Monday, May 30, 2011

'till I fall in love again

It has been a long time since I felt so genuinely loved. I am reaching my 27th birthday in a few days, now I am trying to pull myself together. It is truly rare, that someone I like, I adore, I lookup to, I care for, is the same person that I am romantically in love with.

I miss the time when I would kiss someone and I can feel his heart beat and I can feel every bit of passionate love through that kiss. I miss the time where every touch means a lot. I miss being held, I miss being loved back, I miss being needed. I miss the feeling of having someone who loves me so deeply, and I feel the same for that man. I miss love on a two way street.

I have moved on. But I long for that someone, who can read my mind, can feel my heart beat, and listens to what I say. I long for someone that looks at the same direction as I am, and at the same time inspires me to be a better person, to learn more about life and how it is to be alive. Someone who loves me and make me feel loved, no matter how far apart we are, and no matter if we see each other within a week or two.

I made myself believe I am okay that I am alone. I am okay with it, but I do not want to linger in being alone for long. It might just make me so hard, and so numb. It does feel good to have a sense of independence from a lot of things. But doesn't it feel good to let go and fall into the arms of that man you love and who loves you back the same way?

Just a thought... a realization and acceptance... Friends and family are always there and ready to give us love. But nothing in this world, can compare to the gentle warmth and ecstasy of being in love and knowing you are truly loved back.

I am alone, I am lonely, I long for that warmth of that one special love. But until I fall in love again, I have to remain strong, stand up, and walk alone.

Written on: 11/12/09 08:26 AM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:39am

Sunday, May 29, 2011

A.N.A.L. (A Nostalgic Affair, Lost)

The Photographer's Place

We used to make love on that sofabed
I loved to touch your chest, and on it I lay my head
We have good memories together, but instead
I'm getting rid of them in my head

I miss your place
I miss your face
I miss touching your skin
I miss kissing you as you grin

*Were the radio waves of my heart able to reach you?
It’s broadcasting from the Heart Station of sinners
And only God knows
How much I miss you.

We used to smoke a lot together
Marlboro Black, specially in rainy weather
I used to cuddle you a lot
Now all I have is an empty spot...

In my heart, that now...
Beats only for one.

I miss you.

*Heart Station by Utada Hikaru

Posted on Flickr: November 2009

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The memory of an almost perfect summer

I can still taste your lips
and feel your hands on my skin.
I was ecstatic whenever I was with you.
How I loved the way you embraced me tightly.
And see your eyes sparkle, ever so brightly.

I slept on your huge bed.
How I loved it, whenever you held my head.
Close to your chest.
I felt you breathe
Giving stiff life underneath.

I felt every drop of your sweat,
on my goose-bumped skin.
As you mount yourself (in) on me,
I tasted every inch of your skin.

Making sounds with your every thrust,
as our heads were engulfed with lust.
I gripped your strong thighs towards me,
Letting you know how much I wanted every inch of you.

All of you...
In me.

You filled me in
With your precious love
I squeezed every drop
Funny, that you never said stop.

Every moment was a bliss.
I cherished your every kiss.
I haven't seen it (you) coming,
until you said...

"It was nothing."

Posted on Facebook: Monday, March 22, 2010 at 4:28pm

Friday, May 27, 2011

15 Animes in 15 minutes

The rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen anime you've seen that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag fifteen friends, including me (no, you don't really have, to), because I'm interested in seeing what anime my friends choose.
1.) Rayearth 
2.) Ghost Fighter 
3.) Chobits 
4.) Time Quest
5.) Bleach
6.) Neon Genesis Evangelion
7.) Sailormoon
8.) Samurai X
9.) Ranma 1/2
10.) Full Metal Alchemist
11.) Arjuna 
12.) Slayers
13.) Voltes V
14.) Great Teacher Onizuka
15.) Hell Girl 

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, March 27, 2011 at 8:00am

Thursday, May 26, 2011

My life according to MAYDAY PARADE

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, answer these questions.
You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title.
It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name/ artist name)."
Tag your music loving friends!
Are you a male or female? One Man Drinking Games
Describe yourself. Miserable at Best
How do you feel? Bruise and Scarred
Describe where you currently live. Center of Attention
If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Anywhere but Here
Your favorite form of transportation? Walk on Water or Drown
Your best friend is... Ocean and Atlantic
Your fear... The End
What is the best advice you have to give? Get Up
Thought for the Day. You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds

How would you like to die? The Last Something That Meant Anything

Posted on Facebook: Monday, September 27, 2010 at 11:19pm

Related post: My life according to The Eraserheads

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Marlboro Black

Sa bawat piraso ng yosi na aking nauubos.
Sa bawat patak ng abo nito,
hiling ko'y yun na rin ang katapusan...
ng mga alaala mo.
Sana'y ganun kadali, parang sigarilyo,
na kapag ayaw ko na ang init nito...
Ay titigil na ako sa aking diliryo.
Sa pagtitig sa nawawalang baga,
sa pagtitig sa bawat namamatay na sindi,
hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang usok...
Animo'y ikaw, na sana'y maglaho.

