Thursday, September 1, 2011

Broken Wings

It's another Thursday for my check-up in the H4 Ward. Today, I was with Fred, an ex of mine who is also infected. Both of us arrived early knowing that it could be pretty crowded every Thursdays, however, despite of us being very early, we end up being the 13th and the 14th in the line. The morning was usual, after lining up, we went to the nearest fastfood and had breakfast then went back. Fred wasn't feeling well when we got there, his tummy has been in pain since he woke up and the medicines he had with him almost didn't help. After a few hours, my code and alias was finally called, it was my turn. The doctor checked my list of vital signs for the day which was all normal and asked a few questions regarding how I am adjusting with my new medicine. I said I am still experiencing fatigue and dizziness most of the time, but each time is becoming more tolerable. The doctor gave me a list of blood chem to do, so I'll be back there again. I forgot to check on how much medicines I have left, tsk. Better be back next Thursday to get my supply.

It was Fred's turn after me, same doctor. He was there for a check-up and to find out his CD4 result, and of course, to have his tummy checked. Patients are already pouring in the doctor's office and Fred's check-up was taking a while so I decided to go out.

I bumped into the Female OFW that I blogged about two entries ago; she lost her baby during birth. I asked how is she, she's still in shock, but staying strong. She said that she was discharged just in time to be at home for her eldest's 8th birthday. She can walk normally now, and she looks stronger. She may have lost her baby, but she regained her life back, somehow. I left her for a while to check who are still in the ward and came back to her with questions. What happened to Topher (Wiggly 3) and Sonny (Wiggly 1). She said that Topher's mom wanted his son to be transferred to a different hospital because Topher's condition is not getting any better and is having a hard time sleeping at night. Sonny was transferred to RITM for some reason, he developed several infections. The last time I saw Sonny, he was almost just skin and bones; that time the father said to me that he wouldn't want to eat anymore and is getting weaker and weaker.

I may not know Sonny personally nor I was close to his family and I never have spoken to him. He was the first one who was at the bed at my right when I was confined. For a few days I saw how he struggled, I saw how he cried in pain, I saw how he endured every high fever attacks he had every single night. I saw how sad he was, I saw pain through his eyes in the rare moments our eyes would cross. I saw how his father would wipe and clean up his frail body everyday and how his mom would embrace him when he is having chills at night. I saw how he fought and how his parents stood by him, yet he lost the battle. Sonny died after a few days of being transferred to RITM. It's very heart breaking for me to know that he had moved on, he was only in his early twenties, and I just saw him alive 2 weeks ago.

Fred sent me a text message while I was waiting at the Ward's lobby... He said that his CD4 count is now at 97. I was shocked by the news. I was so in shock that I didn't know what to reply. The gloomy day just became gloomier and gloomier. It's a fact that anyone with a CD4 count of below 200 with one or several opportunistic infections will be diagnosed as someone with an HIV Clinical Stage 4, or someone with AIDS. I am so sad with the news, I almost couldn't bare all the heart breaking stories I found out this morning. Fred's tummy is still under observation and he has a long list of lab work to be done, and some medicines to relieve the pain.

Now that someone very close and dear to me is going to a battle of his own. I want to be there for him.

Fred, you will never be alone in your battle. I will always be here for you, we will fight this dreaded condition together, and we will not only survive, but we will live. So hold on, and we will move forward and fight.

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  1. hindi ako dapat umiyak pipigilan ko hehehe.

    i will always be supporting you kahit malayo ako...

    just keep on blogging...sulat ka lang ng sulat,makakatulong to sa yo. '

    at sana maging ok na din si fred :-)

  2. Keep the spirit up! May you always have the strength and courage you need. God bless always.

  3. I shall include both of you in my prayers.

    And can I just say that I am always looking forward to your entries? Parang kahit I don't know you personally,nakakaconnect ako just by reading your entries.

  4. "Fred, you will never be alone in your battle. I will always be here for you, we will fight this dreaded condition together, and we will not only survive, but we will live. So hold on, and we will move forward and fight."


    Ang kailangan mo ngayon ay TAPANG hindi awa sa sarili. Magtatagal ka pa ng more than 20 years, maging matapang ka lang.

  5. Canonista: Remember you are not alone in this battle. I will be praying for you and Fred. We are all in this together.

    Just keep the faith and be strong.

  6. Everytime I visit your blog, I can't help but cry - not out of pity but out of being helpless. I salute you for being strong and my prayers go to you and Fred. Please update us when you have time.
    This is an eye opener for me and I thank you for the articles here.

  7. Stay strong man...

  8. Reading this entry is just painful and heartbreaking..

    We may not know each other but i'm with you on your journey, every step of your way... Just keep your faith high and be strong...

    And when it seems everything else is failing just talk to God, he'll chase your fears away..

  9. I may not know you but i'm with you on your journey, every step of your way...
    Just keep up a strong faith and when you think that everything else is failing just look up to him and he will chase your fears away..
    My prayers belongs to you, fred, us who are hiv +...

  10. Canonista, I have for one have been reading each and every heart-felt entry of yours, even to the point of getting worried after your post on your hospitalization.

    They say having one isn't the end-all and be-all of life but who am I to know? So I will keep my opinions aside and will be here to support in every way.

    For faith not only brings the best of us but to others too...

    For You, Fred, and to everyone who deserves to have the best in life. :)

  11. I pray for you and your friend to have the strength and health to go through your struggles.

  12. I admire your resilience and courage. Take care, you and your friend. Stay strong.