I miss my old body, just last 2009 until the early quarters of this year, I can still wear shirts sizes XS and S. Now I can only wear large shirts. Damn it feels great to eat, but it feels worse to have a low esteem caused by a wobbly built. Every pound I gain is a level down on my self-esteem scale.
Just a few weeks ago, a kid at the nearby store said "ang sungit ng mamang mataba". People I don't know address me these days as "mama" or "manong" or "kuya". This extra pounds I bare made me look old too. (sigh)
When I was thin, strangers address me as "iho" or "boy". Last year, cashiers at 711 stores ask me to show them my ID before they can give me a pack of cigarettes, it happened in 4 different 711 stores along Taft, and in Makati. Roving guards and policemen often stop me during my evening photoshoots in Manila, in Intramuros in particular. Asking me for my ID and why I was still on the streets at that time of night, asking me where I study and if I have classes the next day. (sigh)
I really have to lose this extra pounds. My target date is fast approaching. My grandest birthday gift for myself is to lose such weight and to greet 2011 with a better body, be in better shape, be fitter, and have a much healthier body; despite of the virus in my blood. With precaution and proper nutrition, I hope dieting and the speedy weight lost won't have much negative effect on my CD4 count.
I long to live longer.