I Am Still Alive

It's been three years since I posted something in this blog. I admit, I missed blogging, I tried several times to change the genre of my documented literature to something else, like poetry, photography, or anything away from what triggered to start this blog. Although I'm still very much active in Twitter, it's different when you have a regular audience you cater to, and somehow help other PLHIVs either long-term survivors or the newly diagnosed. Something triggered me to check out the emails I get from this blog, then I logged in to Blogger to check how my sleeping blog is doing. I still got a few thousand hits last month, and I still get emails from readers both old and new, I even got a comment saying that I am already dead as the blog has not been updated for the longest time. So here I am, typing on my laptop, showing the world that I am still alive. 

It has been three years, yes, it has been that long. I thought, there has been a new breed of PLHIV bloggers sprouting in the internet along with the fast rising number of HIV cases in the Philippines. I thought that my hiatus would be prolonged as my wisdom and experience with this illness (or condition) would no longer be needed because I am sure that the new PLHIV bloggers' knowledge would suffice the need. As I witnessed in Twitter, there is still a need to guide the newly diagnosed, there is still a need to share experiences, there is still a need to share what I can. To help give light to stay alive and be alive with HIV/AIDS.

My weight has been on a constant high with little up and downs in-between; but my determination to finally get rid of the bulge is never hampered. I need to lose some weight, because I may not die of HIV or AIDS complications, I may die of a heart disease or any sort of cardiovascular related illnesses. At the moment I am slowly shifting to becoming a weekday pescatarian. I cook my own meals for almost the entire week, I am on a sugarless diet (most of the time), so I don't put sugar on my coffee, in fact, I like it black. I brew my own coffee most of the time using a French Press and I only use locally grown Arabica beans. My CD4 count for three years (running) has been constant above 1000. My last CD4 count this past March was 1,196, and my Viral Load is zero. I am no longer in San Lazaro Hospital's care, I am under the care of a private hospital which I will withhold the information for privacy purposes. I am still taking the same ARV combo of Zidovudine/Lamivudine and Efavirenz. The Efavirenz side-effects are still being felt, but I am well adapted to them now. However, the much awaited "high-definition" dreaming has not happened to me yet. 

I tried enrolling to a gym and tried swimming, the former was a failed attempt to be fit because of my excessive exhaustion from work, swimming is still being worked on. All in all, my goal these days is to be fitter and healthier and to eat better foods. Losing weight will follow as long as my food intake is better. I cannot give-up on fat as the ARV needs them, besides, I don't want to look dry. 

So there, in a nutshell, I'm still alive and my immune system's health is pretty much intact and already back to normal with zero viral load. I believe, that's all thanks to healthy eating and keeping a healthy perspective in life. Furthermore, a stable and healthy emotional and mental state plays a key role in keeping my immune system strong, aside of course to the much needed ARVs.

Happiness and Health; keeping the CD4 count up.

One common and constant battle among PLHIVs (People Living with HIV) is the challenge we face in either keeping or pulling up our CD4 count at a healthy and normal level. Here are some facts (from online sources) to what a CD4 is and its importance before we proceed.

“CD4 cells are a type of white blood cell that fights infection. Another name for them is T-helper cells. CD4 cells are made in the spleen, lymph nodes, and thymus gland, which are part of the lymph or infection-fighting system. CD4 cells move throughout your body, helping to identify and destroy germs such as bacteria and viruses.

The CD4 count measures the number of CD4 cells in a sample of your blood drawn by a needle from a vein in your arm. Along with other tests, the CD4 count helps tell how strong your immune system is, indicates the stage of your HIV disease, guides treatment, and predicts how your disease may progress. Keeping your CD4 count high can reduce complications of HIV disease and extend your life.”

“Your immune system contains different types of cells that help protect the body from infection. One of these types of specialized cells are called the CD4 or T-cells. HIV attacks these types of cells and uses them to make more copies of HIV. And in doing so, HIV weakens the immune system, making it unable to protect the body from illness and infection.”

“HIV most often infects CD4 cells. The virus becomes part of the cells, and when they multiply to fight an infection, they make more copies of HIV.

When someone is infected with HIV but has not started treatment, the number of CD4 cells they have goes down. This is a sign that the immune system is being weakened. The lower the CD4 cell count, the more likely the person will get sick.”

Thus, as mentioned above, the amount of CD4 cells are of important basis of a PLHIV’s health. The higher the number of CD4 cells in the system, the better. A normal CD4 count is from 500 to 1000 cells/mm³.

Here in the Philippines, a PLHIV is required to have his CD4 count checked every 6 months. When I was first diagnosed, my CD4 count was at 526 back in April 2010. It then went down to 385; I started taking medications when my CD4 hit 295. Six months after beginning ARV treatment, my CD4 went up to 589, it went up again last June to 687. During the time that my CD4 count hit below the 500 level, I did get sick; I got Pneumonia twice within three months, so yes, my immune system was already indeed weak and vulnerable as science says.

When I started ARV treatment, I really did not do anything radically different to help boost-up my immune system. No vitamins until now, no food supplements, no herbal treatments whatsoever. I just stayed happy as I usually am and learned to let go of things that would heighten my stress levels, because stress is a very big factor to our immune system’s decline. Although I do believe in another thing, that one can never be truly happy without being accepting of oneself, thus, living in denial is a health hazard.

Also, surround yourself with people who care. Remember, when you disclose to someone you know, it does not mean that they care or will do, some or most people are only curious of you and your condition despite of how much you trust them. So be wise on whom you disclose your status to.

I admit, I still do smoke, I figured that I’d rather psychologically de-stress with something that might kill me a few years from now, rather than not smoke at all and be stressed about it and than put my health in bigger jeopardy because of mental or emotional stress then it will kill me sooner because of a weakened immune system. However, despite of my now back smoking habits, I was still able to pull-up my CD4 count to normal, and still going higher. I know of many PLHIVs who have a hard time doing so, yes it is a case to case basis, but still, the point is, pulling it up to a normal level is indeed a big challenge every PLHIV face with or without any Opportunistic Infections they might have or roadblocks they might be facing.

Being happy is one thing, but being genuinely happy and thinking one is happy are two different things and there is a fine line between the two.  Be genuinely happy, accept yourself and the things you can’t change, and let go of the extra baggage, embrace life and be alive.

References:

thebody.com

aids.about.com

webmd.com

http://www.thebody.com/h/normal-cd4-count.html

http://www.thebody.com/content/6110/cd4-t-cell-tests.html

http://aids.about.com/od/technicalquestions/f/cd4.htm

http://www.webmd.com/hiv-aids/cd4-count-what-does-it-mean