AIDS Candlelighting 2010 - A mother's testimony

...the continuation

After a song number from one of nurses of H4 Pavilion who sang a very groovy and high version of Miracles by Maria and Whitney (or is it just Whitney, sorry I am not a fan of both). A mother was called to gave her testimony...

A mother of an HIV patient. She bravely stood in the front holding a blue notepad with her speech. She's already teary eyed on what she was about to say. I felt at that moment that this is something going to be really heavy. She has a son, who was diagnosed with HIV at the age of 21, that was back in 2001. It all started with a fever for 4 months, she said. They went to different hospitals and so many doctors, and found nothing. She was already scared at that time that her son's liver will not be able to take all the paracetamols he had been taking. Her son consumed up to5 paracetamols a day. Fever did not subside, until her son got weaker and weaker after each passing day. One day her son went up to her and said how thin he was, she's already very worried about her son's condition, they grew hopeless. They even went to the albularyo for a consultation, all the albularyo said was that her kid has a kidney problem. Eventually her son cannot get up anymore, and his fingernails were already turning blue. She was desperate for a cure , for a diagnosis, she doesn't know what to do anymore and doctors still cannot find anything. She prayed hard for God to lead her to the right doctor who can give answers to her son's condition, until one day she found them... A cardiologist, one specializing in pulmonary care, and internal medicine. All three agreed and talked to her and her son, that they need to have him tested for HIV. All agreed. After a few weeks, results came in, she brought her already very sick son to FEU-NRMF (FEU Medical Hospital in Fairview). Her son can barely stand up on his own. They got the sealed document and they prayed together before they opened it. Her son has HIV. Her son was then referred to San Lazaro hospital for treatment.

She can't tell anyone about her son's condition, because she fears to be judged by many. She was scared that people will judge her as a bad mother because of what happened to her son. She went on leave for many months to care for her sick son. She said that it pains her to separate her son's utensils from the rest of the family, but she had to, her son already acquired Tuberculosis. t pains her to see her son that sick, that thin, who can't walk on his own. She showed strength for her son, because she too has her own cross to bare. She weeps at night knowing that her son is in such a fragile state. She weeps that she cannot tell anyone, it was so hard for her to keep it all for herself. She weeps because she doesn't want to lose her son.

The mother said that no matter how much pain her son was going through, it was twice what she felt. She said that mothers always feel twice the pain their children feels.

Her speech ended leaving everyone in tears, including me. I suddenly missed my dad who is until now in the mountains of Sierra Madre, teaching the native Dumagat how to farm and spreading the word of God. I imagined how painful it must be for my dad, knowing I have this disease. I am his only son, I'm gay, I'm sick. It must have been devastating for my dad. Despite of all that I became and came upon me, he never showed weakness in front of me, specially the day that I told him I have HIV. he never cried (he was teary eyed). Me and my dad had never been close like this... We both know we are still getting to know each other, after my mom hid me away from him for 8 years. I was reunited with my dad when I was 13 and ready for school (I skipped grades 1 to 6), together with the money she was asking my dad for my needs, but I know she used some of the money for her own needs as well. When I was in highschool, I barely see my dad. When I was in college we see each other perhaps every few months. Now, my dad goes to my condo as often as he can, he calls me up almost everyday checking on how my day was, how was work, and if I am eating right. He texts more frequently too. He sometimes drives to my place just to bring food he cooked.

AIDS Candlelighting 2010 - H4 Pavilion, San Lazaro Hospital

It was early in the morning, 8 AM. I was walking on a humid morning when I was nearing H4 Pavilion's entrance steps, I greeted one nurse in a bluish suit with a very warm smile, it was the first warm smile I ever showed anyone inH4. I then greeted one nurse who seems to already know me, I asked her where the mass will be. She said it will be in the doctor's lounge/office area. I then walked towards that area and everyone seemed to be very busy. Chairs were lined up and ready, it was comfortable, the temperature was. I scanned the people who were in there, NGOs, men and women in red shirts and the doctor's wearing the shirt for this year's Candlelighting. Patients were already starting to come in the small room and sit on the lined up plastic chairs. I can tell them that they were patients because of the obvious tags they were wearing. I found myself a seat. Two boys around my age sat beside me, the one next to me at my right was a patient, I am not sure if the guy next to him who escorted him to the seat was also a patient or if that guy was his lover. I looked around, there were a couple a soft spoken gay men in front of me, 4 of them, they seem to know each other very well. behind was a boy, I think he is in his early twenties or teenage years, or perhaps in his mid 20s, I am not just sure. My age determining skills weren't really useful if I am looking at someone whose skin is wrinkly and somewhat full of allergy like scars, he was so thin, sickly, and he looked very fragile. My heart broke when I saw him, he was with his mom. Avoiding myself from such sad emotions... I quickly gazed at the mass table in front. After a few minutes, the mass started. I was so quiet, I nodded and gave a small smile to anyone who looked at me. I did not even sang the church songs, I don't know any. I wasn't brought up in a way most people think.

After the mass, the program started. A doctor introduced herself, I forgot her name, she a a bit chubby with a round face and a friendly aura, then she called up the head doctor, whom I also forgot the name, she had a very strong look, overall. Short hair, strong facial features, in her mid 40s or perhaps late 40s. They both gave an introduction on what the program was all about. It was looking back, and remembering the people who died and fought and had a significant role in the fight for HIV/AIDS; for remembering those who gave us access the free ARVs and other necessary equipment we need for our medications.

A woman was called up, she's a mother of two. She has AIDS, she got it from her former husband who was a seaman. The husband knew he has AIDS when he needs to fulfill a requirement for a work abroad. He told his wife he has the virus when she was pregnant. The woman was of course, like many of us, devastated of the news. She got tested after she gave birth, she already has it. Eventually, the woman got sick, and was confined in the H4 Pavilion. That was years ago. The woman now looks very healthy, she said she always watches what she eats and she exerts efforts not to lose weight nor look sick, she said in a girlish manner that she has to be always pretty for everyone to see, then she wore a very big smile. Now she is a single mom, living a healthy life, her husband left for another woman. Now she takes ARVs and living great and taking care of her two kids, one is 3 year old, and the eldest is 10... Both HIV positive. She is still waiting for the right time when she will tell her kids what they are facing and will face.

...to be continued