Status Messages

Here is a quick look at my history, music I listen to, short random thoughts, and everything else; through my status messages.

My unique IM was installed early 2009 and I was not putting up status messages until around March or was it April? The other status messages across 2010 up to now cannot be displayed anymore. Either the IM's cache was already full or there is a navigation arrow or button that I haven't seen or cannot be seen that must be used to scroll down my other status messages.

Looking at these status messages, makes me remember some stuff that happened last year. Of course, there were painfully unforgettable moments, that I think you guys will be able to see and notice. My discovery and diagnosis as someone living with HIV is also documented in my status messages archive, heartbreaks are there too, as well as some emopsychotic episodes of mine.

Please note, I have to "censor" my real name. While the question marks were unreadable Japanese texts.

Buhay Call Centre

Ito ang isangdaang mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa buhay o katangian ng mga taong nagtatrabaho sa call center. Repost lang ito, nalaman ko ito sa isang agent namin sa dati kong call center na pinagtatrabahuan, binigay niya ang link ng forums sa akin, sabay kopya. Napost ko na ito sa luma kong blog, sa Friendster, nitong nakaraang taon naman sa Facebook, at ngayon taon ay sa blog ko na ito ipopost. Sa dami ng mga emo ngayong panahong ito, sana ay maaliw kayo sa post kong ito.

Tandaan, sobrang tagal na nang simula maipost at kumalat ang listahan na ito sa internet, kaya may mga iilang bagay na sakaling nagbago na sa panahon ngayon.

Salamat sa sinu mang gumawa ng listahan na ito, mabuhay ka!

Ang buhay call center...

1. dahil halos di na kayo nagkikita ng nanay at tatay mo, an tawag na nila sayo ay "boarder" at sinisingil ka na nila sa upa mo.

2. pag sa sagot ka ng telepono, lagi na lang may opening spiel… example: *toot* …. thank you for calling (the company) this is (your name) how may i help you?

3. eksperto ka na sa power nap, yung mga 15min break nyo, itinutulog mo na lang para fresh pagka kolls uli, mya na yung 1 hour nap.

4. di mo na alam bumiyahe pag may araw, nalilito ka bakit andaming tao, at bakit di na dumadaan ang dyip dun sa mga kalsada na 1 way.

5. marami ka nang naiipong jacket… nakakahiya naman kung pare-pareho jacket mo araw-araw at super ginaw naman pag wala.

6. sanay kang maglaka-lakad ng nakamedyas.

7. an tawag mo sa mga friends mo…dude, bro, coach,tl, sup.

8. di na dugo ang dumadaloy sayo… kape.

9. pinepeke mo na wag maging slang pag nagbabayad ka sa tindahan o kaya sa jeep para wag akalain na pasosyal ka… masama pa, mas panget pakinggan.

10. tadaaaaa! nag sasalita ka sa pagtulog mo, pati kols mo napapanaginipan mo.

11. pumuputi ka na dahil di ka na naaarawan.

12. sanay ka nang matulog kahit maingay sa loob at labas ng bahay nyo.

13. kinalimutan ka na ng mga kaibigan mo dahil existing ka lang pag tulog na sila.

14. sanay ka na sa mga prank callers at mga death treats na nakasulat lang… sa dami ba naman ng ma-encounter mong ganito gabi-gabi sa trabaho eh.

15. di ka na sanay sa traffic. papasok at pauwi sa trabaho walang traffic.

16. di na tama ang oras ng pagkain mo. breeakfast mo ay hapunan na. lunch mo sa madaling araw. dinner moi pag uwi mo sa umaga.

17. lahat ng kasabay mo sa jeep pag papasok ka, pagod na. ikaw lang ang bagong ligo at bagong gel.

18. maski sa bahay, mabilis kang kumain.

19. nde ka na kilala ng aso nyo

20. ayaw mo na mag-jeep. kailangan taxi or kaya aircon na bus.

21. wala ka nang alam na balita.

22. nahihiya kang magpunta sa mga reunion lalo na’t alam mong successful lahat ng ka-batch mo.

23. sasabihin mo field ng trabaho mo IT, di call center.

24. nasusuka ka na pag nakita mo ang pc sa bahay nyo..

25. sasabihin mong tech support engineer ka, pero rep ka lang..