Tulad ng sigarilyo
Alam kong masama ito.
Tulad ng sigarilyo
Alam kong ikamamatay ko.
Tulad ng nakalalasong usok sa bawat hithit.
Sa aking dugo, ikaw ay nananalantay,
unti-unti akong...

Posted on Facebook: Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 6:37pm

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Sa usok ng sigarilo'y pinapatay ko ang sarili ko.
Sana'y kaya rin nitong patayin, ang alaala mo.
Ikaw, na alaala ng isang masayang tag-araw,
at malamig na tag-ulan.
Na siyang naging dahilan ng pusong duguan,
at buhay na luhaan.
Ikaw, na siyang naging ilaw sa isang sandali,
at kadiliman na hindi maihawi.

Posted on Facebook: Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 6:28pm

Monday, May 23, 2011


Twenty three waking hours
An hour short from a day
Episodal maniac, at play
Writing words to his dismay

Screaming tunes, too loud
Alone and proud
Lingering in a dark cloud
Of puffy smoke and cold coke

Playing along the thoughts
Now, engulfing alcoholic streams
While reminiscing shattered dreams
Of possessive schemes

Then, was a boy
Needy, was a joy
Love was a bloody toy
Hope was his to destroy

Moments like such
Swallowing him too much
Holding the angry crutch
Death comes at a touch

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 4:35pm

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011


No matter how deep I dig a grave.
To bury what was left.
Its vines kept creeping on me.
...entangling itself my weak
and fragile mind.
As I embrace the headstone, of infinite goodbyes.

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 3:42pm

Friday, May 20, 2011

Pag-asa, surpresa, at serbesa

Naghihintay sa iyong pagdating
Gusto na kitang makapiling
Hawak ang isang sorpresa
Kasama ng isang boteng serbesa.

Darating ka pa ba?
Dibdib ko ay puno ng kaba
Pintuan ay di na bumukas
Mga yapak mo ay sa isip kumukupas

Maghihintay ako.
Hanggang mabulok ang mga bulaklak
Sa aking nanlalamig na kamao
Hanggang sa lamunin ako ng iyak
Ng serbesang aking hawak

Sa bawat paglunok,
ng serbesang sa bibig ko nakatutok
Ay siyang pagkagunaw
ng pag-asang sa iyo nakapukaw.

Written on: 11/04/09 01:36 PM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:38am


Hawakan mo ang kamay ko
Mula sa pusong nagdadasal ng taimtim
Dinggin ang aking panalangin

Written on: 11/04/09 01:35 PM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:37am

Nobyembre, lamig ng tanghaling tapat.

Tanghaling tapat
Sigarilyo'y hindi pa sapat
Para maibsan ang pagkabaliw
Ng taong itong, tila walang aliw.

Nakahubad at nakaupo
Kasarapa'y sumusubo
Ng pang-ilang sigarilyong
Isinusuka na naman niya.

Usok na lumalamon
Sa mga alaalang itinatapon
Sa kawalan ng kadiliman
Nang hindi na kailanman, masisilayan.

Lamig ng tanghaling tapat
Sana'y maging sapat
Na ang aking katawa'y sa kama ilapat.
Tulog, panandaliang katotohanan

Isang mundong parang langit...
Na akin lamang.

Written on: 11/04/09 11:31 AM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:36am

Nakabuo sa wala

May mga ilang salitang lumutang sa utak ko.
Pero kahit isa, hindi ko mailabas at makabuo kahit ano para makatulog na ako.
Mahirap maging ganito
Nauulol at natatarantado
Sa sariling mundo.

Written on: 11/04/09 11:19 AM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:35am

Away into the depths of my darkness

Hear it beating. Because right now, blood spurts out through its wounded body as it beats for me. I will not let anyone see it at all. I will not let anyone hurt it anymore.

Written on: 11/03/09 01:34 PM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:34am

In my Head

My mind is like JPOP and the wind. JPOP because sometimes I cannot understand what my mind says anymore but my heart beats to the sound it makes. Wind, because it's unpredictable, sometimes warm and sometimes cold. Sometimes I wish I have a switch to turn off my seemingly complicated mind. Sometimes I want to drill it open and pull my brain out.

Written on: 11/03/09 01:21 PM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:33am

I hate myself today. I just want to drill my head.

