Have (lack of) Knowledge

I have been visiting the "School For The Gifted" these past few days and for the next few weeks. It's the time of the year, I have to visit the school every 6 months for health checks. One Thursday, there I was, sitting in one corner listening to some songs stored in my phone. I watched people as they come and line up for their check up. I saw familiar faces, but never did I talked to them. As the hours passed by, individuals merged into groups. There was this one big group, a seemingly noisy and happy group, chatting in one side outside the ward. The group composed of different ages and gay genres. They asked me some questions and I eventually gave in, so I talked and joined their noisy group. They thought I was an OFW and I contracted the virus outside the country. I said no, "local po yung virus hindi imported", I uttered. After a few moments, I was hungry and my name is far from getting called, so my turn is probably not in the next hour. I said I am going to eat and few of them said they were hungry too so they wanted to join me. So we went to the hospital's pantry. While we were eating, it was my turn to ask them questions, I asked for their "student numbers", that way I will be able to tell what year they were enrolled. One was my "batchmate", the others were just enrolled this year. Then they discussed among themselves how they were infected. I was shocked to hear when they said that it took a a week or two from their last sex that they decided to get tested and there they are. So they thought they got it from "that" last men they were with just weeks ago. What they know all along is that the virus can be detected within the first few weeks. One of them jokingly said that during January, the enrollment rises because a lot of gay men flock to Puerto Galera and Boracay during December, then it rises once again during summer because gay men are all fucking around in beaches. He was trying to point out that after a month of the fucking-peak-season, cases go up. I asked to confirm if what I heard was right. He said yes, I was shocked. I asked how is that possible? He said, because after going on vacation and sleeping with a number of men, most gays tend to be scared and flock the hospital after vacation. I said, that the virus is undetectable after the first day of infection up to 3 to 6 months. That's why the HIV/AIDS test must be done after every 6 months, because there's no point in getting tested if there are not enough virus to be seen in tests or if the window period is not long enough for the virus to multiply and be detected.

I just couldn't believe my ears from what I heard. Coming from them who belong to a group that's supposed to educate People Living with HIV, such misunderstood facts about the virus. I thought all along that people like me are suppose to know a hefty amount of correct facts about our condition and the virus that causes it. I was wrong.

I am not going to join that particular group in their little gathering and chit-chat again. After all, you are who you are with. I know I could have done something to straighten up the facts that they know about our condition, but being the closet hermit that I am, I chose to back off. I have an alter ego anyway, who is very much alive online. Canonista will continue to proliferate correct data and facts about HIV/AIDS and educate those who are in need of such, who is practically everyone; and will continue this mini advocacy through the Bohemian Diary.

I am not saying I know a lot, but what I share to the world through this blog is out of research and facts not hearsay and just from small talks. Which makes me think to create an HIV/AIDS FAQ page in this blog, and it just might be a good idea.


Terms:
School = Hospital
Student Number = Patient Number
Vitamins = ARV
Enrolled = Diagnosed
Dorm = Ward

4:59 A.M. April 05, 2011 Tuesday

Yesterday, after reading several blogs, browsing photographs and reading stories about Humanitarian Photography. My passion to reach out and give back to society is further fueled. Even back when I was still in college, I have been wanting to somehow give back what I can to society. Back then, I would volunteer to teach for free to computer illiterate adults and teenagers in the towns surrounding our school. The most fulfilling moment at that time when this mother approached me and said how much she appreciates my time and effort in teaching parents like her, her kids wouldn't help her learn the basics on how to use a computer, but I did. I usually taught a class of 15 to 20 heads per session, I did this in between classes because I had a 2 hour gap from one subject to the next one. When my friends go to the mall and hangout, I chose to teach in whatever subject I can, that time was about computers because I was a Computer Science major. It was a small thing compared to what a lot of dedicated individuals do for their cause and advocacy, but it was a small step to touching the lives of others and helping the illiterate become skilled individuals, or simply, how to use a computer and to do productive things on it.

Now that I have something to use as a tool to reach out and show the world, my craft, photography... Will be the catalyst for reaching out. Reaching to those who are in need, to see their lives, to see their happiness in spite of their struggles. For me to let those who can help, help them lead better lives. By showing them the beauty and the brokenness of the hearts and lives of those in need. I am not visioning this endeavor to someday become famous or to profit from it, no. Simply because it has a personal impact on me. I witnessed and experienced poverty first hand. Now that I have something to give, I want to help those living in poverty, to be helped at, to be heard, to be seen, to dream, and to fulfill those dreams.

When I was diagnosed with HIV, and finally came out from a short stage of depression. I wanted to reach out to other newly diagnosed individuals, that this condition is not a death sentence, but a new lease on life. During my first few trips to San Lazaro hospital, I saw in their cramped rooms in the H4 ward, dark faces and fragile souls. I saw how heartbreaking the final stages of AIDS were. I saw people in beds so fragile and thin, it's like their soul was taken out from them. I cannot bare to look at them in the eye. As my visits to the hospital became regular, the sight of the sickly people became normal to me. I wanted to talk to them, I wanted to reach out. I want to hear their voices and their stories, the battles they fought through the stages of this condition. I know that someday I will be in one of those beds, so while I am this strong now, I want to hear the stories and share them to the rest of the world. For the uninfected to understand,  and see what we are going through, most of all, that many of my co-infected are living in poverty, that they have no access to medicines; because not all medicines for people living with HIV/AIDS are free. I want the world and  the people of our country to know that they need help, and we need prevention.

Storytelling through photography will be my medium for my vision.   

San Lazaro

My fever started on Wednesday, but it was a bit mild. Thursday, I couldn't almost get up, but I still went to work. Friday, I filed for a leave, as well as Saturday, Sunday and Mondays are my rest days. Then I went to San Lazaro today...

It has been a while since I have been to the hospital. I should have gone there last week during the first day of my fever, but because I really need to go to work I ended up going to San Lazaro Hospital earlier today. I thought that paracetamol tablets and medicines like Neozep, Sinutab, Bioflu, Biogesic, Tuseran, would still work on me, which I only discovered yesterday, they have no effect on me at all.

I don't have fever anymore since this morning, which is good. However, my cough got worse, and I still cannot breathe through my nose. My chest pains are more painful because of the pressure my lungs have to exert to expel the phlegm. My throat is already irritated, dry, and a bit painful because of all the coughing. All my doctor prescribed was a drug named Ciprobay or its generic name, Ciprofloxacin. The medicines are free by the way, plus they gave me a whole month's supply of vitamin C. She said that if my condition doesn't improve in the next few days, I have to go back to San Lazaro and have a follow-up checkup. Checkup or not, I have to go back to the hospital because my boss wants me to submit a fit to work order before I can go back to work. Checking my work emails, I saw that she already put me on sick leave for the entire week, which is just right because I am on medication for 7 days.

I think I am becoming partially deaf because of all the medicines that I have taken. I cannot hear nor comprehend anyone's verbal communication right away and I cannot taste anything, at all.

Anyway, I haven't been smoking since last week, I do hope that I can continue not to, moving forward. I really have to be extra careful with my health, now that ordinary medicines doesn't do any good on me anymore. Plus it is already becoming such a pain and a burden everytime I get sick with even just a simple cold.