26. pag payday… olats lahat sweldo ng mga kaklase mong board passer. (8k per month lang sila) isang kinsenas mo na yun..:P

27. pag day off mo n lang ikaw nkakapaanood ng Eat Bulaga

28. Nde mo na kilala ang mga bagong artista.

29. nde mo n alam itsura ng mall…

30. di ka na maebs sa bhay, sanay ka na sa cr ng 5th floor or ibang floor.

31. madalas kulang gamit mo sa bahay dahil nasa locker

32. ayaw mo nang pumasok sa internet cafe!

33. alam mo kung sino si Avaya at si Nortel

34. sanay ka nang pumasok ng bagong gising… kakabangon lang galing sleeping area.

35. maglo-lock ka ng pc kahit sa bahay na. pag pndot mo ng CTRL + ALT+ DEL iba ang lalabas.

36. sanay ka ng kumain sa harap ng pc mo kahit nsa bahay.

37. papasok ka sa ofc na nka-jeans, tshirt and cap astig!)

38. mas malaki sweldo mo sa mga ka-batch mo, nagkakanda-kuba na sila sa trabaho nila

39. puro ka-age mo mga ka-opisina mo, walang old maids and DOMs!!

40. mabilis k ng mag pabili ng corn bits at chicharon sa ermats mo…

41. nakapanood ka na ng rally sa Ayala

42. pag nakakarinig ka ng Kaching!!! akala mo may mail ka na dumating. hehe

43. nakita mo na lahat ng klase ng vendo machine

44. dito sa opisina mo nararanasan na napakabagal ng oras!

45. lahat na ng rason para umabsent nagawa mo na

46. sanay k na makarinig ng napakalakas n pag singa ng sipon.

47. marami ka ng naipon na microwavable container

48. marami kang ketchup packs galing mcdo at julibee

49. pag nagkukwento ka sa mga barkada jargon lahat. di nila maintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng ticket..

50. hindi ka na sanay umakyat ng hagdan

51. pag gumagamit k ng cr,, d ka na nagpa-flush.. kc akala mo kusa n lulubog ebs mo.

52. sawa ka na internet kasi sa trabaho panay ang browsing..

53. during office hours, hindi ka lalabas ng building ng walang dalang relo. baka ma-OB.

54. akala mo mo may sarili kang locker sa bahay nyo.

55. marunong ka na makipagsagutan at makipagbarahan ng english

56. sanay ka ng magyosi o umidlip pag alas dos at alas kwuatro ng umaga

57. dito ka na makakakita ng gf, bf, or asawa. Minsan kabit pa. wala ka ng time maghanap sa labas.

58. pag may problema ka sa pc mo, una mong ginagawa ay clear cache at cookies.

59. nanghihingi ka pa ng baon sa nanay mo kahit mas malaki sweldo mo sa kanya..

60. nang ho-hoard ka na din ng tissue sa bahay

61. kala mo libre ang kape sa select…

62. libre parking mo sa building, klasmeyts mo nagbabayad araw-araw ng parking.

63. pag nag cr ka…sanay ka na sa gripo na automatic at toilet bowl…

64. nakaipon ka na ng mouse ball sa bahay

65. nagulat ka ng masabi mo ang opening spiel mo habang nagbabayad sa jeep

66. naka id ka pa kahit nasa jeep

67. kaya mong tiisin na nde palitan ang damit mo ng 16 hours

68. pagtinanong ng mga ka tropa mo kung ano ang sinusupport mo… sabihin mo msn.com (hahahaha!) kasi pag sinabi mong passport, hindi nila alam yun.

69. mas sanay ka na mag Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V at nahihiya ka na ngayon mo lang nalaman yun.

70. madalas mo harangin ang mga calls

71. Nasanay ka nang may katabing TL na hindi umuuwi. pagpasok mo nandun na. pag-uwi mo nandun pa rin.

72. kahit may malaki kayong speaker sa bahay gusto mo pa din naka-earphones!

73. gusto mo nang lumipat sa makati

74. nung pinasok ng akyat bahay ang bahay nyo, magsisigaw ka ng HACKER!!! HACKER!!!

75. minumura mo pag nakatalikod kahit sinong amerikano na makita mo. yan ung kausap ko kanina!!!

