Friday, September 10, 2010

Thinning depression

MID 2009

I miss my old body, just last 2009 until the early quarters of this year, I can still wear shirts sizes XS and S. Now I can only wear large shirts. Damn it feels great to eat, but it feels worse to have a low esteem caused by a wobbly built. Every pound I gain is a level down on my self-esteem scale.

Just a few weeks ago, a kid at the nearby store said "ang sungit ng mamang mataba". People I don't know address me these days as "mama" or "manong" or "kuya". This extra pounds I bare made me look old too. (sigh)

When I was thin, strangers address me as "iho" or "boy". Last year, cashiers at 711 stores ask me to show them my ID before they can give me a pack of cigarettes, it happened in 4 different 711 stores along Taft, and in Makati. Roving guards and policemen often stop me during my evening photoshoots in Manila, in Intramuros in particular. Asking me for my ID and why I was still on the streets at that time of night, asking me where I study and if I have classes the next day. (sigh)

I really have to lose this extra pounds. My target date is fast approaching. My grandest birthday gift for myself is to lose such weight and to greet 2011 with a better body, be in better shape, be fitter, and have a much healthier body; despite of the virus in my blood. With precaution and proper nutrition, I hope dieting and the speedy weight lost won't have much negative effect on my CD4 count.

I long to live longer.

MID 2005


  1. kaya mo yan! kaway, kaway kaibigan! astig noong unang picture.

  2. Siguro friend kelangan mo talaga mag work out in order to succeed. :) Dati sinubukan ko mag-diet, hindi tumalab sa katawan ko.

    Best wishes!

  3. @MB: Salamat!
    @Mugen: Ayokong mag gym, boring! Siguro dito na lang sa condo at mageenroll na ako sa Hybrid Yaw-Yan.

  4. careful ha. rememeber the factors that affect the immune system? one of them is stress. and too much physical activity and unbalanced diet can cause this.

    lol. as if naman ako. i'm putting weight as well. happy at one side cause i have been losing kgs the past few months with least effort from my end. nakakaparanoid baka dahil sa meds. but now, i gained a lot so i'm back to gym and diet.

    kakainis ang self-esteem issues noh? as if we don't have enough on our plates right now.

  5. Totoo1 Ako ang dami kong issues, daming excess baggae na ewan ko ba sa baliw kong sarili kung bakit hindi ko pa mabitawan. Nyeta.

  6. mahirap talaga alisin ang mga bagay na nakasanayan na pero kung gugustuhin mo magagawa mo....

    Nakakatamad talaga mag-work out sa gym pero mas maganda sa gym kasi kumpleto sa gamit..

    lagi akong nakasubaybay king... woi gusto ko matuto ng basic photography.. hehehe


  7. @Jab: Oiy, kumusta ka na?! Long time na ah! Salamat sa pagsubaybay, Jab.

  8. gusto ko sanang mag comment tungkol sa low self-esteem due to weight gain, pero wag, basta ang alam ko kapag chubs cute at masarap yakapin, mas okay nga kung makakuha ka ng partner sa ganyang hitsura at least alam mong hindi lang katawan mo ang habol nila. it's the inner beauty that should matter most.