It's the Ber months once again. So, in preparation for the closing of this year, here are my must buys for this year! I was able to get everything in my last year's wish list. This year, I must have them all, or I think. I just hope I can still stretch my finances to make this plan a reality.
Well, the guitar can wait until early next year when I make my trip to Cebu (where I grew up) and I'm going to buy it there!
1.) Acoustic guitar
2.) Sigma 24-70/2.8 EX DG lens *must have*
3.) Lensbaby Composer lens with double glass optic
4.) Lensbaby Wide Angle/Telephoto kit
5.) Lensbaby Soft Focus Optic
Grabeh, ang mahal naman ng hobby na ito.
I am still holding on to that dream of becoming a famous photographer someday. Having solo exhibits, bringing the beauty of life and the world to all walks of life through photography, be able to publish a coffee table book or even books, have my photos published in glossy magazines, and to be able to finally call myself a photographer. I know if I just continue dreaming and having the will to stretch my boundaries and continue exploring as well as learning, I will.
My dream Camera: Canon 7D
My equipment: | Canon 500D | Canon 50mm F1.8 II | Canon 18-55mm F3.5-4.5 kit |Mac Mini OS Tiger |
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The second chance
It was a wet morning when I arrived at my flat. My boyfriend laying in bed, I walked near the work desk and I took my clothes off. The flat was dark, as I wanted it to be, I walked naked to my lover in bed. I kissed his cheeks softly... He suddenly woke up and gave me a smile. He then reached for my cellphone that was in my right hand and started to check the messages and calls. That is one thing that really annoyed me.
It has been a while since me and P are together. It was fast, very fast, and there has been nasty things that I don't like about him. Let's just say he became so possessive and I feel like I was under surveillance at all times. I was not comfortable and why such a need to inspect all the messages in my cellphone and question all conversations that happened? He check my e-mails and my Facebook stuff. It was not nice.
We had an argument, because all that I could say was "enough". The inspections are enough, the questions are enough, I had enough of all the mistrust, questions and all the drama here and there. I cannot take it anymore. I want my privacy back, I don't want anyone meddling with my conversations with my friends or my email correspondents. The big deal here is, my privacy. It doesn't mean that when we are in a relationship, we or them has all the right to just inspect all of the stuff in our conversations. We still need to value individual privacy even if we are in a relationship.
I felt I lost my identity, I needed myself back. I almost broke up with him. But I saw the saddest brown eyes... I held back my words. I just told him he needed to go home, we went to sleep.
P, already stopped dreaming, all he wanted was to have a stable relationship and wait for the day he dies. That's all. It's not that I want him to be like me. But I want someone who has the same level of passion in life that I have. I am a sun and he is just a mere breath of light, I would have swallowed him into nothingness with my emanating heat. He is already close to lifeless, he needed someone to be with just for him to be alive. I wanted him to be alive on his own. So the moment we woke up in the afternoon, I told that he needed to go home. It is better for us to be apart, for him to have his own life and for mine to come back. We have to live apart with our own lives. Again, those brown, sad, little eyes started to weep tears of sadness.
It was very difficult for me to send him home. He just have to, we just have to... Part ways. He as all I ever wanted, he accepted me as me and whatever I have. I can be who I truly am, bare naked in front of his eyes. He makes me laugh at times, but he just needed to have a life of his own. He packed his things and he walked towards the door with me.
We were in the cab, quietly sitting. I was on my way to work as he is headed back to his family's home. He tightly held my hand as he whispered "I love you", I looked away to the window. I can't dare to say those words. I wanted everything to end. A few minutes passed, I got off at the corner of EDSA and Quezon avenue. I walked to the train station not looking at the sad face behind me, inside the cab.
A day passed by and he never fails to text reminders of what to do, that I must eat this and that, etc. I barely responded to any of his messages. Two days went by, I saw him in front of our office building, waiting for me. He said he misses me and he has realized some things. He said he started to dream, of me, of us, and of the future. I smiled, and I thought it's a good start for him to be dreaming again. He also said that he learned his lessons and will not be nosy anymore. I don't hide things from him, I just don't want to daily submit reports of my daily conversations of me and the rest of the world. He said he will value privacy now and will start dreaming and stat to have a new life... with me.
I smiled and welcomed him back with open arms. Up to this day he has not meddled with my emails, Facebook and cellphones yet, not that I know of. Anyway, he did start to dream. He is now making efforts and searching to what can be a road to what can make his dreams come true. He may not dream of his own happiness, but he is dreaming and I am here to help him make those dreams a reality.
At least now he is starting to look at the same direction as I am. I am holding on and I am happier.
It has been a while since me and P are together. It was fast, very fast, and there has been nasty things that I don't like about him. Let's just say he became so possessive and I feel like I was under surveillance at all times. I was not comfortable and why such a need to inspect all the messages in my cellphone and question all conversations that happened? He check my e-mails and my Facebook stuff. It was not nice.