76. pag tinatamad ka tumanggap ng tawag, matapang ka na at alam mo na ang gagawin: RELEASE!

77. puro kalyo na ang wrist at daliri mo

78. sanay ka nang makipag-usap sa telepono sa bahay kahit malakas ang TV. sa office parang limang na TV ang nakatapat sayo habang may kausap.

79. pumasok ka na ng puyat, lasing at gutom

80. may picture ka ng nakasuot ng headset

81. sanay ka nang matulog ng dilat ang mata. ndi pwede pahuli.

82. lahat ng style ng pagtulog maiisip mo.

83. lahat ng kaibigan mo may christmas vacation ikaw wala

84. mas gusto mo na mag warm transfer sa ibang department para makatulog ka habang naka-mute at nakikinig sa usapan nila

85. yung ex mo may kasama ng iba

86. lahat ng holiday pumapasok ka kasi double pay malaki ang bayad.

87. d2 ka n sa opisina nakabili lahat ng gamit mo: kwintas, sabon, shampoo, tocino, longganisa, hikaw, magazine, aso, libro, tshirt, prepaid card, eload, dvd, vcd, yema, corn bits…

88. d2 ka na nasanay kumain ng pagkain na luto sa microwave

89. palaging matabang ang kape sa office.

90. imposibleng hindi ka pa nakatanggap ka na ng memo

91. gusto mo na den bumili ng water dispenser kasi pitsel lang ang nasa bahay nyo.

92. nakakausap ka na ng pilipino sa ibang bansa

93. dami mo na naiipon na stirrer (red) galing starbucks kakabili ng kape.

94. nasanay ka nang mgpadeliver ng pagkain.

95. nakakita ka ng artista na nagbebenta ng pgkain sa pantry.

96. dito ka lang makakakita ng pinagsama-samang tinda na: medyas, vitamins, christmas lights, cologne. yosi, siomai at lahat ng klase ng pagkain, relos, kalendaryo, stuff toys, make up, kikay kit,deodorant, kwintas, sasakyan, camera, video, audio, foot spa , milk spa, bags wallet, sinturon, mamon, hamon…

97. d2 ka na expose sa tapa king, zuppa, yellow cab, jugnos, bermuda hotel’s pancit canton, wendy’s. north park, starbucks

98. di mo maenjoy christmas party kasi kaylangan mo bumalik sa office dahil may pasok ka pa ng C shift.

99. ice tea ka lang, mga kasama mo.. beer!

100. may bago kang damit kada sweldo dahil takot ka makarinig na naman na paulit-ulit ang suot mo.

November blues and Christmas hues

Hay... I just cannot wait until my next rest day. My birthday's coming up too, and I have not done or even close to my goals yet, deadline is on my birthday. (sigh)

When I was doing my rare rounds across the production floor to check some seats. A group of agents suddenly told me... "What happened to you? You look like a turtle!". I just smiled, and went away. I was instantly depressed, so depressed I did not eat anything the whole shift. I have to admit, I did gain more pounds. (sigh)

My birthday's coming up, and I have to schedule all the closest people that I need to celebrate with. There's my dad and his wife who cannot be with my mom, and my mom cannot be with my dad in any occasion even on my birthday. There's the Goth chick and Anne, those two can't be with each other nor either of the two can be with any of my other closest friends. There's Angel, who cannot be with any of my closest friends. I have 3 days to celebrate my birthday with all of them. Now I have to schedule them all. Angel perhaps can wait until November 30th, I'll treat him somewhere nice, besides, by that time, it will be all "Christmasy" everywhere. His favorite time of the year.

For almost the entire 2010, until now, I have been experiencing some financial difficulties. Good thing I never applied for a credit card, nor I have one at present. I am weeks behind my loan payment, and bills seem to just come and come and come.... My battle to lower my bills seem endless. I still manage to live from payday to payday 'though, but that is not my idea of good living. I haven't saved a single centavo, which is another depressing thing aside from my weight. I sometimes wonder where does my money go? I can't seem to enjoy my pay nor I cannot save anything at all. I have a lot of plans. The year is coming to a close and I seem to be missing my goals. I still have barely two months to fulfill even just a few. (sigh)

On the lighter side, Christmas is just around the corner. Several units here in the condo building as well as the other condo buildings nearby are starting to put up Christmas decors. From my window, I can see other units with their tall Christmas Trees with shimmering lights and others with elaborate lights on their windows. In Makati, Avala Avenue is starting to look and feel like Christmas. I think this year, they will have one of the best decors so far. I love the dropping lights effect on the streetlamps along Ayala Avenue. They all seem like a cluster of shooting stars falling down like white rain.

