Thursday, September 30, 2010

My Top 5s - My 5 favorite video covers from random people in Youtube

I think posting about top 10 whatevers is just too much and too many for a single post. So moving forward, I am cutting my top 10s to top 5s.

Here are some of the few covers of my favorite songs from random men I stumbled upon in Youtube. I hope that the songs, versions, voices, and faces of these men will give you not just musical but visual entertainment as well.






Wednesday, September 29, 2010

If I ain't got you...

*Maroon 5 version*

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me

If I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Monday Nudes

In my own opinion, nudity is the ultimate expression of freedom, and the purest and rawest form of beauty.

There was a nude shoot done in my condo earlier. My photographer friend who is into nudes brought a friend with him, the model. My place is his usual instant studio when his models are from QC. As usual, they're women, unfortunately we barely find men who are interested to pose nude these days. Earlier was the 3rd nude shoot done in my place. For the first one, I was the lighting assistant; the second and third, I was still the lighting assistant and P was the creative director and make-up artist, he is the one telling the model what poses to make to compliment their figure and face. Sometimes I get to shoot the models too. I had a few shots of the 2nd shoot done here, but I don't have shots that doesn't show the model's face, for privacy reasons, of course, I can't post the photos here. I have nude shots of myself in my "other" publicly open Flickr account, but I will not post 'em here. You guys already know why...

I wasn't able to flick a few shots of the model earlier, because my photographer friend was in hurry to go to work as well as P. One thing about earlier is that the model is young and me and my friend are into the hardcore nude... The model just wants a "pa-sweet" nude, no nipples, no flowers, no butt, just bare skin and not much face. I can do that, but there was just not much time, all three (P, the friend, the model) have to pack up and go to work. So I will just wait for another nude shoot to happen or for someone to offer his or her body to be shot by my Xian (camera).

After everyone left and I am all alone in my place, I was planning to do a nude self portrait. But no, not now, perhaps after a few more weeks, or on my birthday, me wearing just a birthday suit.

(after a few hours)

Alright, I did do a couple of shots of me naked. I can say that I am not at my best shape, but hey, as I said, nudity is the ultimate freedom. I am free to express however and whatever I want. So like a brave little boy... Here are some shots I did out of boredom and inspiration of the earlier photoshoot we did here at my place.

(after a few hours more)

NOTE: I have to delete my nude photo I posted earlier in this entry. My tats are clues to who I am. Note-to-self: Do not shoot any part of my body with tattoos.

Mr. Jack

Crystal drops

Shower Head

Come in to

Undying Love

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Black Havaianas 2002-2010

Black Havaianas 2002-2010

7:30 AM, Friday, September 24, 2010. While I was on my way to the store at the front of the building where I live, to buy water and cigarettes, the left slipper broke. I thought I can still fix it by inserting back anchor-like rubber that attaches itself to the other end of the slipper... whatever it is called, it was broken, it fell on the floor the moment I lift my slipper.

It was my first and only pair. It was bought in duty free when my BF at that time came home from the states. While the whole family bought a whole lot of stuff, all I asked was a pair of brand new slippers. I told the BF that I want the black one, despite of his persistence that I choose a more elaborate design, I wanted the black and simple one, so with hesitations and still a lot of suggestions, he bought the pair I wanted. I loved that pair. We've been to many beaches like... Subic, Cebu, Bataan, Boracay, Puerto Galera. We've had some mountain adventures as well, like Bacolod and Bicol and went to so many places and that slipper has been a witness to many of my adventures and explorations.

They have been a good pair, durable, and served me well for 8 years.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Dalawang araw na magkasunod na 12 oras akong nagtatrabaho sa opisina, hindi yun tama at hindi makakabuti sa kalusugan ko. Ayokong napupuyat sa pagtatrabaho, bukod sa bawal ito sa akin, hindi naman talaga bawal, ayoko lang manghina ang katawan ko. Alam niyo na.

Kanina, nakapaglogout ako ng eksaktong alas-singko ng umaga, 8pm-5am kasi ang shift ko, tuwang-tuwa ako at makakapag-abang ako ng bus na hindi pa sumisikat ang araw. Mamayang gabi ko na lang tatapusin lahat ng mga kailangan tapusin bago mag-Sabado, dahil gusto ko ang aking Sabado shift ay magaan, dahil huling araw ito ng aking isang linggong trabaho.

Sa sobrang pagod ko kanina ay mahimbing akong nakatulog sa bus. Ugali ko kasing mag bus mula Ayala hanggang Diliman o kaya Fairview (sasakay pa kasi ako ng jeep pauwi). Mula Ayala ay nakatulog pala ako hanggang East Ave. Mabuti nalang at walang tumulo mula sa akin. Hindi ko lang alam at wala na rin akong pakialam kung anung hitsura ko habang tulog o kung pinagtatawanan ba ako ngmga tao habang nakapikit ang aking mata.

Pagbaba ko sa bus kanina ay hindi ko maiwasang maalala ang isang umagang pauwi ako galing sa trabaho ilang buwan na rin ang nakakalipas...