I don't want to be fuckin' sad anymore. But here I am typing erratically to get the fucking thoughts out of my my head. I am having a bad episode. Memories of a not so distant past haunts me. It's not good, nor happy... the memories are. Well, yes, they are happy, but I miss them... that makes it so bad and ugly. I just feel like crying right now. I just want to break down on my first day back to work. This ain't good. What a timing to start the work week. I haven't slept yet since I woke up at 6AM, I work at night, fuck.. I want to sleep. I want to get this images out of my head. Why am do I have such hang-ups. Why cannot I just get rid of these issues. FUCK YOU! You insensitive person. FUCK ME for being a shit.

Written on: 11/03/09 01:11 PM
Posted on Facebook: Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 9:32am

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My TOP 25 Most Played songs in iTunes (2009)

New Perspective - Panic at the disco
Think of You - Taj Jackson
For The Record - Mariah Carey
Kazamidori - Maaya Sakamoto
Beautiful World - Utada Hikaru
What A Catch, Donnie - Fall Out Boy
HEART STATION - Utada Hikaru
kazami-dori - Depapepe
Sweet And Low - Augustana
Y.O.U. - Avant
Doing Too Much -
Bullets - Augustana
On And On - Utada
Collide - Howie Day
Apple And Cinnamon - Utada Hikaru
Light up the Sky - Yellowcard
This One (Crying Like A Child) - Utada Hikaru
Anywhere But Here - Mayday Parade
melt away - Mariah Carey
sugar we're going down - Fall Out Boy
Smash Into You - Beyoncé
Movin' On - Elliott Yamin
Make You Feel My Love - Adele
Go On Girl - Ne-Yo
More than a love song - Augustana

Posted on Facebook: Monday, October 26, 2009 at 12:59pm

P.S. Of course I have posted something like this after this one, posted January 24, 2011. The top played songs changed again, check them here.

10 songs and cigarette sticks

Ten songs I chose to listen to
Ten songs to ease the distance of two
Longing for something I may not have
My heart bleeds and is broken in half

Cigarette sticks I need as a breathe
To carry on this pain I have underneath
This sad and dark journey I have to undertake
Hopefully will end soon before I break

Cigarette sticks and these songs
Help me see and undo all these wrongs
Cigarette sticks and these songs
Help me pass this week fast and show me where one belongs

1.) "Whatever it takes" - Lifehouse
2.) "The trouble with me" - Skin
3.) "Lost" - Skin
4.) "Burnt like you" - Skin
5.) "It's not over" - Secondhand Serenade
6.)"Your call" - Secondhand Serenade
7.)"Stay close, don't go" - Secondhand Serenade
8.) "Apple and cinnamon" - Utada
9.)"Heart Station" - Utada
10.) "Stay" - Lisa Loeb

...and a hell lot of cigarettes to help me pass by the coming week.

Posted on Facebook: Monday, August 10, 2009 at 8:47am

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

2046, a movie review

This is the second time I have watched this movie since I was in college. It was quite odd at first and I have to watch it again this time to finally get what this movie is all about.

I just finished watching the movie, so I thought to write about it before I watch the next movie on my playlist, supposedly Pan's Labyrinth, but I think I want to watch Dancer in the Dark instead. It's an original VCD copy... So I am yet to find out what's the quality going to be like when played on my TV. I had problems in the past playing VCD's on my TV. They are either blurry or the screen won't entirely fit the monitor. Anyway, back to the movie...

There is one very noticeable aspect on how Wong Kar Wai (director) focuses on the scenes. The subject on most scenes are not centered at all, he has either half of the screen filled with blank and dark spaces or some background of sort. The subjects are either at the far right or far left of the screen... He does this on very emotional scenes. probably to let the audience focus more on the emotions and on the actor rather than on the vivid background or setting. The story is all about love, finding it, ignoring, and breaking it. The protagonist or the main character who is a writer, was sometimes also the antagonist... Well, towards one particular character anyway, who was so crazy inlove with him, but he just simply can't fall inlove for her. Wherein, comes some additional characters (more women) into the story. All of whom he has feelings for, but they never did for him. The story is full of heartaches. It also shows how broken a seemingly strong person can be when love comes in to his life. The character escapes from his reality into the novel he is writing, involuntary incorporating the people in his real life to his novel.

The movie is visually exhilarating, with some photography techniques used that I don't know what they are called of. The plot is depressing, and the actors are good and well known, good looking and skinny. Makes me want to be more skinny. The movie might be dragging for people who wants a lot of sex, action, or some ubber romantic scenes... It has sex, but no romance, no action. It is not a chick flick either. But if you want visuals, good cinematography, a depressing plot, a creative setting and you want to wonder so many "whats" along the movie... Then you will love this one. As I watched along, I couldn't help myself but to continuously wonder what were the characters thinking.... But I was able to feel the emotions all throughout the movie.