For My Dearly Departed

She has chinky eyes and the whitest skin, evidence of a Chinese kin. She always have reddish wine colored hair, that are always softly curled. I always see her with her metal curlers if at home. I heard she was very strict to her children, as many say. Being an educator all her life and coming from a very prominent but small clan, by default, she must be.

When I lived with her, in her small, old house in the Queen city of the south... My mornings were always greeted with the smell of fried eggs, fried rice, danggit and chorizo. My cousins who are all the way from Mactan will drive to the city and would come rushing to eat breakfast with us before heading off to school. I remember we would always line up the sink to wash our hands before going to the dining table. I can still smell the wood and the antiquity of her post American era house.

She always told be I'm a bright boy. How I wish I can share to her my shining glory of where I am right now. She was right all along, I am a bright boy; still shining through the vast universe, of life. Will you be proud of me, if you are still here to see? ...all of these?

I once wished to join you, but I guess it is not yet time. That was the point that I never felt so alone. In times like those, how I wish I could just run to you and cry myself out to your knees and your old crumply hands, making its way to my hair, rubbing them on my head, and you will say... It's going to be alright... Just like when I was a little boy, crying and looking for my mom. You were always there to comfort me, you were always there when I needed you. During my times of despair and loneliness, I hold on to the memory of you. Praying that you are watching me too.

I miss you so much Mommylola, please say "hello" to daddylolo for me. Please tell him that I miss him too and our regular visits to his favorite barbershop. I will never forget those errands he made me do during my first week in the city, those little errands forced me to learn Cebuano really fast, it was effective.

Mommylola... Your bright little boy has grown up, proving himself to the world, and *still trying to smile.

For My Dearly Departed
by Franco

When I woke up it seemed
Like my world was caving in
I won't break down this time
I'll be fine

With dull dimensions speaking of the truth
And howls of chaos,
the bleeding of the moon
Rounding up this time
I'll be fine

Let your love caress me
Like the tide embraces the sea
Let our soul connection bring me alive today

Am I lost and can't be found?
Heaven's locked, hell not a sound
All my angels left and gone
It rains down

Turn the key enough for rescue
And burn the light, the light that burns through
But here it comes again
It rains down
It rains down
It rains down...

Well, live your life a little
Breathe in and out a little
I say a prayer for you

Let your love caress me
Like the tide embraces the sea
Let our soul connection bring me alive today
Today
Today...



*browsing through my childhood pictures, I noticed that I rarely smile, even until now.

Pandemonium black

Just when I thought I have to back down
and turn my head around...

I run to the light, and take flight.

In the playground where I pray,
On my knees to the ground
I listen to the beating sound
Of my heart, and many thousand others.

When the light touches me.
My shadow stretches far, so others will see

That I am divided.

Into bits and pieces
Of memoirs and insanity
But within me is a factory
Of what I want to be.

Like drying black roses
Imaginary and fictitious.

Who am I amongst the many?
Who are you amongst the few?
Who gets in me like screw
Nobody drives me, but myself.

So I move forward.
Playing with words, heedlessly

...and amongst the many
...or amongst the few
I will rise in this fight
In my blackest night.

Passersby of blues boulevard

Lili

Let my love fly across the sky
On my chest, let your tired spirit lie
Lay down my sweetie, I'll embrace you with care
As I smell and kiss your long brown hair

Remember me whenever you're down
'though we're far apart, away I'll kiss your frown
I'll take your hand, and we'll smile and sway
Into the californian sun, we'll burn the sorrow away

Anne

Marlboro lights,
and sleepless nights
Jazz music and melancholy
...while enjoying a Starbucks coffee

Tears of breaking down,
falling on your shirt.
Hands clasp tightly,
on your mini skirt.