Pagod na pagod ako 'nun, Kaya sobrang himbing ng tulog ko. Tulad ng ibang araw, sumakay ako ng bus pauwi, mula Ayala. Pagkagising ko eh dali-dalian kong tiningnan kung nasaan na ako, "aba nasa may Fairview na pala" wari ko sa sarili ko. Lumampas na ako sa usual na binababaan ko, "hindi bale sa Caltex na lang ako mag-aabang ng jeep" naisip ko. Nang medyo may wisyo na ako ay naramdaman ko ang aking bibig na nanunuyo, nauuhaw ako. Nag-ayos ako ng aking sarili, nang naramdaman ko na parang basa ang bandang dibdib ng aking polo shirt. Nung kinapa at tiningnan ko ang polo shirt ko ay basang-basa ito mula buttones hanggang sa may bandang tiyan. May isang trail ng basang parte ang damit ko! Basang-basa siya na parang itinapat sa gripong hindi maayos ang pakakasara, pwedeng siyang pigain. Kinapa ko ang goatee ko, basa din. Shet! Tumulo ang laway ko mula Ayala hanggang Fairview! Ang layo nun a, at ang dami pa! Bigla akong napatingin sa paligid ko, ako na lang pala ang nakaupo sa likod, may mga apat na rows ng upuan ang pinakamalapit na tao mula sa akin at wala ring tao sa mga upuan sa likod ko. Mabuti na lang din at kumuha ako ng paper towels mula sa C.R. na siyang pinampunas ko sa mukha at sa bibig ko, baka may natuyong laway pa kasi sa mukha o sa labi ko. Pinunasan ko na rin ang damit ko. Napaisip ako, ilan kayang mga tao ang nakakita sa akin na nagffountain na pala ako ng laway sa isang tabi? Nakakahiya! Napansin ko na malapit na akong bumaba, niyakap ko ang bag ko habang papunta sa harapan ng bus, derecho ang tingin ko at walang lingon-lingon, pumara ako at bumaba ng bus. Yakap-yakap ko pa rin ang bag ko habang nag-aabang naman ng jeep pauwi sa gitna ng init ng araw sa kahabaan ng Commonwealth avenue, dahil hindi pa tuyo ang damit ko dahilan ng pag-f-fountain na laway ko sa loob ng bus.

Mula na noon, ay nag-iingat na ako na hindi bumuka ang bibig ko kapag natutulog o matutulog sa bus.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Last Song Syndrome

This is the only song I have been listening to for the past two days.

Drops of Jupiter
by Train

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hide and Seek

Park dream
Parked Dream

Park for two
For Two, me and you


Crystal droplets
Crystal landings from outerspace

Tears of the Sun
Tears of the Supernova

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Drummer Boy

5 AM Saturday, I just logged out and DB (Drummer Boy) was at my station asking me to smoke with him. I gladly said yes as I wait for P's text. I have to wait until P texts me before I head home, because I have to pick him up at Shaw boulevard, which is the nearest place from where he works. While waiting, me and DB smoked a few sticks outside our office building. After a stick, he bid goodbye to our officemates as it was their last day of the week. After our session, he invited me to his office to kill time, I remembered myself dropping by his office earlier in my shift, and I remembered he has his ipod with him, that thought got me excited like a kid going to get candies!

It is always a treat for me to browse DB's iPod, because I am always surprised at the great number of files we both have and bands we both listen to and I always have new musical discoveries whenever I tinker with his toy. DB is one of the rare few who has almost exactly the same taste in music as I have, not to mention we share the same level of passion in photography, music, tattoos, and bands. He has his own band in which he is the drummer, thus, the alias Drummer Boy. He has a number of tattoos inked on him, one in particular is a new one, and still has three more sessions to go before it is done. The new tat is so big and intricate that it made me stare in awe. His new tat made me so envious to have a new ink! I already have two and the longest I have is a 1 foot tat on my left torso. The only differences me and DB have is that he's straight and he doesn't listen much to Japanese music. DB introduced great artists, bands, and music to me and of which all I'm already addicted to these days, he also frequents my favorite "solitary" and hangout spots... Saguijo and Cubao X.

Me and DB always talk about what lenses to buy next, photography techniques and we often wonder in awe on how fascinating some photographs are. We often debate and discuss how to produce a particular shot, what lens and what techniques were used. One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands was introduced to me by DB, Neon Brights by Taken by Cars is one, as well as Lost by Skin. He knows I am into the melancholic tunes, which he also has a lot. So he made me listen to his song of the day which is in loop in his iPod. He said that it is the only song he listens to all day long. As he do his end of shift reports, I tucked myself in a corner of his office and listened... I was ecstatic, the song just sent shivers down my spine and made goosebumps swell erratically all over me.

