Wednesday, April 20, 2011

1st Blogsarry

It has been exactly a year since I started the Bohemian Diary, it has been a year since I was officially diagnosed as someone living with HIV.  I started this blog with one goal in mind, to reach out to others living with the virus and to share my experiences as someone with it. I managed to reach out and connect myself with people living with the virus, from abroad and of course, locals. I've interacted and corresponded with a number of people. From the newly diagnosed, and those living with it for years, and to people with a more drastic CD4 count than mine. I've met a few, connections established and friendships started.

Day 1... Usually it takes about 1 week for the initial screening results to come out. When I was not able to get it within the first week, I knew I have it. So when the day finally came that I will get the document from San Lazaro's SACCL clinic, I was so damn prepared. All that courage and strength went away when I thought that everything I have is going to be gone in just a few years. That I will not live long enough to fulfill my dreams, that I will die soon even before I will be able to forgive my mom or myself for hating her and my brother; or not living long enough to learn how to play the guitar, ride a bike, go to Japan, learn to swim, become a famous writer, become a well known and respected photographer, and to know my dad more. I was scared that I will stop dreaming and will just wait for my turn to die. All of those thoughts went crashing down in me, and that was the time it all fell down. I broke down in tears on the Photographer's shoulders that day, it was Tuesday. On that day I decided I will write, start a blog, and perhaps be able to reach out to the world and show them how is it to live with the virus. It was never easy during the first day, first week, and first month. A lot of sleepless and emotional nights went by.

Evolution... The blog transformed from an HIV blog into a some sort of music and photography blog with bits of poetry and stories in between... Evidence of me being able to move on from that sick kid to the kid, living his life. As I grew with the virus, I learned to accept it. Everybody will eventually die, it is how we face and prepare for it. I am not ready to face it, yet, not anytime soon. So I decided that I will live and I chose freedom. Freedom from all the pain of senseless, emotional and fucked up melancholic episodes and walk forward to what I want to be and achieving my dreams. I've always wanted to blog and writing has always been my frustration. So here I am, still writing about my life and the thoughts I want to share. Living my life as I want it to be, and continuously dreaming and sharing them. Sharing the dramas and all the pains, the melancholy and all the happiness, the challenges and achievements, and all sorts of things along the way.

If someone would ask me, how is it to live with HIV? I would say... "It's almost the same as if I never knew, but only this time I appreciate life more than ever before."

If someone would ask me, what will be your message to all the depressed people living with HIV out there? I would say... "Being sad is such a waste of time, stand up from the shadows of melancholy and walk forward to happiness. It is only a matter of choice. Life is so beautiful to waste on such a non-productive state. Never stop dreaming and get them one by one!"

If someone would ask me, what would be your message to the world? ..."Live life, be alive."

To all the people I've met and known through this blog, may our friendship continue to grow as we move on and live. To all the readers and followers of the Bohemian Diary, thank you from the deepest depths of my heart. Thank you for all the kind words, comments, violent reactions, emails, and encouragements in all forms, I appreciate every one of them.

This is the window to my universe, unfolding itself to the eyes of the world.


  1. "Live life, be alive."

    i love it kuya! Happy anniversary to your Bohemian diary. :)

  2. i'm in great awe reading this. i personally haven't met anyone diagnosed with HIV nor AIDS. i also wanna thank you for sharing your world to me, an insignificant reader. with your blog, i've gained a new insight on life. and as a nurse, i promise you that i'll be supporting you all the way, after all that's what i do. :)

  3. It's a wonderful outlook to have and really, medicine has actually improved when you think about it from the dark days of the 1980s when HIV was an automatic death sentence. Now you can conceivably live till old age like everyone else with the right treatment and so on. Of course you need to be cautious and take care and I'm sure you still have moments of terror, but these days anything is possible! Of course you know more than me, but I think someone with your outlook and positivity and smarts will do just fine. I wish you all the best.

  4. cheers to your blogsary Kanon, thank you for always sharing your thoughts. good luck.

  5. I remember finding you in Planet Romeo a year before. Your presence gave me a reason to leave that place and abandon it for good. Who would have thought that in a span of 1 year, your blog would actually become a celebration of life instead of the other way around.