That's all. Off to my next movie... Fight Club. I've taken Pans Labyrinth of my list.

Fight Club... One of my favorite movies I will never get tired of watching... If you like politics, communism, and if you have angst against the world... You better watch this film. It has a few lessons to learn about, something to think after watching it.

Posted on Facebook: Monday, July 27, 2009 at 11:27pm

That piercing darkness

I am just staying strong, swimming in this cold sea of melancholy
Trying to be stay afloat, despite of feeling lonely
Someday the light will come my way
And from this darkness I will go away
Towards that final distance
That will give purpose to my existence
Or am I already traveling
As I pass, unraveling
Lessons need to be seen and learned
But as I go farther
I just simply...

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, July 26, 2009 at 4:00pm

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


6 years ago, I was browsing the seemingly endless list of profiles in Guys4men. When a message came in with a somewhat nose-bleeding introduction of himself and some subtle words about the likeness and commonalities of the two of us. I was hooked on exchanging messages with him. Until we exchanged numbers, and eventually we met. He is just an ordinary looking guy, so ordinary you will barely notice him... Until he speaks. I was instantaneously drawn to his very colorful personality. We clicked and was stuck like two magnets together. He was The Bohemian.

I only realized just recently that he was the first ever blogger I've met. He was the root cause of all this bohemianism going on in my life and he inspired me to write more, and to continue shooting photographs. He was the one who always say that I have an "eye" for photography; such strong words to come from someone who have sold a number of his own photographical works to museums around the world. He shattered my outlook of labeling and inspired me to embrace diversity, individualism and art. He was the one who introduced me to indie music and its definitions. The first and only one to take me to my now favorite hangout, Saguijo. The first who explained to me that one appreciates being a Filipino more when one have seen the world, he inspired me to travel. He was the epitome of someone who has a magnetic personality, where everyone just seems to be drawn to his aura of profoundness and his awesomely wide taste in music and movies. In short, he was (and still is) one of the most influential men in my life. The one who planted a diverse sense of culture and positive perspectives in my childish head. One of the inspirations of this blog and to the craft I am very passionate about, photography.

Until this day , I still cannot mimic or even come close to his talent of producing the most emotionally stirring photographs with such powerful titles.

Years ago, we made a pact that both of us will get tested for HIV. If we will come out clean, we will celebrate together and have a "negativity" party. Well, that negativity party will never happen my friend.

The Bohemian; writer, film maker, photographer, artist, friend. The Influence, The Inspiration. 

Monday, May 16, 2011

My Autobiography (sumusunod lang sa instruction)

Once you've been tagged, fill this out IN YOUR OWN WORDS and repost as, "My Autobiography" and use your own answers, not anyone else's.

1. Where did you take your profile pic?
At the Photographer's condo unit.

2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Ahm... None.

3. What is your current problem?
When I will get to polish the floor of my condo unit.

4. What makes you happy most?
Dark chocolates and text messages from the Photographer.

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
"You found me" by The Fray

6. Any celeb you would marry?
Chris Carraba

7. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
The Skater Boy

8. Ever sang in front of a large audience?

9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yes. They say I look like Jon Hall, many say Eric Fructuso, some say I look like Paolo Paraiso when I'm extra thin. (kapal ng mukha ko... Hehehehe)

10. Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
When I am at the Photographer's condo

11. Do you speak any languages?
English, Filipino and a very few Nihonggo and Mandarin.

12. Has anyone you've been really close passed away?

13. Do you ever watch MTV?
not anymore

14. What's something that really annoys you?
Spitting on the streets, when someone accidentally bumps me in the middle of somewhere and never say "sorry", people who takes an unbelievably long time at the ATM.


Chapter 1
1. Middle name: -------
2. Nickname(s): (1), (2), (3) - I have three nick names
3. Current location: my beanbag
4. Eye color: dark brown

Chapter 2
1. Do you get along with your parent(s): no
2.Are your parents married/separated/divorced? : separated

Chapter 3: Favorites
1. Dark Chocolates
2. Cold and dark rainy days
3. A good poetry
4. My Mac
5. Text messages and phone calls from the Photographer.

Chapter 4: Do You..
1. Dance in the shower?

2. Do you write on your hand?

3. Call people back?
Only two people.

4. Believe in God?

5. Any bad habits?

6. Any mental health issues:
I am extremely moody, switching from extremely happy to extremely depressed in a just a snap.

Chapter 5: Have You..
1. Sprained stuff: nope.
2. Had physical therapy: nope
3. Gotten stitches? Ahm... Nope.
4. taken painkillers: Yes
5. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling: Yes
6. Thrown up at the dentist: Nope.
7. Sworn in front of your parents? Yes.
8. Had detention? Yes.