Gotten - Slash (Featuring Adam Levine)

So nice to see your face again
Tell me how long has it been
Since you've been here
You look so different than before
But still the person I adore
Frozen with fear
I'm out of love but I'll take it from the past
I'll let out words cause I'm sure It'll never last

And I've been saving
These last words for one last miracle
But now I'm not sure
I can't save you if
You don't let me
You just get me like I never
Been gotten before

Maybe it's the bitter wind
A chill from the Pacific rim
That brought you this way
Do not make me think of him
The way he touch your fragile skin
That hunts me everyday
I'm out of love but I can't forget the past
I'm out of words but I'm sure it'll never last

So nice to see you face again
But tell me will this ever end?
Don't disappear

And I've been saving
These last words for one last miracle
But now I'm not sure
I can't save you if
You don't let me
You just get me like I never
Been gotten before
Like I never been gotten before

Friday, September 17, 2010


釣 (Fishing)
Was summer fishing.
Caught one but I returned it.
I want my fish back.


保護しなさい (Shelter you)
Braving the hard rain.
Under just one umbrella.
Walking on wet streets.


再度開始 (Start again)
Why think of the past?
When the future is brighter.
Now, let us be friends.


ぬれた、冷たい朝。(Wet and cold morning.)
In bed, cold, alone
Heart waves travel silently
Sleep, effortlessly


はえは放す (Fly free)
Freed from barbed chains of...
Melancholic memories.
Freed wings to take flight.


監視人 (Watcher)
The big sky so high.
Stare at me, infinite eye.
And mirror my mind.


光速度 (Light speed)
Is flying and free.
Traveling the universe.
Of stars and heart beats.


あなたの衛星 (Your satellite)
Satellite hovers.
Pulsating beats delivered.
Watching peacefully.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A rosy Sunday

One Sunday morning, P decided to pick me up after work. The guards opened the huge glass doors both left and right, I walked out of the building's main entrance. The main entrance was elevated a few feet above the pedestrian walkway, so there's a flight of stairs going to and from the main door. It was a few minutes past 5:00 AM, the sky is still dark and the smell of cigarettes fills the morning air as there were quite a lot of people taking their lunch and 15 minutes break outside.

I saw P not far away, standing nearby at the edge of the pedestrian walkway and the asphalt road. As I walk down the short flight of stairs and approaching him, he smiled, and presented four red roses.

We walked to the bus stop with me carrying the bunch red roses and his left arm over my shoulder.

Sunday Rose
This is the photo of the three red roses P gave me. I stored them away for keepsake; it is now dry but the memories are as fresh as the day he gave them to me.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

My Top 10s - Why I love Mr. P

10. Helps me heal my wounds in spite of him getting hurt in the process.
09. Changed himself to fit and get in the half-opened door I have.
08. He accepted me despite of the number of flaws I have.
07. He has a very long patience with my childishness.
06. Is picking up the pieces of my broken heart.
05. Gives light and warmth to my cold home.
04. He fights the darkness in me.
03. He hasn't given up on me.
02. He makes me laugh.
01. He's still here.

We might never understand why people stay or leave in our lives. The most important, are those who stay.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Japan Japan

I really can't stop day dreaming of someday living, working or even just having a vacation in Japan. Although a vacation will be much too expensive, considering Tokyo is the most expensive city in the world and Japan is the most expensive country to live at in the whole world. But hey, I love Japan. I love their culture, I love their music, anime, food, and values, as well as literature.

Hayaku: A Time Lapse Journey Through Japan from Brad Kremer on Vimeo.

Someday Japan, I will visit you... To breathe your air, bathe in your waters, and get lost in the glimmer of your cities.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

CONGRATULATIONS, Unibersidad ng Pilipinas!

No, I am not from that University. I spent a year in FEU-FERN then I transferred to a college in Cainta, Rizal. Anyway, I was watching the UAAP Cheerdance Competition just a few minutes ago. I can say that the competition and moves are getting better each year. My favorites were UP and FEU, UP did an awesome job this year. After their performance, I thought that they will really win this year, they did.

Congratulations to UP! I just wish that I should have brought my mom and the rest of my mother's side to Araneta. It would have been a great family reunion and bonding activity, they would have love watching the cheerdance competition, and they would have been all emotional with their school winning. Perhaps next year.

I just wish my lola is still here with us, together with her children and grandchildren, celebrating the victory of grace, dance, and cheer of their beloved school.

Again, congratulations to UP for winning this year's UAAP Cheerdance Competition.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Precious Memory

Waltz of the Starry Sky

Hoshizora no Waltz (Waltz of the Starry Sky) by Minami Kuribayashi

(english translation)
The loneliness of parting
is always the same.
Despite being able to see you again tomorrow,
I don't want to leave.

Please, embrace me gently.
I want to protect this happiness forever.

Illuminated by the midsummer constellations,
The two of us recite in small voices.
Will you teach me secret words?
Let's make a charm.

On the way we always walk home,
We're unable to separate our connected hands.
I want to stay like this, but
Time keeps passing by.

There is only one dream painted in the sky;
I want to become your star, someday.

If I look into your gentle eyes,
For some reason, my tears overflow.
You knew my initial pains.
...I love you

Illuminated by the midnight constellations,
The two of us pray in silence.
With such honest feelings,
We can stay together like this.

