It has been exactly a year since I started the Bohemian Diary, it has been a year since I was officially diagnosed as someone living with HIV. I started this blog with one goal in mind, to reach out to others living with the virus and to share my experiences as someone with it. I managed to reach out and connect myself with people living with the virus, from abroad and of course, locals. I've interacted and corresponded with a number of people. From the newly diagnosed, and those living with it for years, and to people with a more drastic CD4 count than mine. I've met a few, connections established and friendships started.
Day 1... Usually it takes about 1 week for the initial screening results to come out. When I was not able to get it within the first week, I knew I have it. So when the day finally came that I will get the document from San Lazaro's SACCL clinic, I was so damn prepared. All that courage and strength went away when I thought that everything I have is going to be gone in just a few years. That I will not live long enough to fulfill my dreams, that I will die soon even before I will be able to forgive my mom or myself for hating her and my brother; or not living long enough to learn how to play the guitar, ride a bike, go to Japan, learn to swim, become a famous writer, become a well known and respected photographer, and to know my dad more. I was scared that I will stop dreaming and will just wait for my turn to die. All of those thoughts went crashing down in me, and that was the time it all fell down. I broke down in tears on the Photographer's shoulders that day, it was Tuesday. On that day I decided I will write, start a blog, and perhaps be able to reach out to the world and show them how is it to live with the virus. It was never easy during the first day, first week, and first month. A lot of sleepless and emotional nights went by.
Evolution... The blog transformed from an HIV blog into a some sort of music and photography blog with bits of poetry and stories in between... Evidence of me being able to move on from that sick kid to the kid, living his life. As I grew with the virus, I learned to accept it. Everybody will eventually die, it is how we face and prepare for it. I am not ready to face it, yet, not anytime soon. So I decided that I will live and I chose freedom. Freedom from all the pain of senseless, emotional and fucked up melancholic episodes and walk forward to what I want to be and achieving my dreams. I've always wanted to blog and writing has always been my frustration. So here I am, still writing about my life and the thoughts I want to share. Living my life as I want it to be, and continuously dreaming and sharing them. Sharing the dramas and all the pains, the melancholy and all the happiness, the challenges and achievements, and all sorts of things along the way.
To all the people I've met and known through this blog, may our friendship continue to grow as we move on and live. To all the readers and followers of the Bohemian Diary, thank you from the deepest depths of my heart. Thank you for all the kind words, comments, violent reactions, emails, and encouragements in all forms, I appreciate every one of them.
This is the window to my universe, unfolding itself to the eyes of the world.
Day 1... Usually it takes about 1 week for the initial screening results to come out. When I was not able to get it within the first week, I knew I have it. So when the day finally came that I will get the document from San Lazaro's SACCL clinic, I was so damn prepared. All that courage and strength went away when I thought that everything I have is going to be gone in just a few years. That I will not live long enough to fulfill my dreams, that I will die soon even before I will be able to forgive my mom or myself for hating her and my brother; or not living long enough to learn how to play the guitar, ride a bike, go to Japan, learn to swim, become a famous writer, become a well known and respected photographer, and to know my dad more. I was scared that I will stop dreaming and will just wait for my turn to die. All of those thoughts went crashing down in me, and that was the time it all fell down. I broke down in tears on the Photographer's shoulders that day, it was Tuesday. On that day I decided I will write, start a blog, and perhaps be able to reach out to the world and show them how is it to live with the virus. It was never easy during the first day, first week, and first month. A lot of sleepless and emotional nights went by.
Evolution... The blog transformed from an HIV blog into a some sort of music and photography blog with bits of poetry and stories in between... Evidence of me being able to move on from that sick kid to the kid, living his life. As I grew with the virus, I learned to accept it. Everybody will eventually die, it is how we face and prepare for it. I am not ready to face it, yet, not anytime soon. So I decided that I will live and I chose freedom. Freedom from all the pain of senseless, emotional and fucked up melancholic episodes and walk forward to what I want to be and achieving my dreams. I've always wanted to blog and writing has always been my frustration. So here I am, still writing about my life and the thoughts I want to share. Living my life as I want it to be, and continuously dreaming and sharing them. Sharing the dramas and all the pains, the melancholy and all the happiness, the challenges and achievements, and all sorts of things along the way.
If someone would ask me, how is it to live with HIV? I would say... "It's almost the same as if I never knew, but only this time I appreciate life more than ever before."
If someone would ask me, what will be your message to all the depressed people living with HIV out there? I would say... "Being sad is such a waste of time, stand up from the shadows of melancholy and walk forward to happiness. It is only a matter of choice. Life is so beautiful to waste on such a non-productive state. Never stop dreaming and get them one by one!"
If someone would ask me, what would be your message to the world? ..."Live life, be alive."
To all the people I've met and known through this blog, may our friendship continue to grow as we move on and live. To all the readers and followers of the Bohemian Diary, thank you from the deepest depths of my heart. Thank you for all the kind words, comments, violent reactions, emails, and encouragements in all forms, I appreciate every one of them.
This is the window to my universe, unfolding itself to the eyes of the world.
