Dizzy down the boy (Efavirenz side-effects)

What does it feel to have the usual Efavirenz side-effect? I mean, this is nightly, as in every single night of forever as long as I am taking this drug. The side-affects are usually felt two hours after I drank the pill and is best to just sleep it off.

As of this writing, my face feels a bit numb just like when one drank too much alcohol. My fingers are feeling a bit more sensitive, there's some sort of an unexplainable sensation there too. Dizzy, that certain dizziness when you have drank a couple of glasses of wine or a few bottles of beer. It's mild, you can still control yourself but you know you are dizzy. I feel giddy, and I get annoyed very easily. I sometimes slur when I talk at this time of day. This is also the time that I don't like to be in tight spaces. There are days that I just want to strip off all of my clothes even in the middle of somewhere, because I feel hot, and I feel like my insides are going to burst.

That's all. I just want to share.

NOTE: Above are the usual side-effects; lately I have been experiencing insomnia on some nights, as well as depression. I am yet to experience hallucinations and those very famous vivid dreams. 

An open letter to the newly diagnosed with HIV

NOTE: A few days ago I received a letter from a person who was newly diagnosed with HIV. For some reason I was not able to reply to his message right away, when I had the chance to do so, the email I sent bounced back, with an error message saying that the email address doesn't exist anymore. This open letter is for you. Also, may the contents of this open letter be a guide to all the people who are newly diagnosed with having HIV.



Hi <letter sender>,

Thank you for sending me an email, and thank you for reading my blog as well.

I'm sorry to hear that you have just become one of one us. I guess I can say, welcome to the community too! How have you been during the first few days?

When I got the confirmatory letter from San Lazaro, I wept and broke down in tears, everyone does, it is a very common reaction amongst the newly diagnosed. Some do not cry at all, but they eventually do, once everything has sunken in. Unless of course they are one of the rare few who wanted to acquire the virus or the syndrome. It is okay to cry, it is okay to be depressed, you have every right to be so. In the light of it all, it is a beginning of the end of your old self. You are now a new person and you go back to knowing what you are; you have to, there's a new life ahead. Now you will be more focused on maintaining or improving your health and well being above anything else.

Reaction will vary from violent, to deep sadness, but do not be angry at yourself nor to other people, do not blame God, never blame anyone else. Whatever we may have done to ourselves, it is partly or really our fault, so we just need to move forward while looking back. What you have just acquired is a gift, a knowledge that only you can use or dispose of. A gift of power to extend your own fragile life, so use it well. Many people do not know what will kill them, at least us, we know we have a killer inside us and we can either let it take over, or live with it. With this virus inside us, we now know at least a few things that can kill us for sure, those are: the virus and the syndrome it causes (AIDS) and the lethal side effects of the medicines (ARVs); knowledge of those give us power to take more control of our lives or perhaps to prepare. I chose to live with the virus, and accept the thorns it brings along.

A lot of people will be cheering you up, and saying good and kind words to you, I will leave it to them to do that work. As for me, I'll be telling you the real facts, that there will be a long road ahead, and it will not be easy. The time consuming lab tests, lifestyle change, the battle of acceptance within yourself and to other people if ever you choose to tell others; and the battle to slow down the CD4 regression. However, the war only begins once you start taking ARVs. I will not further elaborate on that unless you request me to do so.

You will be encountering so many messages of positivity amidst being positive, it is okay to be positive at most times, but also, in my own point of view, it is okay to cry because it is what make us human. Crying helps relieve the pain anyway, so go ahead and let it go, let it all out. You will feel better afterwards.

There will be many questions along the way, and many challenges ahead. There will be people to help you, but remember one thing; only you can save yourself.

I will be here, if ever you need someone to talk to.

Canonista

An Arrow of Words

I

We

Must

Not Play

With words

Because we bare

ourselves to what can

create

destroy

a love,
belief,

a life...

of one...

Whose 

hopes,

dreams,

depends

upon our

uttered

words.

Promises,

broken or

delivered.

Longings,

expectations.

It can pierce

like an arrow in

the thinnest air, flying

unknowingly hurting, it can

bleed another soul and leave scars.

Judge Me! (my cover of Time Will Reveal)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, butch and gaylets. Judge me, uploaded below is a product of one of my "I-want-to-do-this-right-now-or-I-may-not-do-it-again-ever" piece.

I am confident to upload this audio file of mine because only a few people here knows who I am, the real person behind this blog, so any humiliation will be minimal. Any feedback I will get from you guys, will be most appreciated, whether bad or good. Go ahead, judge my singing, please.

NOTE: The playback volume of the file may be louder, please adjust your computer's volume control as needed.

                                             

1262012

01262012

Don't get

too near 

The light

For it might consume all of you

You and your pure heart, to love

It may corrupt your being, too

Don't get

too near

The sun

It might

Burn the

innocence

out of you

New

Hugging my new pillows, for me to sleep drooling on

 Naked, I woke up to soft new sheets this afternoon

We dream on my bed, with smiles on our heads

As we tread each day, on and on, and on... 

Making new memories, with each...

and every pulsating heart beat.

In our heads, on my bed

We sleep, we play

We love

You &

I

3

I

Rush hour, traffic rush
I obliged on an impulse
Rush hour, time slows down

II

I met, we met. Us.
Dinner and gifts we gave to
Each other's eyes, look.

III

Time to cut the rope
That pulls us together, then.
Finality. Closed.

When the sun lights up the sky for a new morning.
It is the beginning of a new ending.