Light is given life, now
By our hearts

Friday, September 10, 2010

Thinning depression

MID 2009

I miss my old body, just last 2009 until the early quarters of this year, I can still wear shirts sizes XS and S. Now I can only wear large shirts. Damn it feels great to eat, but it feels worse to have a low esteem caused by a wobbly built. Every pound I gain is a level down on my self-esteem scale.

Just a few weeks ago, a kid at the nearby store said "ang sungit ng mamang mataba". People I don't know address me these days as "mama" or "manong" or "kuya". This extra pounds I bare made me look old too. (sigh)

When I was thin, strangers address me as "iho" or "boy". Last year, cashiers at 711 stores ask me to show them my ID before they can give me a pack of cigarettes, it happened in 4 different 711 stores along Taft, and in Makati. Roving guards and policemen often stop me during my evening photoshoots in Manila, in Intramuros in particular. Asking me for my ID and why I was still on the streets at that time of night, asking me where I study and if I have classes the next day. (sigh)

I really have to lose this extra pounds. My target date is fast approaching. My grandest birthday gift for myself is to lose such weight and to greet 2011 with a better body, be in better shape, be fitter, and have a much healthier body; despite of the virus in my blood. With precaution and proper nutrition, I hope dieting and the speedy weight lost won't have much negative effect on my CD4 count.

I long to live longer.

MID 2005

Thursday, September 9, 2010


by Younha

Looking up to the night sky alone, I saw a comet
In an instant it burst open, and disappeared
When I think of you, my heart aches
I want to see you right now
But I can't fly

If I could turn into a comet
I would run through the sky and fly
No matter what tomorrow is like, these feelings are strong
So this comet will never break open

When I grumble about hating it when it rains
I even now remember what you would say
Stars will come out beautifully in the night sky, after the rain
When I think about that
I think that I can grow to love the rain too

If I could turn into a comet
I would shed my overflowing light
Whenever I was sad, you would always look up to the night sky
And make it shine even more, so that I would smile

You're always alone, and fighting with something
But I can't be,
At your side

If I could turn into a comet
I would run through the sky and fly
It will definitely reach you, in the light of this moment
Your moment shines, bringing the sky around
If I could turn into a comet
I would certainly be by your side, at any time

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Cities of lights

Ang sakit ng mga paa ko! Sobrang sakit, na halos hindi ko na kayang lumakad papunta sa hintuan ng bus na nasa tapat ng 711 sa Cubao na malapit din sa istasyon ng Superlines. Pagod na, masakit na ang mga paa, wala pang magagandang kuha! Anu ba naman ito!

Nagsimula ang araw ko ng gumising kami ni P at ako ay naghanda ng tanghalian. Marami akong hinain kasi mahaba ang araw naming dalawa. May pasok na siya mamayang gabi at ako naman ay nagbabalak magkukuha ng litrato sa EDSA pagkatapos kong magbayad ng hinuhulugan kong loan sa Makati branch ng Pag-Ibig Fund. Pagkatapos namin kumain at naligo na kami, nagbihis, at lumarga na. Hapon na ng kami ay nakarating sa Kamuning station ng MRT. Nanghihina na si P nang kami paakyat sa MRT station, pagod na raw siya at mainit daw kasi. Habang ako naman ay mabilis pa rin ang lakad. Maraming tao, lunes kasi. Pagdating ng Shaw station, nagpaalam na siyang bumaba at pupunta pa kasi siya ng bangko para kunin ang ATM niya, ako naman ay sa Ayala station pa ang baba.

Ayala station, sobrang daming bumababa dito sa istasyon na ito. "Lintek, sira pa ang isang escalator, hindi tuloy ako maka-ariba ng lakad paakyat" sabi ko sa sarili ko habang nakatayong naghihintay umakyat sa dulo ang escalator. Mainit nga, at tama ang desisyon kong magdoble ng shirt. Basta tuwing magkukukuha ako ng litrato sa kalye ng kung saan. Sinisigurado kong doble ang t-shirt na suot ko, para hindi magsituluan ang pawis hanggang brip. Binagtas ko ang mga daan patungo sa Atrium, na kung nasaan ang Pag-Ibig Fund. Nadaanan ko ang Manila Peninsula Hotel, isang hotel na punong puno ng magagandang alaala... Nung kami pa ni SEX (Significant Ex), palagi kaming bumibili ng tinapay sa Peninsula Exclusivities, isang bakery sa loob ng hotel, at sinisugurado naming kakain kami dun ng hapunan sa The Lobby kapag malapit na ang pasko, tuwang-tuwa kasi siya sa giant Christmas Tree at sa Chorale na kumakanta doon ng mga pang paskong kanta. Nakailang Holiday Seasons din kaming pabalik-balik sa hotel na yun (anim na taon kaming nagtagal, siya rin ang first ko). Minsan ay magp-pig-out pa kami dun mula alas siyete ng gabi hanggang sa matapos ang buffet, tapos manonood ng sine o uuwi na dahilsa sobrang kabusugan.