We had an argument, because all that I could say was "enough". The inspections are enough, the questions are enough, I had enough of all the mistrust, questions and all the drama here and there. I cannot take it anymore. I want my privacy back, I don't want anyone meddling with my conversations with my friends or my email correspondents. The big deal here is, my privacy. It doesn't mean that when we are in a relationship, we or them has all the right to just inspect all of the stuff in our conversations. We still need to value individual privacy even if we are in a relationship.
I felt I lost my identity, I needed myself back. I almost broke up with him. But I saw the saddest brown eyes... I held back my words. I just told him he needed to go home, we went to sleep.
P, already stopped dreaming, all he wanted was to have a stable relationship and wait for the day he dies. That's all. It's not that I want him to be like me. But I want someone who has the same level of passion in life that I have. I am a sun and he is just a mere breath of light, I would have swallowed him into nothingness with my emanating heat. He is already close to lifeless, he needed someone to be with just for him to be alive. I wanted him to be alive on his own. So the moment we woke up in the afternoon, I told that he needed to go home. It is better for us to be apart, for him to have his own life and for mine to come back. We have to live apart with our own lives. Again, those brown, sad, little eyes started to weep tears of sadness.
It was very difficult for me to send him home. He just have to, we just have to... Part ways. He as all I ever wanted, he accepted me as me and whatever I have. I can be who I truly am, bare naked in front of his eyes. He makes me laugh at times, but he just needed to have a life of his own. He packed his things and he walked towards the door with me.
We were in the cab, quietly sitting. I was on my way to work as he is headed back to his family's home. He tightly held my hand as he whispered "I love you", I looked away to the window. I can't dare to say those words. I wanted everything to end. A few minutes passed, I got off at the corner of EDSA and Quezon avenue. I walked to the train station not looking at the sad face behind me, inside the cab.
A day passed by and he never fails to text reminders of what to do, that I must eat this and that, etc. I barely responded to any of his messages. Two days went by, I saw him in front of our office building, waiting for me. He said he misses me and he has realized some things. He said he started to dream, of me, of us, and of the future. I smiled, and I thought it's a good start for him to be dreaming again. He also said that he learned his lessons and will not be nosy anymore. I don't hide things from him, I just don't want to daily submit reports of my daily conversations of me and the rest of the world. He said he will value privacy now and will start dreaming and stat to have a new life... with me.
I smiled and welcomed him back with open arms. Up to this day he has not meddled with my emails, Facebook and cellphones yet, not that I know of. Anyway, he did start to dream. He is now making efforts and searching to what can be a road to what can make his dreams come true. He may not dream of his own happiness, but he is dreaming and I am here to help him make those dreams a reality.
At least now he is starting to look at the same direction as I am. I am holding on and I am happier.
Friday, June 11, 2010
It's been a long time, back to blogging
It's been a long time since I have written something for my blog. I have been busy writing poetries and recuperating from the stress of going to the clinics for my lab tests and going to San Lazaro. I will go there anytime this month, of course on a Thursday. I am now arranging my finances to save for two things, for my future medical expenses and for my Bucket List, which includes traveling to the far provinces and abroad, purchasing a guitar and learning how to play it, and getting new tattoos.. All of which involves a hefty amount of cash.
A lot have happened during the last week of May to the first week of June, which I am going to blog about in the next few minutes, hours and days. I have written a lot of poetries lately, too bad I have deleted some in my PR (Planetromeo) account as well as in my cellphone's outbox, I rarely keep poetries I write for someone. It's like letters, we never or we rarely keep copies of letters we give, right? Same as poetries for me.
I have discovered new bands and one is a hardcore Christian band named Flyleaf. I have new textmates, I have new friends (although I haven't met some of them, yet), I have new perspectives.
I need to get back on track at work and for the organization which I am a president. I have forsaken them so much this past few months because of my severe depression. I need to get back on track on that.
So far, I am happy with my new perspectives. I am happier and living more now. I don't know when this feeling will last, but my appetite for dreaming and my desire to fulfill them, feeds my happiness and passion to be alive. There's less room for anger, less room sadness, now, there's less room for darkness.
A lot have happened during the last week of May to the first week of June, which I am going to blog about in the next few minutes, hours and days. I have written a lot of poetries lately, too bad I have deleted some in my PR (Planetromeo) account as well as in my cellphone's outbox, I rarely keep poetries I write for someone. It's like letters, we never or we rarely keep copies of letters we give, right? Same as poetries for me.
I have discovered new bands and one is a hardcore Christian band named Flyleaf. I have new textmates, I have new friends (although I haven't met some of them, yet), I have new perspectives.
I need to get back on track at work and for the organization which I am a president. I have forsaken them so much this past few months because of my severe depression. I need to get back on track on that.
So far, I am happy with my new perspectives. I am happier and living more now. I don't know when this feeling will last, but my appetite for dreaming and my desire to fulfill them, feeds my happiness and passion to be alive. There's less room for anger, less room sadness, now, there's less room for darkness.
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