    Continue writing and sharing your stories. As I've said to E before he settled peacefully beyond these shores, your life is not about CD4 count all the time.

    Happy Anniversary to the Bohemian Diary!

  6. Happy 1st Blogsary My Friend!! Keep Blogging!

  7. You've shared quite a lot, kuya, and your stories, your photos, your music - all of your entries, have touched us, your readers in a way or another. I do admire how you see the beauty of the world, as is most obviously evident in, but not limited to your photos. Happy New Year to you!

    Stay safe and healthy.



    I sent you an email! :) I hope to hear from you soon.

  8. Happy anniversary, dude. Thanks for the stories and the pictures. You > HIV. Remember that.

  9. @NImmy: Thank you! May our blogs continue to thrive in many years.

    @린코: You, my dear reader, is as significant as everyone else. Everyone and everything is interconnected, thus, making each of us a profound part of the universe. Everyone and everything is significant, from the brightest stars in the galaxies far away to the speck of dust on the keyboard of your computer.

    @The Vegetable Assassin: Thank you for the greeting! True, despite of the medical advances, a person with HIV like me must always be careful about one's health. After all, medicines can only do so much, it is how we treat ourselves that is a huge factor.

    @Alter: Thank you!

    @Mugen: Yes, I can still vividly remember all those days. We were quite surprised the two of us are bloggers, not to mention discovering each other's blogs. Oh I was a baby blogger back then.

    Life is one thing we can do a lot with, but living is another thing. Yes, life is not all about our CD4 count, it is about how we live it. Happy Anniversary!

    @Soltero: I will, I will. Thank you, friend! How have you been?

    @Kaloy: Thank you so much! Sharing an insight to my world and how I see it is one vision of mine.

    @Papa Jay: Thank you, I will.

  10. Congratulations!!
    HIV is just a part of your story. There's more interesting narratives that we would be more than glad to hear.
    Thank you and cheers to more years of storytelling.

  11. wow.. pare... Thank you... from the bottom of my blog... I wanna sa SAY thank you... I often reading your blog.. and indeed.. it's really nice.. although I rarely gives comment.. but I always read you post... but I really dont have any ideas that you are an HIV positive...

    not until now.. and I wanna say thank you.. for being brave to share your story to us.. it really helps a lot... dalawa na kayo ang nagpahanga sa akin... yung isa naman may kapansanan...

    anyway... congrats and happy blogsarry...

    nga pala.. tama ang sinabi ni Désolé Boy "HIV is just a part of your story" there is.. mumuch more to tell about you...

    thanks at napanganga ako sa katapangan mo...

    saludo ako sa mga katulad niyong matapang na hinaharap ang problema...

    yun kasi ang wala ako...

  12. Congratumalations! :-) Carry on carrying on!

  13. Congratulations on your first year, canonista!

    It takes daring and courage to do what you do -- kaya saludo ako sayo. and to everyone else who has to go through this ordeal.

    tama sila, my friend, there's more to life that CD4 counts, so let's celebrate life, because in the end, we all deserve to be happy.

    cheers! :)

  14. "Being sad is such a waste of time,.."

    tama. hinde tayu nabuhay para sumimangot. Happy anniversary sayu!!! ikaw ang una kong nakilala (at least in your writings) na na-diagnose ng ganito.

    my only wish is for you to continue being a well source of positivity and inspiration for other people :) Bless you.

  15. @Hard2getxxx: Thank you!

    @DB: Thank you! More years of storytelling to us!

    @Musingan: Maraming Salamat! Totoo, HIV is just part of my story, I am not ashamed nor proud of it, but it is a story worth sharing. Ang problema, anu mang uri nito, ay kaialngan harapin, dahil kung hindi, kakainin tayo nito ng buhay. Mabuhay!

    @Pinoypoz: Carrying on!

    @Claudiopogi: Cheers to life!

    @Nowitzki: Thank you so much, Nowitzki!

  16. Wala akong HIV, pero natulungan mo ako nang malaki. Maraming salamat Canonista.

    Happy anniversary to your blog. And here's to more years of you helping and inspiring other people, pozzie or not. =)

  17. You are definitely bigger than your 'predicament' Canonista. Happy Blogsarry! May you continue to inspire more people who reads you. =)