"Hay salamat" sabi ko sa sarili ko, andito na ako sa Atrium, maraming tao, lunes eh, pero palagi namang maraming tao dito anu man ang araw ng linggo. Tumungo ako sa 3rd floor para kumuha ng payment form, maganda ang babaeng nag-asikaso sa akin, mukhang pagod na sa dami ng mga taong pinagsilbihan niya, kaya binigyan ko siya ng matamis na ngiti nung inabot niya sa akin ang mga papeles na kailangan ko, sabay sabing "salamat miss" sabay ngiti... Sinuklian naman ng ngiti ng magandang miss ang akong pagbati. Unang palapag, 977 pa lang ang nakasalang para magbayad, eh pang 1080 ako! Marami pang oras magwithdraw ng pera sa ATM at magyosi sa likod ng Atrium.

Nung ako ay nagyoyosi sa likod ng building, natanaw ko ang Mandarin Oriental, ayan, naalala ko na naman si SEX. Dun kasi kami ng birthday nung nakaraang taon, at palagi din kaming bumibili ng iba't ibang klaseng tinapay doon. Suki kami ng Mandarin Deli, at kilala siya ng mga nagtitinda doon at pati mga waiters at chefs sa Paseo Uno. Paboritong restauran ko ang Paseo Uno, kasi maliit lamang ito at hindi matao, maraming sulok at la mesa na medyo tago kaya may privacy talaga ang mga kakain doon. Pwede pang maglagi sa poolside kapag nagpapababa ng kinain. Kumusta na kaya si SEX?

Bumalik na ako sa pila sa pagbabayad habang naglalaro ng Red Alert sa cellphone. Ilang minuto ang nagdaan at dumating na si P. Pawisan! Binigay ko sa kanya ang panyo ko dahil ang panyo niya ay pwede nang pigain sa pawis.

Nakapagbayad na ako pagkaraan ng ilang minuto mula nang dumating si P, ang bilis, marami kasing bukas na counters. May utang pa akong isang buwan. Na-delay kasi ako ng bayad. Hay... Ang dami kong babayaran, may insurance pa, yung August pa na loan at yung pang September na loan payment. Anu ba naman yan! Wala pa akong ipon.

Nag mall kami ni P, nag-ikot sa Glorietta at tumungo ng Megamall dahil maaga pa raw naman, alas-siyete pa ang pasok niya. Kumain kami sa Mcdo sa Megamall gamit ang SODEXHO GCs na bigay ng opisina namin, incentive. Mabuti na lang at may SODEXHO at nakapag grocery kami ni P kahapon, yung natira, ayun, pinang macdo namin. Tagtipid kasi kami. Matagal na naman akong o kaming tagtipid. Ewan ko ba. Pero ayun sa Financial Forecasting ko, makakaluwag na ako o kami sa Oktubre.

Hinatid ko si P sa Tiendesitas, ayoko mang magtaxi kami papunta doon, dahil mahal. Nagtaxi na kami, dahil malalate na siya. Paghatid ko sa kanya sa opisina niya, sinuot ko ang earphones ko, kinabit sa telepono at nagpatugtog ng Coldplay, sabay sindi ng isang stick ng marlboro Black. Ehto na...

Wala naman masydong makikita sa Tiendesitas, Lunes kasi. Ang tagal ko na ring hindi nakakapunta dito. Dito ko binili yung carrying bag ng chihuahua ko at mini pinchers ko. Noon iyon. Wala na akong alagang aso ngayon. Miss ko na ang mga aso ko, katabi ko pa silang matulog noon. Lalo na yung chihuahua, mahal na mahal ko yung aso na iyon. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglakad hanggang sa makarating ako ng Ortigas ave. Nagabang ako ng masasakyan, nang may dumaang G-Liner. Sakay.


Habang nasa bus ay nagiisip ako kung saan ako kukuha ng mga litrato. Wala akong maisip. Sa totoo lang, wala akong inspirasyon kumuha ng litrato. Wala ako sa wisyo, may gana naman ako. Siguro hindi kasi ako malungkot. Mahirap maging o magpaka-creative kapag masaya. Ewan ko ba, nasanay na siguro yata ako na palaging malungkot. Lahat halos ng mga kuha ko sa nasa internet ay dahil sa nalulungkot ako. Pati yung mga nude self portraits ko na nasa internet ay dahilan ng matinding kalungkutan. O nga pala, may mga iilang kuha pala ako na masaya ako... Iilan lang.

Nakita ko ang EDSA Shrine,"aba, magandang kunan 'yan" sabi ko sa sarili ko. Umakyat ako sa kabit kabit na overpass. Mabuti na lang at maluwag at wala masyadong dumadaan sa parte ng overpass na gusto kong puwestuhan. Dali-dalian kong nilapag ang dala kong tripod at nilabas ang camera. Kailangan naka "bulb" ang shutter speed. "Tang-ina! Nawawala ang remote trigger ko!", pagmumura ko sa aking isipan habang hinahanap sa bag ang remote trigger ng camera. Mahirap kumuha ng naka bulb ang cemra tapos hawak-hawak ko ang body. Hindi ko mahanap, kumuha na ako ng litrato. Hindi naman ako masyadong pinagtinginan yata ng mga dumadaan, yata.


