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Thursday January 5, 8:19 PM, 2012. Sitting on my bed with Chungking Express playing in the background. Lights are out, and feeling the cool breeze coming from outside. Smell of cigarettes fills the air. No, it wasn't me, it was someone else who's smoking. At this very moment, Fred is enjoying the second DVD being played in the entertainment system he is just now enjoying. We assembled this entertainment system together four years ago, it took that long before he's able to enjoy it. We watched Happy Together by Wong Kar Wai earlier, now I am making him watch Chungking Express as I left the rice cooking. I can smell the rice now, it is making me hungry more and more as I type these words. I have the roasted ribs ready to be heated up sitting on my work table, Angel cooked it for me for New Year's eve. Fred doesn't want to eat, not because it was Angel's cooking, but he just doesn't eat pork, that's all.

Fred just had a break-up,  and he needs someone to be with him right now. This is what's good between us, we're friends, we are comfortable to be with each other without any malice or anything, I guess this is what happens when wounds heal after break-ups. In our story, I was the one who broke-up and gave-up. It has been four years since that day, time does heal wounds, not even scars are apparent and felt between the two of us, we are like just two old friends. I am making Fred watch these movies so he can somehow find different perspectives on relationships and why they don't work out the way we want them to. I do hope that after this movie, he will feel better about himself. 

Me and Fred had been a couple for 10 months back in 2008, I broke-up with him in December of that same year. We had our moments, we had our terrible moments, but I don't actually remember much memories about the two of us or the things we did together unless we talk about it. Whenever we are together now, we have the "oh yeah, I did that?" line or "Of course I should know I'm your ex" or the "I know you" lines. It feels good because we are just like two kids talking about our childhood memories. Unlike Angel, whenever we (angel and I) talk about our past, it feels like a kid talking to a parent, well he really acted like my parent when I was growing up back when we were together. 

It is not easy to be friends with people from our past that have tainted us in some way. No matter how we reach out to them or no matter how we distance ourselves from them, there are ways that they will either reach out to us or we stumble upon a memory of them. Distance helps, time helps, we can be friends with them again, but perhaps not now and not anytime soon. It may take weeks, months, or years; but it will definitely heal the wounds. 

Time is needed for any wound to heal, whether it is a physical wound or a wound caused by a broken heart. 

We must step back, way back, and let ourselves and you as well as that person heal. Perhaps one day, the two of you will bump into each other and greet each other happily. Until wounds are closed, one must not force himself into the other one's life. 

One will know he has moved on when he sees the past and a faint smile is worn on one's face, and no hurt is felt even from the faintest heart beat. 

Charity Sunday

After 9 hours of working alone, because my teammate was on leave last Saturday shift. I headed straight to my friend's (Gel) place, who lives in Pasay. Gel offered to use their family pick-up truck to transport my new sofa. I logged out at 7:10 AM, went to the front of the building and bought myself a cup of taho. As I finish that cup of warm and sweet soya product, I chit chat with my the agents who littered the sidewalk as they burn their lungs out. After a while, I finally went to the bus stop and then to the MRT-Ayala station. On a Sunday, I was surprised that the MRT going to Taft was full.

I arrived at Gel's place at around past 8 AM, I was tired and sleepy. While we were waiting for the sofa to arrive, Gel opened some of the balikbayan boxes that littered his room. There were a lot in every corner and at the middle, some boxes from his trips abroad for the past several months have barely been opened. Anyway, he let me try on some shirts that he haven't worn yet. "Nice" I said to myself, free designer clothes! Gel's a tall guy, stands around 5'8" or 5'9" while I', only 5'3". It's nice that his clothes fit me well because I have grown bigger... in fat! He gave me several long sleeves from Calvin Klein! To add, he also gave me two ceiling lamps from Ikea that he never used. Wow, how generous. The trip to Gel's place was like a charity ukay-ukay heaven!

After an hour two, our friend Tess arrived. So we were headed to our boss's place. After picking of our boss who lives in Makati, we then head to our boss's boss place which is in Mandaluyong to get the much awaited sofa. We waited at the basement. Our big boss finally went out of the elevator with her two maids and with them is a mustard yellow two seater sofa, the upholstery is weaved with patterns of little maple leaves, the feet are of dark wood and the fabric looks still quite new. My eyes popped, 'coz I did not expect that the sofa that's going to be given to me will be that nice! Oh, it has two throw pillows that came with it too! We then loaded the sofa unto the back of Gel's pick-up truck. AS we loaded and tied the sofa, the two gay men suddenly became butch!

