I Am Still Alive

It's been three years since I posted something in this blog. I admit, I missed blogging, I tried several times to change the genre of my documented literature to something else, like poetry, photography, or anything away from what triggered to start this blog. Although I'm still very much active in Twitter, it's different when you have a regular audience you cater to, and somehow help other PLHIVs either long-term survivors or the newly diagnosed. Something triggered me to check out the emails I get from this blog, then I logged in to Blogger to check how my sleeping blog is doing. I still got a few thousand hits last month, and I still get emails from readers both old and new, I even got a comment saying that I am already dead as the blog has not been updated for the longest time. So here I am, typing on my laptop, showing the world that I am still alive. 

It has been three years, yes, it has been that long. I thought, there has been a new breed of PLHIV bloggers sprouting in the internet along with the fast rising number of HIV cases in the Philippines. I thought that my hiatus would be prolonged as my wisdom and experience with this illness (or condition) would no longer be needed because I am sure that the new PLHIV bloggers' knowledge would suffice the need. As I witnessed in Twitter, there is still a need to guide the newly diagnosed, there is still a need to share experiences, there is still a need to share what I can. To help give light to stay alive and be alive with HIV/AIDS.

My weight has been on a constant high with little up and downs in-between; but my determination to finally get rid of the bulge is never hampered. I need to lose some weight, because I may not die of HIV or AIDS complications, I may die of a heart disease or any sort of cardiovascular related illnesses. At the moment I am slowly shifting to becoming a weekday pescatarian. I cook my own meals for almost the entire week, I am on a sugarless diet (most of the time), so I don't put sugar on my coffee, in fact, I like it black. I brew my own coffee most of the time using a French Press and I only use locally grown Arabica beans. My CD4 count for three years (running) has been constant above 1000. My last CD4 count this past March was 1,196, and my Viral Load is zero. I am no longer in San Lazaro Hospital's care, I am under the care of a private hospital which I will withhold the information for privacy purposes. I am still taking the same ARV combo of Zidovudine/Lamivudine and Efavirenz. The Efavirenz side-effects are still being felt, but I am well adapted to them now. However, the much awaited "high-definition" dreaming has not happened to me yet. 

I tried enrolling to a gym and tried swimming, the former was a failed attempt to be fit because of my excessive exhaustion from work, swimming is still being worked on. All in all, my goal these days is to be fitter and healthier and to eat better foods. Losing weight will follow as long as my food intake is better. I cannot give-up on fat as the ARV needs them, besides, I don't want to look dry. 

So there, in a nutshell, I'm still alive and my immune system's health is pretty much intact and already back to normal with zero viral load. I believe, that's all thanks to healthy eating and keeping a healthy perspective in life. Furthermore, a stable and healthy emotional and mental state plays a key role in keeping my immune system strong, aside of course to the much needed ARVs.

Have (lack of) Knowledge

I have been visiting the "School For The Gifted" these past few days and for the next few weeks. It's the time of the year, I have to visit the school every 6 months for health checks. One Thursday, there I was, sitting in one corner listening to some songs stored in my phone. I watched people as they come and line up for their check up. I saw familiar faces, but never did I talked to them. As the hours passed by, individuals merged into groups. There was this one big group, a seemingly noisy and happy group, chatting in one side outside the ward. The group composed of different ages and gay genres. They asked me some questions and I eventually gave in, so I talked and joined their noisy group. They thought I was an OFW and I contracted the virus outside the country. I said no, "local po yung virus hindi imported", I uttered. After a few moments, I was hungry and my name is far from getting called, so my turn is probably not in the next hour. I said I am going to eat and few of them said they were hungry too so they wanted to join me. So we went to the hospital's pantry. While we were eating, it was my turn to ask them questions, I asked for their "student numbers", that way I will be able to tell what year they were enrolled. One was my "batchmate", the others were just enrolled this year. Then they discussed among themselves how they were infected. I was shocked to hear when they said that it took a a week or two from their last sex that they decided to get tested and there they are. So they thought they got it from "that" last men they were with just weeks ago. What they know all along is that the virus can be detected within the first few weeks. One of them jokingly said that during January, the enrollment rises because a lot of gay men flock to Puerto Galera and Boracay during December, then it rises once again during summer because gay men are all fucking around in beaches. He was trying to point out that after a month of the fucking-peak-season, cases go up. I asked to confirm if what I heard was right. He said yes, I was shocked. I asked how is that possible? He said, because after going on vacation and sleeping with a number of men, most gays tend to be scared and flock the hospital after vacation. I said, that the virus is undetectable after the first day of infection up to 3 to 6 months. That's why the HIV/AIDS test must be done after every 6 months, because there's no point in getting tested if there are not enough virus to be seen in tests or if the window period is not long enough for the virus to multiply and be detected.

I just couldn't believe my ears from what I heard. Coming from them who belong to a group that's supposed to educate People Living with HIV, such misunderstood facts about the virus. I thought all along that people like me are suppose to know a hefty amount of correct facts about our condition and the virus that causes it. I was wrong.

I am not going to join that particular group in their little gathering and chit-chat again. After all, you are who you are with. I know I could have done something to straighten up the facts that they know about our condition, but being the closet hermit that I am, I chose to back off. I have an alter ego anyway, who is very much alive online. Canonista will continue to proliferate correct data and facts about HIV/AIDS and educate those who are in need of such, who is practically everyone; and will continue this mini advocacy through the Bohemian Diary.

I am not saying I know a lot, but what I share to the world through this blog is out of research and facts not hearsay and just from small talks. Which makes me think to create an HIV/AIDS FAQ page in this blog, and it just might be a good idea.


Terms:
School = Hospital
Student Number = Patient Number
Vitamins = ARV
Enrolled = Diagnosed
Dorm = Ward