Hindi ako natuwa sa mga kuha ko. Ayoko na, lipat na ako ng ibang lugar. Estrella, Makati.

Pagdating ko sa Estrella at pag-akyat ko ng overpass, may mga tambay na mas mukha pang goons sa akin. Isesetup ko na sana yung tripod ko nang maisip ko na ang dami nila, lima yata, isama niyo na ang tindero ng sari-saring bagay na mukhang goon din. Huwag na lang, baka kuyugin ako ng mga ito. Wala akong pera at baka kunin pa nila ang camera ko! "It's not worth-it" sabi ko sa sarili ko. Bumaba ako ng overpass at nagpahinga sa Shell Gas station, nang makita ko ang napakalaking billboard ng isang lalaking walang pangitaas at may babaeng nakayakap sa kanya. "Wow! Kamukhang kamukha ko yung lalakeng nasa billboard ah" sabi ko sa sarili ko. Ilang segundo ko rin yung tinitigan, at jumingle na ako sa men's room ng gasolinahan. Maya-maya, tinitigan ko ulit yung billboard, ang guwapo nung lalaki, magpapaganda na nga ako ng katawan! Bigla ko tuloy naging crush ang sarili ko, kamukha ko eh, anung magagawa ko? Mabilog nga lang ako ngayon! Hahahahaha!

Naglakad ako mula Shell-Estrella hanggang Guadalupe, kausap ang sarili ko. Ang dami naming napagusapan. Ganun talaga ako kapag mag-isa, kinakausap ang sarili o kung hindi naman eh kung anu -anu ang naiisip at kung saan-saan gumagala ang isip.

Nakarating ako sa MRT-Guadalupe station, at nakita kong nasa tuktok ng istasyon ng tren ang tawiran ng tao o overpass, dali-dalian akong umakyat at mukhang maganda naman ang view. Bawal mag picture sa kahit saang MRT station, may camera pa sa parteng iyon ng istasyon ng tren. Naisip ko, kapag magmadali lang ako sa pagkuha, hindi naan siguro ako masisita. Nakuhanan ko ng litrato ang Guadalupe bridge sa loob lamang ng dalawang minuto. Dalawang minuto lamang, mula pagsetup ng tripod, pagkabit ng camera, pagkuha ng litrato, pagtago sa camera sa bag at sa pagtiklop ng tripod. Ang bilis noh?


...hindi ako natuwa sa litratong kuha ko. Hay.

Sumakay at nakipagsiksikan ako sa tren patungong Cubao. Nakikinig ng Underoath habang nagpapalipas ng oras sa biyahe.

Dumating ako sa Cubao na ramdam na ramdam ko na ang pagod, uhaw, at pananakit ng aking mga paa. Sarado na ang Gayway este Gateway nung dumating ako, pero nagpapasok pa rin ng mga tao ang mga guwardiya, kaya, pumasok na rin ako. Naglibot libot sa aloob at naisip kong dumerecho sa mga sinehan, maganda kasi yung dome doon at alam kong may mga upuang pwedeng pagpahingaan. Pagdating ko sa may mga sinehan, dumerecho ako sa mga maliliit na pabilog na upan.


Umupo ako, pagod na pagod. Naisip ko, na wala pa akong magandang kuha, "anu ba namang gabing ito" wari ko sa sarili. "Uy, bukas pa ang Timezone", pumunta ako doon at nagtititingin ng mga tao. Ang sasaya nila.

Sa kakatingin sa mga tao na halos puro kabataan, naisip ko... Gusto ko ng laruan.


Naglakad ako papalayo sa Timezone at sa mga sinehan patungo sa likod ng Gayway este Gateway, ang dami asing bading dito sa mall na ito eh... Isa itong malaking fishing grounds.

Paglabas ko ng mall, doon ko naramdaman na sobrang sakit na ng mga paa ko, gutom na rin ako, gutom na gutom, pero inikot ko pa ang harap ng dating Fiesta Carnival na ngayon ay Shopwise na, para tingnan kung may magandan bang kuhanan. Wala.

Naglakad ako patungong SM, kumain sa Wendy's. Nagorder ng isang Bigie Iced Tea at small na fries at humingi ng maraming ketchup. Nagpahinga at muli ay nagisip-isip, kausap ko na naman ang aking sarili. Maganda ang tugtog sa Wendy's, nagpatugtog sila ng live na version ng "I'm With You" ni Avril Lavigne, at ilan pang live version ng mga alternative na kantang hilig ko. Nawala ang pagod ko nung narinig ko ang mga kantang iyon. Ilang minuto din akong nagpahinga sa Wendy's, pagod na pagod na ako. Nagtataka lang ako, may gana naman akong magkukukuha ng mga litrato, pero wala akong makuhanan, kung meron man, hindi maganda... Bakit nga ba?


Lumilipad ang isip ko habang nakikinig ng mga kanta sa Wendy's. Nireview ko rin ang mga kuha ko, malutong na mura ang naibigkas kos a isip ko ng makita ko ang mga kuha ko, walang maganda! Nagligpit na ako ng gamit at naisip kong umuwi na. Paglabas na paglabas ko ng pinutan, pinatugtog ko sa isip ko ang kantang "I'm With You" ni Avril Lavigne na kakarinig ko lang ilang minuto lamang ang nakakaraan.