We then travelled to Cubao to pick up our friend John. John has been a close friend of mine for a decade. Stands 5'8", ultra fair skin, hairy, chinito, with an evil smile. He was one of the first one who knew about me having HIV. We arrived at his place and we was still sleeping so I went up to his bedroom and hurriedly woke him up. He greeted me in a dozy way saying he'll be ready in a bit. After a few minutes of waiting I got a text message from our boss's boss that it's already raining in Mandaluyong. The moment that I was reading the text, I suddenly felt little drops of rain. Gel started running to me saying we have to wrap-up the sofa in trash bags. He did not bring the cover for the pick-up's loading bay because he thought it can't be use with the sofa anyway. I ran to the nearest 711 and bought the largest sized trash bags I could find. It took us 30 minutes to entirely cover the sofa with trash bags and tape. Rain started to pour when we were done. It was an ultimate downpour.

The five us, me, John, my boss, at the back passenger seat, Gel and Tess at the front. Cozy inside the pick-up truck as we bravely drive in the already flooded streets of Cubao. I was terribly worried that the sofa will get drenched despite of trash bag coverings we made. We drove into the horrendously hard downpour. Gel was so careful because it was getting more and more difficult to drive with the lowered visibility caused by the rain, not to mention to flooded streets we have to drive by through.

We had fun by looking at the half naked men bathing in the rain along the streets. 3 gay guys and two single ladies packed in one truck in the middle of a downpour are such a crowd. I was the navigator as we headed North of Quezon city to my place. We have a long drive ahead of us and more half naked men to watch.

We drove along Maginhawa street in Sikatuna Village and then to Teacher's Village. Ironically, the drive was not maginhawa at all because of the river like flood that Gek and the pick-up truck had to endure. Because of the passing tricycles that keeps on passing by, our hopes of making it up north were brightened. After a few minutes of braving Maginhawa street, we finally got out to Commonwealth highway. I called my boyfriend P, who was at that time cooking lunch for us; I told that I was not able to buy rice because of the rain, he then said he's going to cook rice instead of us buying some.

After an hour of driving, we finally arrived at our building. I was a bit sad that the sofa got wet., although not entirely drenched. I had the maintenance crew come over to unload the sofa to the building cluster's foyer... there I saw the sides and back of it drenched and had watermarks. THe happy mustard sofa was then gloomy and wet... so emo, I thought. We headed to my unit.

P, was already preparing the Japanese table. He cooked pork sinigang and chicken adobo for lunch. As we eat, we nervously waited for my friends' feedback of his cooking. They all said in a happy voice, "ang sarap"! I can see P's little smile brighten his face wit the utter of those words.

My friends spent an hour or two eating on the Japanese table while sitting on the floor as we watched ASAP and watching Party Pilipinas. P surprised them with ice cream that they gladly consumed like little children. All of us were tired after a few hours. Good thing I bought disposable plates, utensils and cups to save us from the torment of washing the dishes.

My friends went home in the early afternoon and we escorted them to the pick-up truck. We bid them goodbye and saying thank you for visiting us in the almost provincial far north. Me and P then walked back to our building and looked at the wet mustard sofa resting in the foyer. He said it's going to be alright and we will just wait for the sun to come out, perhaps tomorrow. P and I went back to our flat.

I'm very happy things turned out great in spite of the rain and of the sofa getting wet. It will still be used and it will be alright. I am thankful for my friends for giving me the stuff I needed as well as some clothes, most of all, I thank them for the friendship.

I am very thankful for P. I am thankful that he's my man and for him being a gentleman. Cooking is never easy and coping with my mood swings, I know it's sometimes annoying. Thank you P for everything, not only that you are a good cook, but you are a good boyfriend as well. The final furniture piece has been given to me and I have a great partner.

My home is now complete.

It's been a long time, back to blogging

It's been a long time since I have written something for my blog. I have been busy writing poetries and recuperating from the stress of going to the clinics for my lab tests and going to San Lazaro. I will go there anytime this month, of course on a Thursday. I am now arranging my finances to save for two things, for my future medical expenses and for my Bucket List, which includes traveling to the far provinces and abroad, purchasing a guitar and learning how to play it, and getting new tattoos.. All of which involves a hefty amount of cash.

A lot have happened during the last week of May to the first week of June, which I am going to blog about in the next few minutes, hours and days. I have written a lot of poetries lately, too bad I have deleted some in my PR (Planetromeo) account as well as in my cellphone's outbox, I rarely keep poetries I write for someone. It's like letters, we never or we rarely keep copies of letters we give, right? Same as poetries for me.

I have discovered new bands and one is a hardcore Christian band named Flyleaf. I have new textmates, I have new friends (although I haven't met some of them, yet), I have new perspectives.

I need to get back on track at work and for the organization which I am a president. I have forsaken them so much this past few months because of my severe depression. I need to get back on track on that.

So far, I am happy with my new perspectives. I am happier and living more now. I don't know when this feeling will last, but my appetite for dreaming and my desire to fulfill them, feeds my happiness and passion to be alive. There's less room for anger, less room sadness, now, there's less room for darkness.