Chaper 6: Who/What was the last
1. Movie(s): Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince
2. Three people to text you: The Photographer, Anne, Micheal
3. Person you called: Mr. Chocolate
5. Person you tackled? No one.
6. Person you talked to on YM? Ms. Big C
7. Thing you touched? A stick of cigarette
8. Thing you ate? Pares
9. Thing you drank: Coke
10. Thing you said: "Stop being such an emotera" to John my neighbor this morning.
11. Person you kissed: Mulan, sa cheeks
12. Place you went: My condo building's foyer.


Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 6:58pm

Similar post - Click here

The aftermath

Lying in bed
The aftermath of the orgasmic thrill
Of gushing out words out of my head
Thoughts of embracing my lover
Feeling and smelling his skin
Excites me within

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 4:46pm

Thoughts in my head before going to bed

You're all I want
My emotions give me such a daunt
I'm so afraid to drown
To the unknown, so I buckle down

I try hard to be brave
To face the unknown future that I so crave
What's important is the present
I'm very happy that's what I meant

I shiver with goosebumps just thinking of you
I swear what I'm feeling for you is true
You literally swept away my blues
It is you that I'm afraid to lose

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 10:49am


I want to hold your hand
And take you with me to dreamland
We will make that place our reality
So we take a chance on every opportunity.

Come run away with me to that land
We will live a life so grand
We will get there fast
So we can forget about our troubled pasts

Will you take my hand?
And come away with me to dreamland?
Will you hold my hand tightly?
The stars that shine ever so brightly

...let them be our guide.

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 10:23am

Melancholic quiet screams

Save me from this misery
Of stupid insecurities.

Save me from tormented sanity
Among the beautiful vanity .

Be my soldier of bravery
And sweep me away from this tragedy.

Hold my hand
Take me to your land.

Embrace me tightly
Kiss me passionately.

Amidst this calamity
Let me drink from your mouth
The fluid of sanity
To wash away the tragedy.

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 9:28am

The beginning of something...

I gazed into you
Staring at the hues
Of your eyes so fine.

Your smile, that's brighter than sunshine.

Your face gleaming
Your kisses screaming...
With such passion and excitement
Like a teenager's first moment.

You envelope me
As how you wanted it to be
You pull me into you
With a force so few.

I surrender to my attraction
I gave in to your passion
I trust my intuition
Hoping you are my salvation.

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 9:18am

Sleepy Head

Alone is the sleepy head
Lying on his bed
Tired but gladly...
Starting again happily.

Alone no more the sleepy head
Wandering on his bed
This fast paced attraction
Cannot resist gravitation.

Happy is the sleepy head
Contented but hungry
A temporary parting
Made space for longing.

Excited is the sleepy head
To exciting places one can head
Excited and he misses
The hugs and lovely kisses.

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 9:11am

Status Message

So many words swimming in my head. It's like there is a continuous orgasmic explosion of words and thoughts inside my mind that I am having difficulty blurting out in words or writing... My head feels like bursting.... I want to open it apart.

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 8:34am

Thoughts on my way home.

"We must not make people change, but we have to inspire them to change... On their own time at their own will."

"We must not let our emotions get in the way of our logic and our ability to decide what's best for ourselves, and for everyone around us." - I got some parts of it from Star Trek.

"The truth doesn't always set us free, sometimes, it imprisons us into paranoia or it sucks out our sanity."

Posted on Facebook: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 7:26am

I just watched Slumdog Millionaire

It was a hot and humid Sunday night although it was raining. I have to shut my windows to prevent rain from spattering inside my condo. I'm on vacation, so I decided not to check my work email yet, instead watch DVD movies. I prepared two DVD's on my small Japanese table beside my computer keyboard. One was Slumdog Millionaire, the other was Casshern. I decided to watch Slumdog Millionaire first because I haven't watched it yet.

Oh by the way, yes, I have a pirated copy, somebody lent it to me. But anyways, back to the movie...

I will not write reviews about the movie, because a lot has been written about it. But instead... How I felt afterwards and what I have realized. The movie is of course about a boy who lived in the slums of India and how dreams can come true. The movie is set mostly in the slums, which was worst than what we have here in the country. It made me think that India, a country we envy because of their technicality and how they conquered the Outsourcing world, could have such slums. Most of the slum areas here in Manila even have somewhat decent and private restrooms. India and the Philippines have so much in common when it comes to the people living in the slums. The petty criminals depicted in the movie are so much like what we have here... I am not sure if we have crime organizations who uses children to beg for private profit... I heard we have, but no confirmed reports so far... Or I have been not watching nor reading the news.

