keep fighting.

Friday, June 11, 2010

"So I thought"

"So I Thought"

All your twisted thoughts free flow
To everlasting memories
Show soul
Kiss the stars with me
And dread the wait for
Stupid calls returning us to life
We say to those who are in love
It can't be true 'cause we're too young
I know that's true because
so long I was
So in love with you
So I thought

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
The times were right
But I couldn't talk about it

On my knees
Dim lighted room
Thoughts free flow try to consume
Myself in this
I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
Ignorance is bliss cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods
You learn too much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears
With pretty smiles and lies
About the times

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
The times were right
But I couldn't talk about it

The times weren't right
And I couldn't talk about it
The times were right
But I couldn't talk about it

Choris Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
Choris Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
So we can talk about it

Just maybe, we might see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Something there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Something there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Something there in between

Just maybe, we might see
Jesus, there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus, there in between

Writings for the Satellite part II

*Expressions of the unwritten*

Staring at your photos on a Saturday
Glancing at your messages, everyday
Might as well be crazy in anyway
'Coz you're in my mind all day

I come crashing, untangling
My words and wishes are dangling
Like droplets of rain, hanging
To the roof above our heads
Where our dreams and wishes..
Linger upon, to someday come true

Staring at your photos on a Saturday
Dreaming of you in every way
Looking at your shadows,
and your silhouette image
Imagining myself, right next to you

Somewhere along the way,
we will find where we belong
But right now, nothing can be more strong
If you let yourself be a line in my song

****Now I am fighting the gravity.

Dear Vic

After a long overdue conversation with a long time and one of my dearest friends, Vic.

A line of his struck me, after revealing to him that I am now living with HIV...

"What you have is gift, knowing when and what will make you go to what we call the after-life. You have a gift that enables you to prepare and enjoy more of life while you can. Not many people know when their time is up, and many take advantage of that blissful ignorance."

Writings for the Satellite

Somebody stumbled upon my profile in PR, asking if I blog. I did answer but instead I sent him an untitled poem, inspired by his status message. It was the 1st of June.

I am a man, alone
Traveling to his final destination
In this world full of temptations
Breathing, as he feels his world in rotation.

Admires photographs and words
From someone in a different world
Who says he is a satellite looking for a world to orbit
Feeling the waves of a certain heart beat
Checking if on the other side, has it.

We then started exchanging messages in the wired world and eventually through the real-time and wireless means.

I just thought right now what I think the proper title for that poem will be; it is the same title of this entry.

One night passion with Mr. Drinker

Last week of May... It was Sunday, early evening, I just woke up and got several missed calls and text messages from my friend Ruth, she wants us to have dinner. I immediately texted "what"? She replied "Japanese", I replied "where", she sad "_____" (the name of the restaurant that I can't remember anymore), I said "time", she said "in an hour", I said "See you".

While I was preparing for our dinner date, I logged in to PR, checked my Facebook and a few emails from work. Then a message came in my PR, I clicked on the notification and there was already an attached photo. He looks nice, although I can no longer remember what the message was, I intentionally deleted his message in my PR inbox as later on you will know why.

Conversations started, a few messages were exchanged, until he asked for my address and directions on how to go to my condo. I said "sorry, but I am ging out for dinner with a friend, let us text instead". We exchanged numbers. We were texting almost non-stop as I was on my way to the Japanese restaurant somewhere in Tomas Morato.

A few hours later, I was going home, I did not text him that I was about to go home. He did text a few minutes when I rode the cab. He asked where I was and I said "On my way home, want to have a few bottles at my place?" and he replied "what's the quickest way to your place, let's have wine".

We did not have wine, we had beer and vodka instead. He arrived at the gates of my condo with a laptop bag and a bottle of Vodka, I bought a few bottles of beer from the nearby store, and we started to drink.