Pagod na pagod na ako, masakit ang mga paa, at walang inisip kung hindi ang umuwi na.

Napadaan ang sa Satrbucks-Arantea na punong puno ng mga baklang "bakla manamit". Tinitigan nila ako, iba't-ibang lamesa, iba't ibang hitsura. tanong ko sa sarili ko, "may duma pa ako sa mukha"? Alam kong mukha akong madungis dahil sa suot kong itom na Coheed and Cambria na t-shirt, putol na pantalon na ginawang shorts, butas na pulang high-cut na converse, at malaking backpack (camera bag), isama mo na ang tripod na mabigat. Inisiisip kaya nilang mukha akong naglalakad na Mojacko dahil bilugan ako ngayon at balbas sarado at medyo mahaba na ang pagkasemi-kalbo ng buhok? Patuloy akong naglakad habang kinakanta ang "I'm With You" ni Avril Lavigne.

Pagdating ko sa condo, dali-dalian kong hinubad ang sapatos at medyas ko, umupo sa sahig at minasahe ang sobrang sakit kong mga paa. Ilan sandali pa ay nagsindi ng yosi at naghubad ng pawisang damit. Pati pala brip ko ay basa rin ng pawis. Nagsindi ako ng dilaw na ilaw at naupo sa harap ng computer, nagsindi ng yosi at walang suot kung hindi ang brip kong itim na pawisan pa, ni-"on" ang computer, nagpatugtog ng Tensyonado ni Drizzle, at nagtype.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Street Photography - EDSA (a prelude)

I asked P if I can do a photowalk later along EDSA, he agreed with a worrying "yes". Street photography is dangerous, challenging, fun, and raw. Dangerous, because one is exposing himself to the dangers of all the street "dwellers" with a very expensive and attention grabbing equipment with him. Challenging , because it allows the photographer or requires him to view the subjects in the most radical angles he could think of. In the past, my shots are always taken on a horizontal or vertical viewpoint, tomorrow, I'll try to see things in different perspectives and will try to shoot in different angles. Street photography is fun, because you will never know what you will see along the way. Street photography is raw, because one must capture the action or the story at it happens, there are no second shoots, no practice shots, no light adjustments, and no take twos.

I will start in Tiendesitas as I drop off P to work, then off to Ortigas and will walk my way up to Estrella. I am longing to have a night shot of speeding lights, this will require me to use a tripod and a remote trigger, which I already have. The only thing is, having a tripod on my camera bag will be very heavy, given that my bag itself is already heavy with all the paddings inside of it.

Safety is a major concern in street photography. So my tip to all you guys out there who wants to have a try at street photography...

1.) Don't look like a photographer. I usually wear shorts, an old t-shirt, and worn out converse sneakers when doing photowalks.
2.) Be extra aware of your surroundings, if you feel that there are handful of snatchers or criminal minds wandering around the spot where you are. Don't risk taking your camera out.
3.) Wear very comfortable shoes.
5.) Grip your camera tightly. What I do is I wrap around the strap of the camera to my hand and wrists, then grip the camera. This will make it look like the camera is virtually tied to your hand. This will give you a very tight grip, but less control on the other settings you need to adjust. However, you will still be able to click the shutter release button this way.
6.) Presence of mind. Be aware of your subject and your own personal safety.

I remember the first time doing street photography, it was in Cubao, full 7 hours spent just walking around Cubao. Had a few nice shots, all in black in white. The header of this blog is one of the shots I took in Cubao during that time. Second was in Binondo-Intramuros. Tomorrow will be challenging because I will be shooting in slow shutter speed when the night awakens. As of this writing, I am already thinking of what time it is best to do a slow-shutter-speed-shooting in EDSA. The overpass in Estrella is a great spot, however, heavy traffic will be a hindrance because the lights from vehicles will not be traveling fast enough for it to produce streaks for the camera to capture. Hmmm...

Anyway, I am excited for my photowalk later, that is after waiting in long lines in Pag-Ibig Fund-Makati to pay my loan payment for my condo (sigh). I'll see what I can shoot tomorrow, street photography after all is all about telling a story in whatever there is to see in random.

I'll post my shoots right away when I get home tonight, then off to sleep.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

My gear wish list and dreaming of becoming famous

It's the Ber months once again. So, in preparation for the closing of this year, here are my must buys for this year! I was able to get everything in my last year's wish list. This year, I must have them all, or I think. I just hope I can still stretch my finances to make this plan a reality.

Well, the guitar can wait until early next year when I make my trip to Cebu (where I grew up) and I'm going to buy it there!

1.) Acoustic guitar
2.) Sigma 24-70/2.8 EX DG lens *must have*
3.) Lensbaby Composer lens with double glass optic
4.) Lensbaby Wide Angle/Telephoto kit
5.) Lensbaby Soft Focus Optic

Grabeh, ang mahal naman ng hobby na ito.