The movie well depicted how it is to be living in the slums and to be that poor. The crowded streets, the tight alleyways, the lack of privacy due to rooms that are so small and close to eachother. The foul smell, the nosy neighbors, the dirty and unsafe environment. But somehow, if one belongs to such neighborhood or live there, one is safe, people protect their kind. It's like a fraternity of some sort.... I am pertaining in Manila. But whichever part of the globe we go, poverty may be the same or more cruel. It is a problem that a lot of countries face toughly.

Us Filipinos should appreciate our country's stature. Despite of the political issues and gender discriminations going on. We are still lucky that our culture is less discriminating than others. Each culture has their own beauty and hidden unspoken handicap, we're humans.

The movie has a simple message, dreams do come true... If we persevere.

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, April 26, 2009 at 11:43pm


We all gaze at the stars
Staring at them like gold bars
Salivating for some,
Wishing they are for keeps

But no matter how beautiful
...we are to them
...or them to us
We become disdainful.

Then we gaze back at the stars.

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 7:25am

Sunday, May 15, 2011

28th AIDS Candle Light Memorial

A Message:

May the light of the candle show a brighter path to those who are lost. May the light bring them hope and desire to live happily, as well as the freedom of acceptance.

- Canonista

International AIDS Candle Light Memorial 2011 Philippines


Light a candle and send a message across.

Show support and awareness this afternoon in Glorietta, Ayala Center, Makati.

Emo Show Null

I know this feeling will pass
And I don't want to be harassed
Again, because of my lacking in aesthetic standards
To suit the many tastes of the superficial beings that abound me

All of us are superficial
Better than being artificial
To one's thoughts and judgment
That way there's no argument

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 7:03am

Saturday, May 14, 2011

What the Hell?

What I like most ablout Avril Lavigne is that she still manages to create songs with such angst and carefree attitude despite the changes in her personal life. When Alanis Morissette got married, her music changed drastically that a lot of her fans and followers was not ready to listen to. While Avril, after how many albums, manages to stick to her old kind of music and keeping it fresh one album after another.  Although her music is a bit more pop now than before, it still has that upbeat rockish sound to them with rebelish lyrics and attitude Avril listeners love.

So here's her latest song that I am currently hooked to.

Oh it's not latest, it is so last year. Well I only knew of it a few days ago. Blame it on the closet hermit, that's me

You say that I'm messing with your head
All 'cause I was making out with your friend
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong
I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun

You're on your knees
Begging, "Please
Stay with me"
But honestly
I just need to be
A little crazy

All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "what the hell?"
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about...

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't save me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

What the hell?

So what if I go out on a million dates?
You never call or listen to me anyway
I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day
Don't get me wrong, I just need some time to play

You're on your knees
Begging, "Please
Stay with me"
But honestly
I just need to be
A little crazy

All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about...

La, la, la, la, la, la
Whoa, whoa
La, la, la, la, la, la
Whoa, whoa

You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I am messing with your head when
I'm messing with you in bed

All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about
All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about...

(If you love me)

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't save me
Baby, baby
(If you love me)
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la


Start walking towards the future
In time we will be okay
Nothing is easy in any way
Go ahead and smile, everything will be alright
Let (me) go
End of us has come.


I am typing like crazy
Sight a bit dazy
Feeling a bit melancholic
Drank last night like an alcoholic
It was fun to go out
Waiting for the moment to blackout
Dancing to the loud music and sound
Enjoying the beautiful sights abound
At the end of the day
All work and some play
I go home alone and it is not nice
Feels as cold as ice
In this hot summer night
I will try to sleep tight

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 6:54am

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I wanna go home and someone's there waiting for me.

No headache can beat the pain of an empty home
I am happy to have my own place to come home to after I roam
The city streets and the places I have to go to and places I want to go to
But sometimes I feel lonely for a day or two

Right now I feel like puking
But there is something missing...
Wait... Someone to console you and give you a pat on back
Someone who worries and gets mad like he's going to have a heart attack
Because of your crazy drinking...
He will scold you without thinking

Noone's like that to me at the moment.
Nobody is here to comment

It feels lonely

I feel empty

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 6:47am

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Today is the Time for Goodbye

Let’s stay friends forever and ever
Let’s dream of tomorrow and walk the road of hope
We will live freely like a bird flying in the sky
Today, we say goodbye until the day we meet again
Today, we say goodbye until the day we meet again

Let’s treasure the joy of believing in each other
Today we say goodbye until the day we meet again
Until the day we meet again.

Kyo No Hi Wa Sayonara (Today is the Time for Goodbye) translated lyrics

Here's the scene where the song is from. A bit of warning, disturbingly brutal scenes.

Monday, May 9, 2011

It was all good, but to be in an empty home.

It was a very hectic day
Went out to play
Went out to cut my hair
Went out for an affair

Too bad...