P

Is it what you saw the other day?
That made the blues go your way?
Hush my baby, don't frown...
I may not be your chubby clown
Because I rarely smile myself
But I can surely kiss your blues away
Like a teddy bear on our bed you sway
Let's get some sleep, don't cry nor weep.

Tomorrow will be another day
Sunshine and smiles, coming your way.
Smile my love, my baby,
and hug the teddy.

Mending broken bridges

I received a text message a few minutes before midnight last night... "Call me". It was from my long lost bestfriend, Anne.

Anne was a girl friend of mine I met from the previous company I worked with, met her 5 years ago. We instantly bonded like two dolls stuck together by mighty bond. She was a very strong, bitchy, pretty, and a snobbish woman. I don't know what she found in me, but she treated me more affectionately more than her boyfriend (past and present). When Angel and I broke up, she was the one who sort of adopted me. I lived with her and her boyfriend and another friend of ours in a small house in this little "celebrity" filled village in Quezon city. The four us lived together for almost a year, all of us were officemates. Anne, literally became my elder sister, my mother, my yaya, my boss, my mentor, my friend. There came a point where I was so depressed that I cannot eat anything, I became anorexic and rumors spread in the office that I was taking drugs. One day I woke up in the living room (I sleep in Anne's living room) with the noise of plastic bags being folded and the noise of cooking in the kitchen. It was Anne, cooking breakfast. She told me that I had to eat or she will evict me from her house... "Kakain ka o hindi ka na uuwi dito?". Of course, I have to eat. One great thing about her is that she loves to cook and she cooks really good. I can say that she can compete if there's a cooking competition. Starting that day, I always wake up with food already prepared at the table and I already have packed lunches. She always make sure that I have something to eat. If she was not able to prepare anything, she always make sure that I will have food at my station. She always follow my schedule too. So we always go to work together and go home together. We spend more time together than her and her boyfriend. I gained 10 pounds after a few weeks. I'm very close to her family, her family welcomed me with open arms and treated me like one of them. I miss them a lot.

I remember one unforgettable day years ago. There was a party at Anne's boyfriend's house. There were bottles of Tequila scattered on one table and tequila shots were everywhere. The next day, I was sleeping in one corner of the in-house gym, cozily tucked with a blanket on one giant bean bag wearing only thin basketball shorts of Anne's boyfriend. When I got up, as usual, breakfast was already waiting for me in the main dining room and there she was preparing coffee for me, freshly brewed of course. I asked her what happened and she told me I passed out. I asked for my clothes and she told me the maid was still washing them because she has to take them off me. She dragged me in the shower the night before. She said I was full of vomit and was crawling on the floor, I was so filthy drunk. So she has to strip me naked and bathe me clean, then dress me up for bed, with only the basketball shorts on. I couldn't remember anything that she said, but the basketball shorts were very comfy, thinking it was from her hunky and well muscled boyfriend.

Anyway, I called her up right away when she told me to. It was some bad news. A friend of hers whom I met I few years ago was already terminally ill and confined in San Lazaro. He has HIV and already have a CD4 count of 1, he already has AIDS, and the doctors only gave him two weeks more to live. "Tomorrow there will be lawyers" she said, to take care of the documents and properties he will leave behind. She told me that she couldn't bare look at him for a long time because the guy was so heartbreakingly fragile and thin, he could no longer walk nor talk. The guy has been living with HIV for 5 years and he is only 27, same age as I am now. She told me that she doesn't want to see me like that and made me promise that I will stop smoking, drinking, and made me swore that I will take good care of my health. She told me that it will be very hard for her to see me like that. I tried so hard to keep my tears from falling, because I was in the production floor. I told I will take good care of myself, and she will not visit me one day in the hospital looking so ill. The state of her friend scared me a lot. I don't want to be like that one day. That conversation meant a lot to me, because we haven't spoken to each other for more than a year due to some certain arguments and misunderstandings. She told me how much she misses me and how much she loves me. Tears fell at that point.

After I had pneumonia last week, I started to get scared. I am scared that I might catch it again. I'm scared that I might be catching more diseases on my daily commute to work or at the office. I'm scared that the next time I get sick, my body will not be able to withstand it anymore. Catching pneumonia is one sign that my CD4 count is already getting low. I'm scared so scared.

My next CD4 extraction will be this December. I hope the numbers are still good.