Saturday, July 24, 2010

The second chance

It was a wet morning when I arrived at my flat. My boyfriend laying in bed, I walked near the work desk and I took my clothes off. The flat was dark, as I wanted it to be, I walked naked to my lover in bed. I kissed his cheeks softly... He suddenly woke up and gave me a smile. He then reached for my cellphone that was in my right hand and started to check the messages and calls. That is one thing that really annoyed me.

It has been a while since me and P are together. It was fast, very fast, and there has been nasty things that I don't like about him. Let's just say he became so possessive and I feel like I was under surveillance at all times. I was not comfortable and why such a need to inspect all the messages in my cellphone and question all conversations that happened? He check my e-mails and my Facebook stuff. It was not nice.

We had an argument, because all that I could say was "enough". The inspections are enough, the questions are enough, I had enough of all the mistrust, questions and all the drama here and there. I cannot take it anymore. I want my privacy back, I don't want anyone meddling with my conversations with my friends or my email correspondents. The big deal here is, my privacy. It doesn't mean that when we are in a relationship, we or them has all the right to just inspect all of the stuff in our conversations. We still need to value individual privacy even if we are in a relationship.

I felt I lost my identity, I needed myself back. I almost broke up with him. But I saw the saddest brown eyes... I held back my words. I just told him he needed to go home, we went to sleep.

P, already stopped dreaming, all he wanted was to have a stable relationship and wait for the day he dies. That's all. It's not that I want him to be like me. But I want someone who has the same level of passion in life that I have. I am a sun and he is just a mere breath of light, I would have swallowed him into nothingness with my emanating heat. He is already close to lifeless, he needed someone to be with just for him to be alive. I wanted him to be alive on his own. So the moment we woke up in the afternoon, I told that he needed to go home. It is better for us to be apart, for him to have his own life and for mine to come back. We have to live apart with our own lives. Again, those brown, sad, little eyes started to weep tears of sadness.

It was very difficult for me to send him home. He just have to, we just have to... Part ways. He as all I ever wanted, he accepted me as me and whatever I have. I can be who I truly am, bare naked in front of his eyes. He makes me laugh at times, but he just needed to have a life of his own. He packed his things and he walked towards the door with me.

We were in the cab, quietly sitting. I was on my way to work as he is headed back to his family's home. He tightly held my hand as he whispered "I love you", I looked away to the window. I can't dare to say those words. I wanted everything to end. A few minutes passed, I got off at the corner of EDSA and Quezon avenue. I walked to the train station not looking at the sad face behind me, inside the cab.

A day passed by and he never fails to text reminders of what to do, that I must eat this and that, etc. I barely responded to any of his messages. Two days went by, I saw him in front of our office building, waiting for me. He said he misses me and he has realized some things. He said he started to dream, of me, of us, and of the future. I smiled, and I thought it's a good start for him to be dreaming again. He also said that he learned his lessons and will not be nosy anymore. I don't hide things from him, I just don't want to daily submit reports of my daily conversations of me and the rest of the world. He said he will value privacy now and will start dreaming and stat to have a new life... with me.

I smiled and welcomed him back with open arms. Up to this day he has not meddled with my emails, Facebook and cellphones yet, not that I know of. Anyway, he did start to dream. He is now making efforts and searching to what can be a road to what can make his dreams come true. He may not dream of his own happiness, but he is dreaming and I am here to help him make those dreams a reality.

At least now he is starting to look at the same direction as I am. I am holding on and I am happier.


  1. Kung ano man ang nangyari sa inyo, ganyan din ang akin, i hope nauunawaan mo ko. i always appreciate your comments. ang pagkakaiba natin wala na kaming second chance.. un lang ung masakit sa'kin ngayon canonista. maswerte ka..
    take care.


  2. is not a question of how much love there is.. too bad our culture are immerse too much in romantic love.

    sabi ng mga expert, yung respect natin sa mga tao is base sa perception natin kung gaano sila ka-self-reliant/independent at secure. i guess it is true.

    im happy that your partner is on his way to a more mutual path for both of you.

    (dahil namention mo ang sun...nakarating ka na ba ng Boracay, i bet you were, if you noticed, somewhere on the shore, there were two coconut tree na intertwine ang kanilang mga ugat pero they grow apart. they cherish the same earth, pero separately and differently enjoy the sun, the sky and the breeze..)

  3. wow.. same exact scenario. i envy you of having a mature partner. ipakita mo tong post na to kay Ma. We don't talk anymore.
    good for you. I felt the effort from him as what you told from the above post.

    haist. the other way around for me.

  4. namumutawi ang pag papala sa taong nagpapatawad . sa lahat ng bagay o pagtatalo o pagaaway mas magandang makinig muna bago mag bigay ng karampatang desisyon . hindi naten alam kung maymabigat na dahilan yung tao. timbangin naten ang lahat ng mga bagay baka minsan sa sarili naten ay nakalimutan nateng lumingon baka sa bakuran naten ang may konting problema. dahil sa ginawa mo lahat ng tao may karapatang magbago at sa puso mo dapat pagmamahal ang mamayani.

    saludo ako sau

  5. most of the time, people wait to get what they want at the moment before knowing what to do next, as if time freezes in absence of the warmth and joy that what you really wanted so badly is yours already.

  6. @Jesse: Salamat
    @Jace: Thank you
    @Davidrockers: I agree, love must not all be romance and such, that is just the skin, what lies underneath is as you said... Respect, then comes trust, and fidelity. Yes I have been to Boracay, but I did not notice those two trees with intertwined roots, growing apart. Which part or which station are they at? Tell me, so when I get back to Boracay, I'll take a photograph of those trees and dedicate it to you.

  7. @Chemistryguy: I will. :-)
    @Redman: Tama ka sa sinabi mo, pinagpapala ang nagpapatawad, pero hindi ito madaling gawin. Mahirap magpatawad ng tunay. Dahil kasama nito ang buong kaluluwa ng tao, hindi lang puso at hinagpis nito.
    @Alterjon: Sometimes, we just need to look at what is already presented to us, rather than looking far away. we tend to want more, but as you said, and I agree, most of time... We don't get what we want, but we always get what we need... and what we need is what we always wanted in the end.

  8. hey canonista, ngayon ko na lang uli navisit tong blog mo. now i understand why i got weird replies from you when i texted you a few weeks back. hehe! but it's good that all is well now. musta ka na? let's catch up soon. ingat ka lagi, always praying for you :) - tristan