I knew so little about him while we were exchanging messages online and texting, I did not even ask where he lives or what he does for a living. Personal backgrounds and life stories unfold as the morning draws near. It was amazing on how much we have in common, and I felt gravity between us. I was astonished when he said he's a professional photographer aside from other jobs he does that includes creativity and art. He has a passion for tattoos, same as me, and he showed me his. I was surprised on how much we have in common when it comes to music, he listens to almost every music genre I listen to. It was such a wonderful night conversing with him. We finished the beer and he opened the bottle of vodka that I left in the chiller. We are dumbfounded on how to open it. I then handed him a knife and we opened it together, he accidentally popped out a glass ball from the bottle's small opening and he quickly put it in his mouth like candy. I stared at him in wonder.

We drank more and more as we listen and compared our music collections in our Macs. I have an old Mac Mini, he has an old Macbook. He has a Canon DSLR, so am I.

There was this unforgetable track he played from his Macbook's music collection, it made me shiver and I had goosebumps all over. It was a song from Zoeey Deschannel,the actress in the movie 500 Days of Summer, she was a singer and has a band before she became an actress. The title of the song was Take it back. We listened to it with so much attention and I was awestruck with Zooey's voice, I smiled at him and thanked him for letting me hear such sweet and beautiful music. He noticed my goosebumps and touched them with such wonder and warmth.

I switched to playing tunes from my iPod that was connected to my mini component, I played Lisa Ono. Things started to heat up between us, fires of passions started to burn as we sweat heavily. Suddenly, while we were at it, tears suddenly dropped from my eyes... I told him to stop; party pooper huh?! I said to myself that he has to know something if we are going to do it.

I did, tell him... About my secret.

We stopped and he said... "You're still normal". He asked when did I knew about it and how I was. He said, that there's nothing wrong with me and I can still dream and live life. We sat on the bed, he moved to the black, solid wood headboard of my bed and he took me in such a warm embrace, saying that I have to continue dreaming and fulfill each one. I have years to live and I have to become alive, I said "I already know that". He smiled, we kissed. He said that we have to continue dreaming to live, what is there to live for if we stop dreaming and just be contented with a monotonous life, we might as well die if that will be the case. He made me smile and his words fueled the fire of hope within me.

We got up from the bed and went back on the floor to drink more, as well as for more of "that". The night continued with such passion and careful movements. Of course, we have to be very careful, I don't want anyone to get sick because of me. It was a long, sweat laden, hot night. We slept on the floor at the break of dawn.

We woke up kissing each other gently. I can smell his alcohol breath and feel his warm sweaty skin.

He said he is dating someone, but he is not committed. Before we parted ways, we kissed in his car and bid each other with sweet smiles on our faces. We barely text each other now.

Whatever his intentions was at the first place, it was worth being with him. Whether it was just a one night fuck or whatever, everything was worth it. He made me feel alive, most importantly... Normal. We shared a moment of our lives within a few hours and I learned a lot from him. It has been a long time that I have met someone with such passion in life as he is.

Like tattoos in his body and mine, he left me with his perspectives marked on my soul.

The video below, is a video of a song he left playing in my head... As he disappears into the metropolis of wherever.


It's been a long time, back to blogging

It's been a long time since I have written something for my blog. I have been busy writing poetries and recuperating from the stress of going to the clinics for my lab tests and going to San Lazaro. I will go there anytime this month, of course on a Thursday. I am now arranging my finances to save for two things, for my future medical expenses and for my Bucket List, which includes traveling to the far provinces and abroad, purchasing a guitar and learning how to play it, and getting new tattoos.. All of which involves a hefty amount of cash.

A lot have happened during the last week of May to the first week of June, which I am going to blog about in the next few minutes, hours and days. I have written a lot of poetries lately, too bad I have deleted some in my PR (Planetromeo) account as well as in my cellphone's outbox, I rarely keep poetries I write for someone. It's like letters, we never or we rarely keep copies of letters we give, right? Same as poetries for me.

I have discovered new bands and one is a hardcore Christian band named Flyleaf. I have new textmates, I have new friends (although I haven't met some of them, yet), I have new perspectives.

I need to get back on track at work and for the organization which I am a president. I have forsaken them so much this past few months because of my severe depression. I need to get back on track on that.

So far, I am happy with my new perspectives. I am happier and living more now. I don't know when this feeling will last, but my appetite for dreaming and my desire to fulfill them, feeds my happiness and passion to be alive. There's less room for anger, less room sadness, now, there's less room for darkness.