It was a very toxic day
Would want to be somewhere farther away
Went to a funeral
But would rather be somewhere cultural

Too bad... No date to be with for such...

It was a very fun day
Went out to play
Went to a party
I went so hearty

Too bad... No date to be with for such... To enjoy food and drinks

It was a very long day
It was good I did not went astray
I just got home with a headache
Getting home was no piece of cake.

Too bad... No date to be with for such... To enjoy food and drinks... And still go home in an empty home.

Too bad I am still all alone.

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 6:35am

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Beginning to stand up again.

Just a little few breaths and I will be okay
Just a little more time and I will be away
Just a little more...
Before it hit my core.

By that time I will be crying
To the song of melancholic parting
By that time I will be okay
Chasing time, wasted on unnecessary wallowing

I will be okay.

Posted on Facebook: Monday, April 13, 2009 at 4:33pm

Saturday, May 7, 2011

My love.

I miss you so.
I don't want to see you yet.
Because you'll only say I told you so!
Guess we're gonna make another bet.
On something we haven't proven yet.

I need to be with you.
The longer I hold back, the more I feel blue.
But I just feel so anti-social these days.
And I'm afraid you'll give me that daze.
The look that can turn anyone into blaze.

But I miss you so much.
I miss our talks on a boring rest day.
I miss that voice that calls me in a cute kind of way.
I miss the safety of your presence.
Being with you feels like I'm back to adolescence.

I'll show up when I'm okay.
But not now that I'm feeling kind of fray.

Posted on Facebook: Monday, April 13, 2009 at 8:38am

Friday, May 6, 2011

I miss you so much.

All I wanted was to reach my dream
Unnoticed, you aid me with gleam
Brave and strong you held me in your arms
Resting in comfort, I lie safely from harm
Endlessly I am loving...

Posted on Facebook: Monday, April 13, 2009 at 8:08am

Thursday, May 5, 2011

A new week ahead.

Hot night
Evening flight
My stomach feels tight
Off to work on a Sunday night

Cigarette smoke
Nicotine overdose
Radiohead on my ears
Never got tired all these years.

Got to get to work
Have to finish my shift
Can't wait for Thursday
That means it's over for this weekday.

Posted on Facebook: Monday, April 13, 2009 at 7:12am

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


I feel weird on how I acted
On what I audaciously wrote
I know things should be taken lightly
So I must hold back tightly

Listening to a song, words all foreign
My thoughts were suddenly aroused
Even though I can’t understand a single word
I feel the emotions being told

I can’t compose a single train of thought
For a few hours I fought
To control my words from frantically gushing out
I feel my head is like a spout

I’m sorry if this poem makes no sense
I’m becoming so intense
The words are becoming difficult to pick
This is it, I’m going to smoke my last stick

posted on Facebook: Friday, April 10, 2009 at 7:46am

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Yoga for life

When I was younger (in college), I used to seek various ways to have a healthier mind and body. To have an alternative direction to a solid set of moral values. I stumbled upon and read different texts and teachings like those of Confucius, and a vast variety of Buddhist teachings. Exploring options like those lead me to Yoga. So I bought myself a book called Jivamukti Yoga by Sharon Gannon and David Life. What I like about this book is that it not only teaches what Yoga is in general but also give insights to what Yoga is for, about, its history and the what it can do. I will not go deep on those anymore because I myself needs to read the book again to understand it fully. What I also like about this book is that it also has bits of Christian teachings in its pages, Yoga is not of Christian roots but what I know is that it started in India *and it is the second most ancient if India's six philosophical systems, which are also referred to as darshanas or poimts of view and are considered complimentary rather than independent.

Yoga is an ancient practice designed to link the body and the soul and to "liven it up". It is not only healthy, but Yoga also helps the body ones spirituality to become stronger. The Yoga poses and breathing techniques are designed to target specific body parts, enabling oxygen to be distributed more to that particular area. Also, certain yoga poses are designed to enhance organs, thus, making them function at their best. To add, those are just some of Yoga's physiological aspects and contributions to ones general health. The spiritual aspect is far more deeper and Yoga was also designed for spiritual enrichment as well.

**YOGA FOR P.L.H.I.V. How exactly can yoga benefit PLHIV?

“Worldwide, yoga has become widely recognized as an effective complementary management therapy for many conditions, diseases, and disorders, including HIV and AIDS,” according to Charmaine Cu-Unjieng, co-instructor of the Yoga for Life program.

“Since HIV attacks the immune system, PLHIV particularly need to maintain strong immune systems to keep from becoming vulnerable to a variety of opportunistic infections,” shares Charmaine. “An asana or posture sequence which aims to bolster the immune system was developed by B.K.S. Iyengar, the founder of Iyengar Yoga. The sequence encourages proper blood circulation, as well as increases the efficiency of the thymus, pineal, and pituitary glands, which are parts of the endocrine system known to regulate the production of T-cells, the body’s army against infections.”

