I Am Still Alive

It's been three years since I posted something in this blog. I admit, I missed blogging, I tried several times to change the genre of my documented literature to something else, like poetry, photography, or anything away from what triggered to start this blog. Although I'm still very much active in Twitter, it's different when you have a regular audience you cater to, and somehow help other PLHIVs either long-term survivors or the newly diagnosed. Something triggered me to check out the emails I get from this blog, then I logged in to Blogger to check how my sleeping blog is doing. I still got a few thousand hits last month, and I still get emails from readers both old and new, I even got a comment saying that I am already dead as the blog has not been updated for the longest time. So here I am, typing on my laptop, showing the world that I am still alive. 

It has been three years, yes, it has been that long. I thought, there has been a new breed of PLHIV bloggers sprouting in the internet along with the fast rising number of HIV cases in the Philippines. I thought that my hiatus would be prolonged as my wisdom and experience with this illness (or condition) would no longer be needed because I am sure that the new PLHIV bloggers' knowledge would suffice the need. As I witnessed in Twitter, there is still a need to guide the newly diagnosed, there is still a need to share experiences, there is still a need to share what I can. To help give light to stay alive and be alive with HIV/AIDS.

My weight has been on a constant high with little up and downs in-between; but my determination to finally get rid of the bulge is never hampered. I need to lose some weight, because I may not die of HIV or AIDS complications, I may die of a heart disease or any sort of cardiovascular related illnesses. At the moment I am slowly shifting to becoming a weekday pescatarian. I cook my own meals for almost the entire week, I am on a sugarless diet (most of the time), so I don't put sugar on my coffee, in fact, I like it black. I brew my own coffee most of the time using a French Press and I only use locally grown Arabica beans. My CD4 count for three years (running) has been constant above 1000. My last CD4 count this past March was 1,196, and my Viral Load is zero. I am no longer in San Lazaro Hospital's care, I am under the care of a private hospital which I will withhold the information for privacy purposes. I am still taking the same ARV combo of Zidovudine/Lamivudine and Efavirenz. The Efavirenz side-effects are still being felt, but I am well adapted to them now. However, the much awaited "high-definition" dreaming has not happened to me yet. 

I tried enrolling to a gym and tried swimming, the former was a failed attempt to be fit because of my excessive exhaustion from work, swimming is still being worked on. All in all, my goal these days is to be fitter and healthier and to eat better foods. Losing weight will follow as long as my food intake is better. I cannot give-up on fat as the ARV needs them, besides, I don't want to look dry. 

So there, in a nutshell, I'm still alive and my immune system's health is pretty much intact and already back to normal with zero viral load. I believe, that's all thanks to healthy eating and keeping a healthy perspective in life. Furthermore, a stable and healthy emotional and mental state plays a key role in keeping my immune system strong, aside of course to the much needed ARVs.

My first day on ARVs: The beginning of a lifetime.

July 15, 2011, Tuesday. Today is my first day of taking ARVs. I was supposed to finish my shift at 7 AM, but because I have to finish a lot of stuff and I am on Vacation leave for a week, I have to make sure all things are good and everything have been properly endorsed. So I stayed at work until brunch time. It was 7 AM, my phone alarmed telling me it's time to eat. I wandered in our pantry, only to find out it was full of foods that I am not supposed to eat. The nearby McDonald's is definitely a no no because of all the processed meat. I went to Starbucks to check out the sandwiches, all have cheeses in them. I moved on to Seattle's best, all have cheeses in them too! Yesterday I ate there and ordered a pesto pasta and asked the attendant to make sure not to put parmesan on the dish. I then went to two 711s to buy some siopao, and there was none, I was able to buy siopao and a piece of banana from the 3rd 711 store two blocks away from our office building. It took me 20 minutes just to look for something to buy for breakfast or dinner, whatever.

8 AM, my phone alarmed again, I was sitting at my workstation; it's time for Nevirapine. Good thing my water bottle was ready, I took my bag and peeked inside to look for the bottle, I carefully opened it, took a pill and felt it rolling on my fingers. As I felt its texture and played around with it for a little bit, its path on my fingers left a fine white powder. The pill was coarse, rough, big, and fragile. It felt like that I can break it into pieces with just little effort. I popped it in my mouth and gulped a mouthful of water. I felt it go down in me, and I waited for any effect to be felt. almost an hour has gone by, and I was very paranoid.

9 AM, it's time for Lamivudine/Zidovudine. it's a two in one pill, two medicines in one medium sized white pill, that is a little smaller than Nevirapine, and it is smoother and it felt smooth to touch. After gulping it down with water. I waited, and waited. Until I was ready to go home, I felt nothing. I waited a bit outside our office building, sat there for while looking at the sun soaked busy street full of passing taxi cabs, luxury cars, and the hurrying day workers in tight and well pressed office attire. Another hour passed by again, and still, I felt nothing.

I was on my home, in the bus, I felt this rumbling in my stomach. I was hungry. Moments later, I found myself in the cool and long aisles of SM Fairview, doing a little bit of shopping.I ate hungrily at Mang Inasal, I ordered pork barbecue and did not bother to even fix the sauce for it. I had two and a half cups of rice. I was so full, and I went home.

At home, I unpacked all the stuff that I bought, tidied up the plastic bags, took a shower, slept. My dad came knocking on the door around past 4 PM. Asked a few questions on how I was doing, and offered to accompany me to the market, I said not now, I'm very sleepy. We talked for a bit and he went home. I slept again.

My phone alarmed, it was already 7PM, I have to eat. I went down to the nearby canteen and I found porkchops, fried. I ordered a piece and two cups of rice. I went back to my condo, watched cable, then my phone alarmed, it was 9 PM, time for another pill. As I wait for any effects, I went to browse a few stuff online and even checked some important emails and replied to a few correspondents.

As of this writing, it is already 12:04 AM, July 16, Saturday. It has been 16 hours since my first pill, and I still feel nothing significantly noticeable or new. I have a few itchy spots here and there, no redness, no bumps; so it might just be the heat.