I am still holding on to that dream of becoming a famous photographer someday. Having solo exhibits, bringing the beauty of life and the world to all walks of life through photography, be able to publish a coffee table book or even books, have my photos published in glossy magazines, and to be able to finally call myself a photographer. I know if I just continue dreaming and having the will to stretch my boundaries and continue exploring as well as learning, I will.

My dream Camera: Canon 7D

My equipment: | Canon 500D | Canon 50mm F1.8 II | Canon 18-55mm F3.5-4.5 kit |Mac Mini OS Tiger |

Friday, September 3, 2010

Huling paalam

Isa na lamang tayong alaala ng isa't isa.

And I deleted his numbers after posting this entry.

So let this love begin.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Factors that affect the immune system

Here is something I found online that will definitely help keep us healthy. Stuff that we have to avoid to keep our immune system as healthy as possible. To the people like me who are living with HIV/AIDS, read carefully below. I know that we can no longer save our immune system, but at least, we can decelerate its shut down by natural means.

Factors that Affect the Immune System

Natural diet, happiness and serenity, high morale, a positive attitude, adequate rest and sleep, fresh air, physical exercise.



1.) toxemia from dietary errors, constipation.
2.) dietary deficiencies, in particular Vitamin C; worry.
3.) chemicals from different sources including fluoride, chlorine, etc in water supplies, pesticide residues in food, other chemicals in food; and
4.)medicine--aspirin, tranquilizers, cough mixtures, etc.


1.) alcohol
2.) smoking
3.) overweight
4.) overwork, fatigue
5.) mental trauma--anger, pain, worry, frustration, grief, fear.
6.) physical trauma--sexual excesses, excessive athletic training, prolonged discomfort, heat, cold.
7.) chemical trauma--mercury in amalgam tooth fillings, poisons from infected teeth, poisons from insect bites, ticks, etc, septicemia, common medicines, prescription medicines, antibiotics, vaccinations.


1.) severe malnutrition--junk food, high sugar, high salt, high fat, high cholesterol, severe vitamin C deficiency.
2.) all drugs used habitually whether taken intravenously, orally or inhaled, including marijuana, etc and antibiotics.
3.) bereavement, low self-esteem, guilt, hopelessness and
mental trauma of voodoo or bone-pointing death sentence by shaman, witch doctor, or modern physician.

After reading this, I thought that I am already killing myself with items II. 1,2,3,4,5 and items III. 3 - "bereavement, low self-esteem, guilt, hopelessness"


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

My Top 10s - Bands

This is the first part of my blog miniseries called My Top 10s. I will start the series by posting my top 10 most love and best bands so far. I grew up listening to these bands, but I really started listening to what I really like when I was already in high school, when I started to discover what world really is out there at the same time searching for who I truly am.

I like these bands because of the way they write and perform their songs. As for songs, in my opinion; lyrics are the heart and core of a song, how it is sung and performed is its soul.

Below are my Top 10 best bands so far... In no particular order. I can also say that this can be the top 10 list of the most depressing songs, ever.

Desperation and melancholy presented in a very beautiful way. Radiohead's songs are best listen to when raining and when one is severely depressed.

Cleanest in terms of vocals for a post-hardcore/hardcore band. Songs are mainly about soul searching and self healing, God, Jesus Christ, and Christian living.

One of the best bands to ever surface in the 90s. Their music evolved exquisitely good from one genre to another. Yet their core remains dark and full of love. They made some of the best heart wrenching, heart thumping songs I've ever known like Tonight, tonight; Stand Inside My Love, Disarm, and Ava Adore.

The band that etched their name in Philippine music history. Writing songs that reflect the minds, lives, and heartaches; of almost every young Filipino at their time.

From the Rivermaya days up to having his own band on his name. Bamboo's songs are lyrically diverse. Writing songs about politics to love to songs about being nationalistic. Bamboo has a distinct sound that is originally theirs.

Britain's best band to represent the European melancholia. Well, it's cold and wet in Europe and Coldplay's music is best suited for their weather. Hmm... I wonder that's one of the reasons why they have such a band name. With the mellow voice of the vocalist and instruments synching in whatever way, either electronically altered or otherwise; listening to Coldplay will give you that warm and fuzzy feeling whatever they are singing about.

Alternative at its best! The Goo Goo Dolls blends in different words to stir emotions, with such lyrics and with such sadness presented in a raw and straightforward way.

I'm just crazy... Crazy for you, baby! Words are just not enough to define the greatness of this band.

I discovered this band from a friend 5 years ago, and until now, few bands can write such mad lyrics as they can. They make the happiest and saddest music I have listened to. Below is a video (lyrics only) of one of the saddest songs I have ever known, You Could Be Happy.

Their video of the song Stolen made me buy my Red Converse Sneakers. This band has a Bohemianish theme to some of their songs, specially songs from their latest album Alter the Ending; and from their first single from the said album. Aside from the charming good looks of the vocalist Chris Carrabba, their songs have such charms as well, and are well balanced from hate and angst, to hopeful.