“Inversions such as the Sirsasana (headstand), the Salamba Sarvangasana (supported shoulderstand), and the Adho Mukha Vrksasana (handstand) are part of the Iyengar asana sequence that can be of great benefit to people with compromised immunity,” adds Charmaine. “Backbends like the Salamba Setu Bandha Sarvangasana (supported bridge pose) and the Supta Baddha Konasana (reclining bound angle pose) are also used to open up the chest and stimulate thymus activity.”

Charmaine points out, “The most significant benefit of yoga to PLHIV may be in stress reduction. Although everyone experiences stress, the way that stress can take its toll on one’s immune system makes it even more of a concern for PLHIV. PLHIV may also face additional stressors in their lives, like stigma and discrimination, facing disclosure, or fear of sickness and death.”

The program also features pranayama or breathing techniques that can be equally beneficial to PLHIV, with the Ujjayi (victorious breath), Kapalbhati (breath of fire), Nadi Shodhana (alternate nostril breathing) as Charmaine’s examples of breathing techniques that help detoxify the body, increase oxygen intake, promote cellular metabolism, and most importantly, silence the mind.

But she also cautions, “Asanas and pranayamas should be taught by qualified yoga instructors who can teach you the right techniques, make adjustments to the routines for any physical limitations you may have, and make corrections as you perform the asanas. Likewise, anyone with special health conditions should consult his or her healthcare provider before beginning any yoga practice.”

When I started doing Yoga it not only helped me be flexible, but also it made my respiratory system stronger too, I was healthier. Matching Yoga practice with abstaining the consumption of land animal meat as well as any processed food, helped a lot. I stopped smoking at that time and I was not even drinking any processed drinks either. I was a heavy Green Tea drinker, the type that was imported from Japan and the one that one has to scoop out the leaves and put in a kettle specifically for teas. I can run a mile without slowing down, I can swim 4 laps without stopping in an Olympic sized swimming pool, I can climb walls (indoor bouldering) for hours. I can walk for miles, even for hours. I was lean, and it was my fittest, I had 6 pack abs. I never got sick for more than a year, and not a bit of pain in any of my insides. regular Yoga and a healthy lifestyle improved my mind and body that time. So what happened? College thesis came and it all crashed down. I was back to my old lifestyle of smoking and eating all those delicious land animal meat. I did have determination and interest, but I did not have any discipline.

Pulling out the book from my bookshelf bring back healthy memories. As of this writing I decided to go back to Yoga again. I know it will bring great help to my depleting immune system. Thus, with my "back to yoga" plan; I will promote the group I found a couple of months back in which I also partake in one of their activities (a few weeks ago).

FINAL Flyer_without logos_YFLTL-A-Thumb

***Yoga for life
Yoga for Life began in June 2010, and is the Philippines’ first community-based yoga program for persons living with HIV, as well as others who support them and the cause and want to experience the beauty of yoga. To date, the community has grown to over 300, as Yoga for Life continues to reach more people and build a community of advocates who, through yoga, share their energies towards living positively and living well.

Yoga for Life will have an activity for the 28th International Candlelight Memorial. The event will be held at Glorietta, Makati this coming may 15th. For more details of the activity, please click here.

*Practices for Liberating Body and Soul. Jivamukti Yoga by Sharon Gannon and David Life.

**Yoga for Life's Seasons by CZARINA NICOLE ONG


Sunday, May 1, 2011

Prelude: The replays you have never seen before

As I have said in my previous post, for this month of May I will be posting all the posts in my now deactivated Facebook account, with of course my real name deleted. For me it will be like a replay of my life, that you guys have never seen before. I will still post present day stories and personal documentaries in between the "replays". For proper identification, you will know the difference of which is a "replay" and a present day post if you see an italicized phrase such as this one "Posted on Facebook: Monday, October 26, 2009 at 12:59pm" at the end of every entry. Present day posts will not have those phrases.

I decided to post my entries from Facebook to this blog, because those are part of my history, and this blog is somehow a documentation of my life, thus, it is only right to migrate them here.

43 entries are to be migrated to the Bohemian Diary, it will take more than a month to fully tell a part of my documented life since early 2009 to early 2010 up to my last Facebook "note" post on March 27, 2011.

Here is the first installation... Written to say goodbye. First post for the month of May, as I say goodbye once again...


Goodbye, hell-oh!

Fear is my enemy
Undermine my weak heart
Careless and childish
Kiss me goodbye

You were a charm
Onto my body you spread your warmth
It ended blatantly.

Posted on Facebook: Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 4:45pm